23
Good Girls Go To Heaven
Raum stared at the angel staring back at him. He knew what she was waiting for.
He wanted to speak, but he couldn’t seem to make any words come out. He’d never been great at expressing himself, and now that he actually had something to express, it was even more difficult.
It didn’t help that he was still reeling from everything that had happened back at his place. Bel and Mist had launched an insane angel-trap operation, and then Sunshine had convinced him to dissolve their contract after confessing she didn’t have the book.
Ofcourseshe didn’t have it.
If he’d actually thought about it for two damn seconds, he would have figured that out himself. She’d never actually said she had it, only that she’d found it. She hadn’t been able to meet his gaze whenever he asked her about it, and she’d quickly changed the subject every time. He’d been happy to keep living in his delusional dream world and pushed the doubts aside.
But she’d confessed that she’d lied because of him. Because she wanted to stay and spend time with him. She claimed she wanted it more than she wanted the book.
He’d heard it straight from her lips, but he still had doubts. As self-deprecating as it sounded, he found it hard to believe he could mean that much to her. She’d said getting her promotion was her ultimate goal, and now she didn’t care…because ofhim?
The pressure to speak suddenly became too much. Normally, he would’ve jumped out the window and flown off by now, but he didn’t want to do that to Sunshine. Instead, he turned away, heading toward the kitchen sink where he began awkwardly washing the blood off himself. There wasn’t much; it was mostly to give his hands something to do.
But his turning away was evidently the end of Sunshine’s patience.
“I just told you all my secrets and you haven’t said a word,” she snapped. “It’s not fair that you pushed me into saying what I did only to suddenly turn mute. I don’t see why I should have to expose myself and share my feelings while you stay locked up and refuse to—”
“I care too,” he muttered, wincing at his ineloquence. The water was still running, so he shut it off.
She fell silent.
He stared into the sink as he admitted, “I care about keeping you safe more than I cared about getting out of the contract. That’s why I didn’t want to break it.”
Silence.
He forced himself to turn around. “I’m not good at feelings.” An understatement. It was taking all his self-control not to leap out the window. “I’ve never really had them. At least, not in the last few centuries. And before my lost memories, I was just…cold. I don’t like thinking about it.”
Sunshine held perfectly still, as if the slightest disturbance might spook him into silence again. He wasn’t sure that it wouldn’t.
“But…” He stared at his claws and then watched Luna sprawl on her side in a patch of sunlight with an epic doggie sigh of relaxation. He swallowed, feeling pretty much the opposite. “I feel things now. Since you came along. I—”
Fuck.Inwardly, he was panicking.
He glanced at Sunshine. Her eyes were soft. So damn inviting. He stared into their depths.
“You make me feel…warm,” he admitted, feeling stupid. “Safe, I guess. But also violent, but in a possessive way, like I’d kill everyone except for you.”
“Raum…”
“I trust you. Maybe it’s stupid to trust an angel, but I trust you as much as I trust my brothers. Maybe more. I don’t know if that even matters, but—”
“I trust you too,” she whispered. “And it does matter. Your feelings matter.Youmatter.”
Why did his throat feel tight? He rubbed the back of his neck. “I have this feeling like… Never mind. It’s stupid.”
“Nothing you say is stupid. You can tell me.”
He swallowed. “It just feels like…we were meant to meet, and maybe…”
“To be together,” she finished softly.
He stared at her. “Yeah.” He wanted so badly to share his suspicions that they’d known each other in the past, but she’d already told him she’d never met him before, and he didn’t want to dredge all that up right now anyway.
