“I… I came to apologize.” Her face crumpled with regret and something inside him seemed to wither.
“I don’t want your apology,” he said, more sharply than he’d intended. He didn’t want to assuage her guilt. He wanted to love her. But when her face turned pale, he wanted to smack himself.
“Well, you’re going to get one anyway,” she said, narrowing her eyes at him.
“I…”
“Shut up and listen.” She took a deep breath. “Please. Before I lose my guts and run away.”
The “run away” part shut him up good. No matter what happened, he wasn’t ready to watch her go.
“I was afraid. Not that it excuses what I did to you, but I let my fear get the best of me.” She slid down against the wall until she was sitting on the floor. He joined her from the opposite wall in the hallway. Their outstretched legs were lying parallel to each other. He held himself back from pressing his leg against hers. “What I told you? About my ex from college? There’s more.”
“I’m listening, Tara,” he said in gentle reassurance. But his heart was thumping against his ribs, bruising them with its force. “Go on. I’m here.”
“He wasn’t just controlling. He was emotionally abusive.”
A menacing sound he didn’t know he was capable of making escaped his throat.
“Seth, please. Don’t get angry. Just listen for now. It’s all in the past and I’m finally okay with it. Don’t let it hurt you. Please.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll try not to interrupt anymore,” he said through clenched teeth, trying to control his fury. That bastard had hurt Tara. Really hurt her. He wanted to beat him to an inch of his life.
“He made me believe that I wasn’t good enough. Everything I did was wanting, and he said that I didn’t love him enough to do better. I kept trying to be good enough for him, but kept failing. My confidence was shattered and guilt chained my heart.” She took a shuddering breath and continued, “I would hold my breath and shrink into myself when he was near so I wouldn’t trigger one of his outbursts. But I stayed with him because he always convinced me that it was my fault he got angry. I think that really broke me. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was so scared.”
“God, Tara. I’m so sorry.” Heat prickled behind his eyes as pain slashed through him, and emotion choked his throat.
“One day, something came over me, and I fought back when he lost his temper. I didn’t buy his hateful accusations. I didn’t cower to his fury. The real me was still inside of me, shouting that I didn’t deserve that. That I’m worth more than what he convinced me to believe. That’s when I finally left him.”
Seth stayed silent even as he trembled with helpless fury. He wished he could turn back time and protect her from all harm, but that wouldn’t be right. She was who she was because of her past. What he needed to do was listen, and stand by her as she healed.
“The thing that tortured me most was that I’d lost myself so completely. I thought love was the destructive force that broke me. That’swhy I was so frightened when you told me you loved me, because I knew I loved you, too. All I could think was that I didn’t want to go back to being that broken person. Or become a monster who breaks you.” Her voice cracked, but she continued with renewed strength, “But now I finally understand that it was the malice and the toxicity that made me lose myself. That’s the nature of abuse, not love. I won’t hide in shame and fear anymore. I survived soul-destroying abuse, and that’s a testament to my strength. I was so wrong to fear love. My love for you only makes me stronger, and it will never make me hurt you the way I’ve been hurt.”
“Tara, you are amazing—smart, kind, and so strong. Never doubt that.” Seth rejoiced in her admission of love, but more than anything, he was so fucking proud of her.
“Do you forgive me? For breaking your heart. For lying to you. Because it was the biggest lie I ever told. How can I not love you?” She shifted to sit beside him and hesitantly gathered his hand between her own. “I love you so much that I can’t even contain it inside me. Now that I’ve told you… told you that I love you, I can finally breathe. And I don’t ever want to stop saying it.”
He cupped her cheek with his free hand. “There’s nothing to forgive. I knew in my soul that you loved me. Like you said, you couldn’t contain it. You loved me with your every glance and touch. I felt it. It was dense of me to take so long to realize that we were in love. I should’ve known I loved you. You filled me with joy and yearning every time I saw you, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you when we were apart.”
“Do you still love me?” Tara’s eyes searched his as if she was looking for the very meaning of life.
“So much,” he whispered. “Tara, I love you now and forever. And I’m never letting you go again.”
Tara threw her arms around his neck and held on for dear life. “You won’t get a chance. I might lock you in the bedroom and throw away the key.”
“Ooh, kinky. I have no objections to that.” His smile was tremulous, but his heart was singing.
“We don’t have to… I’m not sure… can we talk first?” she said shyly into his neck.
He chuckled low in his chest, and kissed the top of her head. “Of course, baby. As long as you want. I was only teasing.”
“Okay. Good. So you won’t get the wrong idea if I ask to move this conversation to the bedroom? My butt cheeks are getting numb.”
Seth would’ve loved to massage them for her, but he needed to keep himself under control. Tara was exhausted and vulnerable right now, and he didn’t want to overwhelm her. Instead, he lifted her to her feet, and led her to his bedroom.
“Oh,” she gasped. “Seth… oh.”
His walls were covered with his paintings and artwork, with his recently finished work of her in the hills of Weldon placed prominently above his bed.
