I break out in a cold sweat.
Stay calm, stay calm.
Breathe in, breathe out.
‘Two seconds, Josie,’ the director says, and the script flashes with another reset. I have no idea what’s happening, but I keep reading.
‘Joining me now on the line is iconic Australian actor Jeremy Lavigne, who worked with Alexa Hamilton on her last film,The Beginning of Everything.Jeremy, the entire nation is feeling this loss today. How will you remember Alexa?’
The studio around me darkens until all that’s left is that piercing camera light and Jeremy Lavigne’s husky voice in my ear as he talks about a thirty-one-year-old woman who will never open her eyes again, never feel her sweetheart’s arms around her, never step onto any more film sets, never hold her first-born child.
Just like Aunt Susie.
Just like Tara.
‘Josie!’ the director hisses in my ear. I gape into the black barrel of the camera lens, totally lost as to where I am.
The red light switches off, and the camera facing Robert Knight flicks to red as he begins speaking, thanking Jeremy Lavigne for his time before reading the intro to the next news story.
‘What the hell, Josie?’ the director’s voice crackles in my ear in an angry tone. My heart pounds in a frantic rhythm.
Oh my god. I just went dead on air. Again!
I draw in a shaky breath and fix my attention on the next story, presenting it smoothly before closing outthe bulletin with only a couple more slips. Still, Robert Knight shoots me a look like I embarrassed him. When I leave the studio with a dead weight in my chest, I find Natasha Harrington waiting for me with sharp disapproval scrawled over her face.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say in a rush. ‘I zoned out for just a moment, but that isnevergoing to happen again.’
‘It was a lot longer than a moment, and zoning out is not acceptable, Josie. It makes us all look like idiots who don’t know what we’re doing.’
I nod and chew my bottom lip, ready to be sick all over the floor. I consider telling her about the lump in my breast—how it triggered my reaction to Alexa’s passing—but the words die in my throat. Not only is there no excuse for spacing out, but the last thing I want is for Natasha to bench me because she thinks I’m going to end up like Alexa Hamilton.
Her brow is a mess of lines. ‘I chose to put you on air over Meghan and Genevieve because I thought you had something really special.’ My chest clamps up at her use of the past tense. ‘But you’re clearly not ready. So, I’m pulling you off presenting duties, and you can go back to reporting tomorrow.’
I throw a hand out. ‘Please, no—I promise you it’s not going to happen again. I can do this. I can be good at this.’
The begging only makes me sound pathetic, and Natasha steps back like she doesn’t want to be near me. ‘See you on Monday, Josie.’
The thought of being put back on reporting rounds while Meghan points her smug smile at me on her way into the presenters’ studio makes me want to scream.
With my eyes stinging, I grab my bag and escape downstairs to where no one can see me spilling tears. I pick up my phone to cancel on Ross, but he’s already texted me.
ROSS:I’m already here in case you finish early. Sitting inside. x
Shit.I can still pull out, but I wipe my eyes and steady my pulse with a few deep breaths. What if Ross has some really big news to tell me? What if it’s about Zac?
Fighting off flashes of Natasha’s displeased face, I drag myself up the street towards the harbourside café, spotting Ross waiting at a corner table. Nerves ripple through my stomach as I approach him. I can’t take another drop of bad news today.
‘Hey, you,’ he says, getting up to give me a one-armed hug. When he pulls back, he frowns at my red-rimmed eyes. ‘Are you OK?’
I flop into the chair. ‘Work dramas. Honestly, I’d rather not talk about it.’
He nods, and I order a caramel hot chocolate and a Caesar salad, even though my appetite has vanished. Ross insists on paying, which makes my curiosity alarm ring louder.
After a couple of minutes of painful small talk, I cut to the chase. ‘You said there was something you want to talk about?’
The atmosphere shifts as Ross picks at the edge of the menu, his gaze falling there. ‘Yeah, so, this morning, when I ran into you and Zac, I couldn’t help but notice that something has … changed?’
The back of my neck heats up while Ross continues quickly.
