And I was there when, a week after the funeral, he packed up and moved to Newcastle, disappearing off social media and barely returning my messages. Hurt grips my heart when I think that if I hadn’t moved up here this year for work, he’d still be a stranger to me.
I know it was Zac who survived something unimaginable, not me. I should have been there forhim, not the other way around. But I can’t help feeling like Zac decided I wasn’t really worth continuing a friendship with after he lost the only girl who actually mattered.
‘Josie? Are you OK?’ Christina’s tender voice brings me back.
‘Yeah.’ I brush the heel of my hand beneath my eyes. ‘Sorry, this convo took a dark turn quickly.’
‘Gosh, don’t apologise. Did they charge the driver who hit them?’
‘Shit, yes. The bastard was drunk—five times over the legal limit. He’s in jail now, where he belongs.’ My throat feels lined with lead. It’s been so long since I’ve really thought about this. About how I woke up every morning in the weeks following the accident with hideous flashes of both Tara and Zac being dead. About how, ever since, I’ve developed an obsessive fear of dying young … convincing myself that my life will be the next to be snatched away.Except my family history points towards cancer as the culprit, I think, as memories of Aunt Susie’s rattling breaths and my grandma’s mottled skin roll through my head.
Before we hang up, Christina says the loveliest things about how lucky Zac is to have me in his life, but our conversation has left a dead weight in my chest.
When Lindsay sends a text inviting me on a spontaneous date day because he misses me, I grab theopportunity to shake off my spell of dark thoughts and ask if he can pick me up.
Lindsay and I stand gazing at the waves crashing wildly over the rocks beyond the breakwall at Nobbys Beach.
‘What do you think, princess?’ he asks. ‘Sydney’s got nothing on Newy, right?’
I smile and lean into him, needing comfort today. ‘It’s beautiful up here.’
It’s not like Sydney’s beaches aren’t spectacular, but I can’t deny the appeal of Newcastle’s fierce, free coastline compared with Sydney’s neatly landscaped beach zones where you have to fight tooth and nail for a parking spot. While I expected to feel a bit bored in Newcastle, the city’s relaxed, low-pressure lifestyle has been a literal breath of fresh air.
After our stroll, Lindsay takes me for fresh prawns and calamari at a nearby seafood co-op, which escalates into beers at the brewery next door. After two rounds, I assume we’re going to leave, but he orders a third and drags my stool closer to his while I’m still parked on it.
I jerk to steady myself, and a laugh tumbles out of me. ‘Aren’t you driving?’ I ask, tilting my head like he’s being naughty.
‘What are you, the cops?’ He tugs me against him and seals his mouth over mine.
OK, I guess we’re tongue-kissing in the middle of a craft beer pub.
The taste of beer on his lips hits me in all the right places, and the wordsscrew itfly through my head as I deepen the kiss, chasing something other than anxiety and loneliness.
The bartender grumbles a request for us to tone it down, and my cheeks flame as I hide my forehead in Lindsay’s chest.
‘Do you like fairs?’ he asks, and I giggle at the random question.
‘Um, I guess?’
He combs his fingers through the loose waves of my hair. ‘The Newcastle Show’s on next weekend, and while it’s totally daggy, I usually go because it takes me back to being a kid.’
‘Aww.’ I give his jaw a little pat.
‘I figure it could be a fun place to take my girl.’ He smirks over the lip of his beer.
I lift a brow. ‘Your girl?’
I’m not sure yet that I want that label, but it’s hard not to smile when someone as attractive and successful as Lindsay is chasing me. Lately, it’s felt like it’s always me doing the chasing while almost everyone I remotely care about runs in the opposite direction.
He takes a swig and blinks at me. ‘What do you say, Josephine? Would you like to go to the Newcastle Show with me?’
I teasingly roll my eyes so hard they just about fall out of my head. ‘If I must.’
My phone pings, and I immediately swipe open the message from Zac.
ZAC:Just leaving work now, sorry I’m a bit late.
I’ll take you to Davide’s as soon as I get back. There in 10.
