“He visited you?”
“Yeah. He took a swing at me. I dodged it, and he punched the side of my house. I feel kind of bad about that. I probably should’ve let him get one in somewhere on my face.”
She pressed her hands down against the seat and leaned forward, turning toward Logan in utter shock. “He tried to punch you?”
She didn’t even think Will knew how to punch.
“Yeah. He was pretty pissed off. Something about stealing you, but then…something about hurting you.”
Wow. That was unexpected.
“Well. You did. Hurt me. But I made that pretty clear at the time.”
“You did. I wanted to give you some space. But then Will came to see me, and… I figured space was maybe a little bit performative.”
“I mean, you pulled up to the front of my house in this car. At this point the whole thing is kind of performative.”
“It’s not. I promise. I’m just trying to do this right.” He pulled up to a scenic outlook that gave them a view of the whole town. It was weird to be above it. This place that held so much sway over her. And all the decisions she had made so far.
It seemed small. It all did.
“I’m sorry. You were right. I have been a fucking coward every step of the way. I wanted you for so long, and I felt so guilty about parts of it… But the biggest thing isn’t that. It’s the fact that you were such a fantasy that I was afraid I would never be able to live up to it. That I would never be able to give you what you wanted. Do you know how many times I told myself I would be better for you than him? But it hit me. How can I really believe that? I wasn’t perfect for the wife I had. But I convinced myself that I would be perfect for you.”
“I don’t need you to be perfect for me,” she said. “I have changed so much in the last year, and I plan on changing more. How could I ask you to be perfect? I’m not perfect. I just want you to be with me. I just want you to love me.”
“I do,” he said, his voice rough. “I love you. I have loved you. For so long. I didn’t know what to do when I realized I could have you. That I couldfailyou. That I couldloseyou.” He turned to her, gripping her chin with his thumb and forefinger. “What if I lose you? Sam… I wanted you for so long. I think what really scared me is you’ve always been the one who could have all of me. I have never given that to anyone. I was never ready. I… I remember my mom leaving when I was a kid. Driving away. Never coming back. I have always been afraid I’d lose what I loved, so I always kept a piece of myself back.” He took a sharp breath. “Then I lost Becca. It seemed like I was right. I couldn’t have you, but in some ways it seemed like that was better. Safer.”
“Life is hard,” she said. “I can’t guarantee anything. But you know that. But hasn’t it always been better for us to have each other?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
She could see that there was no wall. Not now. He was exposed. Vulnerable. She kissed him. There above the town, in his car.
“I love you,” he said. “It scares me how much. And you are brave. You won’t let me get away with giving you just a piece, and I have to dig deep and give you everything, and I’m not even sure I know how to do that.”
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “I didn’t either. I learned.”
“It makes me feel like I’m twenty, and I want to start over. I want to marry you. I don’t think I can ask you that. You’re still technically married to somebody else.”
“I want that too,” she said. “I’m not afraid of it. Because I realized something really really important. I’m not afraid to be alone. But I would rather have you. I could live by myself. But I would choose you.”
“I choose you. For all the life we have left to live.”
“I just realized something.”
“What?”
She smiled. “The book I’m writing. It has a happy ending now.”
“You’re going to write a book?”
She nodded. “Yes. It took all of this, but I finally know what I have to say.”
They made use of the back seat of that car, and she felt no shame or fear.
And when it was over, he held her against his chest, and whispered against her ear. “I wonder where we’ll be this time next year.”
“I couldn’t begin to guess. Because at this point I know…anything can happen.”
