“I’ve been hyping her up all week,” Josh adds. “What’s our motto?”
“It can’t be worse than last time,” I say with a genuine smile and a big laugh. All of us raise our glasses for a cheers. The entire time Josh doesn’t leave my side. He’s always there, in the big and small ways.
Then it’s Whitney time.
Josh grabs my hand with a smile that looks like it might explode off his face. Last month, we were here, in this exact place, both fighting off feelings for one another. Today, we’re here as a couple that has fully given in to them. He pulls me into a tight embrace, and we start to sway.
“Last time we were here I was trying so hard not to have my heart broken,” he whispers in my ear. “I thought if I called you myfriend enough times that I might start to believe it. This is so much better. I’m just so happy, Gracie.”
“All I wanted last time was for you to spin me around and kiss me,” I say back. “I wanted you—this—so desperately.”
Josh and I do this a lot these days, admitting all of the little moments when we hoped things might evolve into something more and the moments in which we used all of our willpower to hold back. I never expected to be dating again in my forties, and it certainly hasn’t been easy, but what I love about Josh is how open he is with me about how he feels now. He doesn’t hold back. He just spins me around to the music and then pulls me in for a kiss.
I glance across the bar patio and spot Katrina watching us. Well, watching him, I’m sure. Whatever the real reason was for her coming here tonight, it’s clear from the expression on her face that she understands that Josh’s heart isn’t on the market anymore. It’s firmly tied up with mine.
Chapter 27
It’s a cool night, sowhen we get back to the house after our evening out, we decide to sit on the porch swing for a bit. The lightning bugs are floating through the yard and the fresh air feels comfortable in my lungs. Josh and I fall back into an easy conversation about the interview tomorrow with Maisy.
“I wanted to let you play it cool in front of James and Kendell, but tell me the truth—are you nervous?” he asks, grabbing my hand and tangling our fingers together.
“Do I seem nervous?” I ask with a playful grin on my face.
“We’ve spent a lot of time together this summer, and I feel like I read your emotions pretty well, but I can’tcompletelyread your mind yet. It’s been hard for me to tell.”
“Honestly? All week I’ve been slingshotting between total confidence and tiny flecks of despair,” I admit, realizing that in less than twelve hours I’ll be on the plane to Nashville. “I’ve texted with Dr. Lisa a bit, so I know this is a natural way to feel. Jenny has also been giving me lots of straight talk about it. I’ve definitely neededyour relentless positivity in addition to their reality checks, so you’ve been playing an important role.”
I lean in to sweetly nudge his shoulder. His pivot back to early summer–style interview sessions over the last few days has helped so much. I really do feel more prepared than the last time—and it’s buoyed my spirit every time he’s yelled out “Nailed it!” when I landed on a great answer.
What’s also true is that with Maisy, I really don’t know what to expect, and I haven’t had a free moment to listen to her first two live stream podcast episodes. Going in blind is best, I’ve decided, since trying to stick to a prepared strategy didn’t quite work for me during my previous visit in April.
Last time, I thought that I was fully prepared and knew what to expect…and we all know how that ended up. I don’t know what I don’t know. Predictions are futile. Yes, the stress is beginning to bubble up, but that might be how I feel before anything this big, and I’ve got to learn to deal with it.
My support system is also ready to jump in because nothing can change the fact that grief isweird. Even a perfectly executed “good” interview could crack open my heart in unintended ways. A poorly executed interview could end up being not so bad on the emotional Richter scale.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to hop on a plane and come with you?” he asks, completely genuine. This is not something most normal people would offer someone they’ve only been dating for a month, but even I know that this thing Josh and I have is anything but normal.
“It’s tempting, trust me, but Lucia will be there, and it’s barely even a full twenty-four hours. You’ll hardly notice that I’m gone.”
“That, I’m afraid, is entirely untrue,” he says, pulling me close for a kiss as a light breeze blows across the porch.
We sit in silence for a few minutes before Josh admits that sitting outside makes him realize all of the outdoor projects that need to be tackled at the house. This man is nevernotwanting to fix something. The way I love wrestling with words and trying to figure out how to convey a complex emotional feeling for my readers—that’s Josh with home projects. See a problem, break it into pieces, and solve it.
I like the feeling of being here with him, just quietly existing together. The crickets are chirping, and you can hear the voices drifting softly down from the restaurants on Main Street that are still open. The nights here are so peaceful. Usually.
“Can I be honest with you?” I ask, rising from his chest, where I’ve had my head resting for the last few minutes, so that I can look him in the eyes.
“Of course.”
“I was nervous when Katrina showed up tonight,” I say with an embarrassed half smile. “A little while back, Lenny mentioned that she might be back in town, and then Sunny was super cagey when I asked her about it. I should’ve told you, but there was no way to make it not weird. There’s so much history between the two of you, and I didn’t want to spoil anything for us. Tonight, everyone seemed on edge having her back, but you were perfectly normal and made me feel entirely safe.”
“I’ll be honest with you,” he says with a laugh. “I have no idea what tonight was all about. It’s the first time she’s been back in years. I’m sure someone, probably Sunny or James, will give us the gossip in the next few days.”
“That stuff she said about you was so harsh. I don’t think orbelieve any of that. I mean, I know you know that. I guess I just wanted to say it out loud.”
“Gracie, when you hear people say that you’re good for me, they mean it. For years, I had this terrible habit of sort of morphing into the people I dated. It wasn’t only Katrina, although it was the worst with her because of how she operates. I’ve been single on purpose for the last few years to work through it. To figure out who I am when I’m on my own. When I’m with you, I feel completely myself for the first time ever in a relationship,” he shares.
Relationship. It’s the first time either of us have given this thing we have a formal declaration.
