Jack laughed weakly. He must’ve misheard her. “You’re joking, right?”
“No, not at all,” she said quietly.
“You can’t move to Weldon.” He still wore a dismayed smile. “What about your job?”
“I’m leaving the firm.” Her eyes narrowed slightly, and her chin tilted up a notch.
“Leaving the firm?” He didn’t understand. “Your job is your life. I’ve never seen anyone work with such single-minded focus to achieve something. Making partner is your dream.”
“It’s not my dream. It’s my mom’s dream for me. And I thought the only way to live my life was to make my parents proud no matter how unhappy it made me.” The sadness that swept across her face made him want to enfold her in his arms, but the expression vanished in a blink to be replaced by determination. “But now I know better. It’s time I figured out whatIwant to do with my life.”
“How does moving to Weldon have anything to do with that?” He dragged his fingers through his hair. He couldn’t believe this was happening.
“I don’t like living in LA. Even with the therapy and medication, I was constantly overcome with anxiety. I felt scared and aloneall the time.” She started pacing in the small space that marked the sitting area. “I don’t feel like that here. Otherthan my phone calls with my mom, I haven’t had to deal with anxiety once.”
“You’ve been in Weldon less than three weeks. On avacation.You have no idea what real life is like here.” He sounded patronizing, but he couldn’t stop himself as frustration filled him to the brim. Couldn’t she see how rashly she was behaving? He was so close to being with her. He had waited so very long for her. She couldn’t do this. Not now. “Why can’t you just go back to LA?”
“I can ask you the same thing. Why can’t you just stay in Weldon?” Her voice rose to a near shout, but her eyes entreated him.
A part of him wanted to stay. With Lizzy by his side, maybe he could be happy with his life in Weldon. He wouldn’t have to disappoint his family. Butdamn it,he would be disappointed in himself. He needed to know he was following his own dreams—striving to become his best self. With his new job, he was on his way. If he didn’t do this, he would always feel like he gave up on himself.
He grew desperate as he realized this was really happening. He would be moving to Los Angeles, but Lizzy wouldn’t be there. He made a feeble, last-ditch effort to change her mind. “How could you abandon everything you’ve worked for?”
“Don’t,” she spat with clipped anger, “tell me how to live my life.”
“I’m not… I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life.” He rubbed his hands down his face. “I’m just trying to make you see reason.”
“Oh, is that what you’re trying to do? Because I’m incapable of being reasonable without your assistance?” Her lips curled in a bitter mockery of a smile. “Why don’t I also be helpful and try to enlightenyou.How is some entry-level position better thanbeing your own boss? Do you think you’ll be more valued at McBain than you are by your own family?”
Jack fought and lost to keep his insecurities in check. At the very least, he thought she would be proud of him for venturing out of his comfort zone to start a new chapter in his life. He never thought she would mock him for taking an entry-level position. His anger and frustration drained away. He’d always thought his feelings of inadequacy were his own problem. He’d had no idea that Lizzy could think so little of him and his choices.
“It might not seem like much to you, but it’s the start of my dream,” he said with cold detachment even as his heart cracked down the middle.
“Jack, I…” Her lips quivered, but she bit down on it until it stiffened into a grim line. “And if you think I’m throwing my life away when all I’m trying to do is figure out the lifeIwant to live, I don’t think you know me at all.”
Don’t know her at all?Her words gutted him. He knew her like he knew himself. He might not be handling himself well right now, but she must know how much he cared about her. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on his part.
“It’s a good thing we were taking things slowly and our emotions aren’t involved.” He heard the words as though someone else were speaking them. He hardly recognized his own voice. “Because if we can’t even agree on the basics, this thing between us was never going to work anyway.”
Lizzy sucked in a sharp breath, and hurt clouded her expression. But her voice was steady and calm as she said, “You might be right. Maybe it’s for the best that we end this now.”
No.Everything in him screamed,No.But hadn’t he always expected this to happen? He’d always been afraid that he wasn’t good enough for her. Now he knew that she agreed with him.He felt hollowed out, and he welcomed the numbness. The pain would follow. He had no doubt about that. But for the time being, he could function enough to get himself home before his world finished crashing down around his head.
“Do you want me to help clean all this up before I leave?” He waved his hand toward the table and their half-eaten bowls of chili.
“No,” she said in a whisper so soft he hardly heard her. “No, that’s okay. I’ll take care of it.”
“Okay. Thank you.” How polite and courteous they sounded. The sheer absurdity of it made Jack smile drunkenly. “I’ll let myself out.”
“Okay.” She didn’t move from her spot by the couch.
“Bye, Lizzy.” He waved at her, still wearing the off-kilter smile as though he would see her tomorrow—when in reality, he was walking out of her life. Walking away from their decades-long friendship. Away from the love of his life.
“Goodbye, Jack.”
The finality of her words wiped the smile off his face at last. This really wasn’t funny at all. Nothing would ever be funny again. With a nod, he stepped out of her apartment and carefully closed the door behind him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
