There was a pause. “I don’t know.”
“How could you not know?”
“Because I don’t remember.”
“You don’t... remember?”
“No. But that’s not important.”
Iris frowned. “But—”
“All you need to know is that after Meph and I met, we were drinking one night, and he told me he never wanted to shift back to demon form. He said he’d only been able to shift because, when Belial had assigned him the job—Kings and Queens of Hell are the ones who hand out Earth assignments—Bel had roasted his ass with hellfire until he cooperated.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah, Bel was a piece of work back then too. But once Meph was in human form, he said he could suddenly think clearly for the first time in his life. He told me he didn’t want to shift back, and he didn’t want to go back to Valefor’s lair. He asked me to help him escape, so I did.”
“How do you know all that if you don’t remember?”
“I remember that night. It’s the three hundred years before that I don’t.”
“What? But how... ?” She struggled to put her churning thoughts into concise questions. There were so many. But at the root of it all, there was one thing that had been nagging at her since the day she’d asked Meph about his sigil tattoo.
“Both you and Meph make it sound like he’s separate from his demon form somehow, like they’re two different people. But Mist and Ash are the same no matter what form they’re in, so why is Meph different?”
Raum hesitated before responding. “As I said, Val broke him, but it took a while, and he had to work hard to keep him in line. I guess Meph developed a way to dissociate from what he was going through. He kinda... split himself into two personalities. One side of him is the normal guy you know—well, normal-ish—and the other is the kind of monster that survived centuries of torture and depravity and did a lot of fucked-up shit for his fucked-up master. It’s dark.”
“Oh my god.”
“Yeah. His personalities are tied to his two forms, human and demon. I don’t think he realized he’d even split himself like that until he shifted for the first time. That’s why he got that sigil tattoo. Because if he ever shifts back, he unleashes that part of him. As long as he stays in human form, he can control it. It’s one of the reasons we escaped Hell too—being around too much darkness makes it harder to keep his demon form contained. He’s been a lot more stable since we got to Earth.”
Iris suddenly saw Meph and Raum’s friendship in a whole new light. They weren’t just two friends shooting the shit. They werebrothers. Raum had gotten him out of a horrible situation, and they stuck together. All the brothers did.
“I guess I’m just warning you to be careful,” Raum said. “And maybe just... keep your guard up. Sometimes, managing him is a full-time job, and it’s exhausting. He’s my brother and I want him to be happy. I just don’t want you to go into this blind.”
“We’re not together,” Iris finally blurted, still feeling sick to her stomach. “He told me he had feelings for me, and I shut him down. And then he left and forgot his phone, and now I’m worried about him.”
There was a pause.
“He said that? To your face?” Raum sounded incredulous.
“Yeah.”
“Meph. Said he had feelings.”
“. . . Yeah.”
“And you rejected him.”
Immediately, her hackles rose. “I don’t owe anyone any—”
“You have no intention of being with him, and you let me tell you that whole story? He’s going to flip when he finds out, and I did it for no fucking reason. Thanks a goddamn lot.”
Oh.“I won’t tell if you don’t,” she said weakly.
“Whatever, Iris. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Lily, I wouldn’t bother with you.”
She flinched, but for the first time, she had no snarky comeback. All she could think was,I wouldn’t bother with me either.
