And that’s when I see her. Right there. I would think I was hallucinating except…
In all my memories, and my imagination of her, she’s notthis.
When I think of Sarah, she’s that little girl who has nightmares. Who has to hold onto me at night in order to fall asleep. She’s the one person I want to protect more than anything in all the world. The person that I begged my parents to find, but they never could.
The last time I saw her, she was being carried away by a social worker, while she screamed and fought, and my fosterparents held onto my arms, trying to keep me from stopping them. I pulled so hard I ended up with fingerprints on my arms, bruises where they’d kept me captive while I tried so hard…
I never saw her again.
Until now.
I know it’s her, and yet it’s not her.
Because this isn’t a vulnerable little girl standing there staring me down from the bleachers. No. This is a woman. She must be nineteen, twenty years old. Twenty, I think. I try to remember when her birthday was in connection to mine, but everything is jumbled up. I remember the little parties that I threw for her, but not the time of year. I guess you only remember the things that matter.
It’s like everything goes silent. Like it all stops. The edges of everything go fuzzy, but not Sarah.
I can’t hear her. But I see her move her mouth. “Dallas.”
And then, I suddenly catch movement out of the corner of my eye. The bull is running straight toward me. And I have to jump up to the side of the gate to escape, the bull fighters doing their part to lure the animal away while I climb up and over, back into the chute. And when I look back up, I don’t see her anymore. Did I hallucinate her? Was it a dream?
No. That can’t be. I’ve spent all these years looking for her. Ever since I was fourteen. It’s been ten years. I can’t lose her again. I can’t. My team is trying to talk to me, but I don’t want to hear it. I know my score is posting, judging by the sound the crowd makes, it’s good. But I think it’s the best. Suddenly, it doesn’t mean a damn thing.
My heart is pounding, my legs unsteady, it’s always like that after a ride. But this is different. This isn’t about theride.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
Colt is standing there, arms crossed, watching me.
“Don’t you have a fucking ride to get to?” I ask.
“Yeah. In a second.” He’s watching me, like he knows me. I guess he does. I guess he does know me and knows something is up. Fair enough since he’s been my friend ever since I moved to Gold Valley.
“I have to… I saw somebody that I know.”
“Oh. And?”
“I have to find her.”
“Some Buckle Bunny?”
I want to growl. I want to grab them by the throat and tell him never to call her that. For all I know, she is a Buckle Bunny. And it isn’t like there’s anything wrong with that. But not her. All my protective instincts rise up inside of me, and I want to fight.
“Okay,” Colt says, holding his hands up like I’m keeping him there at gunpoint. “No jokes.”
“Come up with good jokes next time.”
Colt shrugs. “You seem rattled.”
“I’m not rattled. But… I just saw someone I’ve been looking for, and then I lose sight of her. I can’t let her get away.”
“Sounds ominous,” Colt says, eyeing me closely.
“It’s not, I’ll explain later. I’ll catch up with you after your ride.”
I don’t need to be talking to Colt that way. He’s my best friend. Has been ever since we started riding together four years ago. A couple of bored kids in Gold Valley, Oregon, looking for something to do. We found it. And we made a name for ourselves with it. Made a whole lot of cash too. Made our moms cry.
But right then, though, I wonder if the whole point was this. If it all brought me right here. To her.
