While talking openly about what I’ve been through with my health anxiety has lifted a dead weight off my shoulders, I choose to leave out what happened with Zac for now. Once I can talk about him without the contentsof my stomach lining my throat, I’ll break it to Mum and Dad that he and I will probably never be best friends again, despite what we said to each other at the beach.
Even though I’m still not quite sure what went wrong with Zac, I believe that if I’d been in a stronger state of mind through it all, I would have been better equipped to deal with that complicated situation. Ross has also been torturing himself and called me yesterday, beating himself up over what he’d said in the café. But I know it came from a place of love. I’d wanted to ask him how Zac was doing, but I chickened out.
After my parents and I hang up, I rest against the serviced apartment’s kitchen counter and reopen last night’s text chat with Zac.
ZAC:Please let me take you to the train station on Monday. Your train leaves at 10:10 am, right? I’ve got the day off, so it’s fine.
ME:Thanks again, but the apartments here have a shuttle, which will be too easy.
ZAC:But Trouble wants to say goodbye.
He’d added an image of himself holding up Trouble’s rustcoloured paw, her tangled fur hiding half of his smiling face and shining hazel eyes. I hadn’t replied after that.
Gazing at that picture now, and for far too long, I know I can’t be anywhere near Zac for a very long time. With every part of my body sagging, I type my response.
ME:Give her the biggest kiss from me. But I’m sorry, I can’t.
I’m the one who needs time now.
Given that I sent my reply more than twelve hours after Zac’s message, I don’t wait to hear back from him right away. He may not even reply at all after what I just said.
With a nervous churn in my stomach, I dial a number that I’ve been meaning to call for days now but have kept putting off. I don’t expect Meghan to answer, but after a few rings, her silky voice filters through the line, albeit with a scratchy edge.
‘Josie?’
‘Hi, I’m not interrupting you, am I?’
A yawn escapes Meghan’s throat. ‘No. I was just grabbing a nap. It’s been busy down here.’
‘Oh shit, sorry.’
‘It’s fine. I needed to get up anyway. I have to be at Channel One in an hour.’
Another nervous breath pulls through my lips. ‘I won’t keep you long, but I wanted to call and give you my congratulations about the Sydney job. Actually, I’d love to do it in person when I move back soon. Maybe we can grab a coffee if you’re free one morning?’
Meghan’s stunned pause is hardly a surprise. But I recognise that I’ve been projecting a tonne of my own insecurities onto Meghan since I got here, and that’s not the kind of person I want to be. Plus, if there’s anythingI’ve learned in the past few months, it’s that there’s more to life than a big shiny promotion.
‘Thank you,’ Meghan eventually replies, her tone softer but still cautious. ‘I was actually planning to message you.’
‘You were?’
‘I saw your health anxiety story, and I wanted to let you know that I thought it was excellent. I’m sure you already know this, but we ran it down here in Sydney in a couple of different bulletins. Lots of viewers emailed in saying how much they loved it. It was honestly outstanding.’
My smile widens. ‘Thanks so much.’
‘I’ve gotta run, Josie, but maybe I’ll see you down in Sydney for that coffee.’
‘Hope so.’
After grabbing a bite from the sushi bar down the street, I catch an Uber to Nobbys Beach since I’ve already returned my car to NRN News. The warm sheen of spring is peeking through the last week of winter, and I may as well breathe in as much of the salty ocean air as I can get before Sydney’s carpark battles turn me off beach visits for life.
My arms are crossed behind my head when the name ‘Natasha Harrington’ flashes on my phone screen. I lurch forward.
Shit, what have I done wrong this time?
‘Natasha, hi.’
‘Hi, Josie. I’m sorry to call you on a Sunday.’
