‘One of you wants it to continue, and the other one doesn’t?’
I slowly shake my head, digging for the truth, but I can’t seem to find it. ‘I think we both want it. But he lives up there, I’m moving down here, and I don’t see either of us budging on that. I have no interest in doing long distance, and I don’t think he does either.’
‘But if you have feelings for each other,’ she says, leaning forward, ‘shouldn’t there be a way to figure something out?’
A slow, shuddery breath leaves my lungs. ‘I think because we’re already so close, this feels much bigger than it would if we’d just met. I don’t want to hurt him. I’ve told you what he’s been through in his life.’
‘But why would you hurt him? I can see how much you care about him.’
My fingers make an instinctive shift closer to the left side of my chest. ‘Zac can’t lose another girlfriend,’ I say in a strained voice. ‘I won’t do that to him. And the truth is I’m not sure how long I’m going to be around.’
Even to me, the words sound exceedingly premature, but I can’t take risks with Zac’s heart. I won’t.
Christina’s face has tightened up. ‘What are you talking about?’
A tear slips down my cheek as I open up to her about the breast lump. Her eyes widen when I remind her of my family history and bring her up to speed on what the doctor said—including the test I was meant to have tomorrow.
She gets up and reaches for me, pulling me into as best a hug as we can manage over her swollen belly.When her worried eyes rake over me like I’m already on my deathbed, I ask if it’s OK if we drop the health topic for now. More than anything, I want to help her as much as I can while I’m here. Christina’s family all live up in north Queensland, and while they are planning a visit, it won’t be until the baby’s born.
We agree to drive into the city to take my mind off things and shop for some nursery furniture that Christina and Pete still need. Her caring eyes keep landing on me as we browse the department store’s baby section, but she doesn’t push me to talk further. I’m sure she’s ready to drag me to that ultrasound clinic with her bare hands, but she keeps silent.
We stroll along George Street, my arms loaded with Christina’s bags, the smell of exhaust fumes and suits hurrying in all directions making me pine for the slow, easy hum of Newcastle. A few metres ahead of us, an approaching flash of neat blonde hair stops me in my tracks.
‘Is that Meghan Mackay?’ I say, my mouth open.
Christina slows beside me. ‘Who?’
‘Zac’s ex from Newcastle. The one I work with.’
Christina holds a hand to her brow in search of a face that would be vaguely familiar to her at best. But to me, the tall, willowy figure and sleek blonde hair are unmistakeably Meghan’s. She crosses the road up ahead, then disappears into a clothing store.
‘I thought she was reading the news up in Newcastle this week,’ I say to Christina.Looks like I’m not the only one who’s been pulled off presenting duties.
If Meghan had been nicer these past few months, I’d probably send her a message to ask if everything was OK. But ever since Zac broke things off with her, her iciness towards me has become outright glacial.
After we arrive back at Christina’s place with an early takeaway dinner that I don’t really feel like eating, she disappears into her room for a lie-down. I stretch out on her guest bed and flip on the TV to distract myself from anxious thoughts before pulling out my phone. I jerk up against the pillows. I’ve got two missed calls from Zac and three texts.
ZAC:You didn’t answer my question about the test tomorrow … is it on? Pls let me know, because I can take the day off if you want me to come with you.
ZAC:Jose, please reply, I’m getting a bit worried.
You have 1 missed call from Zac Jameson.
ZAC:Is there a reason you’re not talking to me? Because the last I heard, you were driving down to Sydney, and right now, I’m freaking the hell out that something happened. Please reply or call me.
I hurriedly tap his number, my heart racing. I hadn’t even considered that he might believe I was in a caraccident when I didn’t respond to his text. He’s likely on shift, and the phone rings out, so I type out a message.
ME:I’m so sorry. I’m absolutely fine. I was at the shops with Christina and didn’t check my phone until now. I’m sorry I scared you.
I leave my phone out where I can hear it and rest my head against the pillow, a little buoyed by the fact that he was so concerned about me, even though I hate that I did that to him.
My exhausted eyes sink shut, and when they drift open again, the sky is a curtain of black through the window and the credits are rolling on the evening news. I scoop up my phone, my heart skittering at the new message notification.
ZAC:Phew. You still haven’t answered me about the test?
ME:Thank you so much for offering to take time off and come with me, but it’s not needed. Please don’t freak out, but I cancelled the test. I will go, but I need to work up the confidence first.
A speech bubble appears before disappearing and reappearing like he’s figuring out how to respond to my lunacy.
