‘‘You mean have I talked to him about this?’’
‘‘Yes.’’
‘‘Of course not. I wouldn’t discuss this with him.’’
‘‘So you’ve met a man whom you admire greatly. You’re in fact falling in love with him, but you refuse to discuss the future with him.’’
Alex opened her mouth, then closed it. ‘‘I don’t love him.’’
‘‘Of course you don’t. It would never work. How smart you are to figure this out early. I assume you’ll be leaving today?’’
‘‘Leaving?’’
‘‘Yes. Why waste your time being around a man like him? If he won’t compromise and give up his world for you, why bother with him?’’
‘‘It’s not like that. I’m not saying that he wouldn’t give up everything, I’m saying I don’t want him to.’’
‘‘But you don’t love him.’’
‘‘No.’’ She couldn’t. Love Mitch? It wasn’t possible. Things could never work out between them. They were too different. Love. She thought about how he’d held her the previous night, and the way he’d laughed with her in the diner. She thought about his strong, gentle hands and the way he made her feel as if she belonged in his arms. Was that love?
‘‘No,’’ she said firmly. ‘‘We’re friends. Nothing more.’’
‘‘Alexandra, you are a most stubborn woman. I suppose I should be grateful you’ve learned there’s more to life than simply doing your duty. So take your newfound knowledge and start enjoying yourself. Stop faxing the palace four and five times a day. Stop calling. We’re fine here. We have a staff that functions surprisingly well despite your absence. Why don’t you take a trip to Disneyland or go see a play in New York? Or better yet, have a wild, passionate affair with your young man.’’
‘‘Mother!’’
The queen laughed. ‘‘Don’t for a moment think that your generation invented sex. It’s actually been around for quite some time.’’
‘‘I know that. I just can’t believe you would encourage reckless behavior in one of your daughters.’’
‘‘I wouldn’t, Alexandra. I trust you to temper a little bit of wildness with good sense. If you trust this Mitch, then I believe he is trustworthy. So have fun for once. Worry about the rest of it when you’re back in Wynborough.’’ She paused, then spoke to someone at the other end of the phone. ‘‘I must go. I love you.’’
‘‘I love you, too.’’
Alex hung up the phone and stared at the receiver. Her mother wanted her to have an affair? Or at the very least, enjoy herself with Mitch. Was that possible? Was it even allowed?
* * *
Alex petted the smooth, soft nose of the skittish bay mare. ‘‘There’s a pretty girl. Aren’t you lovely? Don’t you like your new home?’’
Alex hadn’t tried riding the new mare yet, but she was making progress. Princess—Alex still smiled every time she thought of the bay’s name—trusted her enough to take bits of apple or carrot from her hand. The horse even let her stroke her nose and rub her ears. But Alex sensed that there would be trouble if the animal was ridden too early.
‘‘I had the most interesting conversation with my mother this morning,’’ Alex said as she collected brushes and combs and stepped inside the stall to groom the mare. ‘‘Parents can be very unusual. Just when I think I have my mother completely figured out, she does something to shock me. Are you like that with your babies?’’
The mare’s only response was to toss her head.
‘‘I thought so.’’ Alex brushed the mare’s coat with long, slow, steady strokes. She was trying to get the animal used to her presence, her voice and her touch. ‘‘When we’re done in here, I’m going to take you out and exercise you on a lead.’’
She reached up and brushed Princess’s neck. ‘‘She told me it’s time for me to put aside my responsibilities and have a little fun. The thing is, I’m not sure I remember how. I’ve been so responsible for so long. What if that’s all I know?’’
Princess looked at her as if urging her to continue with her story.
‘‘I’m the oldest of four daughters,’’ Alex said. ‘‘I was always expected to be the most mature, to do the right thing and set an example for my sisters. Even when I wanted to play with them, or with my friends, I often had duties and responsibilities. It wasn’t that easy for me to be like other children. If my sisters didn’t want to go to a function, they often were allowed to refuse. But I had to be there. As I grew older, there were more functions and more responsibilities. Not that I minded. I always felt it was my place to serve.’’
She walked around the front of the horse and began brushing the other side. ‘‘Somehow I’ve come to believe I have to earn my place in the world. I know that probably sounds silly, but it’s true. Even with all the family wealth and privilege, I worry about not being enough, or doing enough. It was as if I’d been given so much that I had to prove I was worthy of keeping it. So many times I’ve admired my sisters and wished I could be more like them. Katherine is so calm and relaxed. Nothing ruffles her. She never has any self-doubts. Elizabeth has a zest for life that inspires me, even as I envy her. And Serena, well, she can be a force of nature. She is impulsive and while she frustrates me, in my heart I wish I could be more like her.’’
She pressed her hands against the mare’s side. ‘‘I’ve always been so dependable and boring. I’ve never dared to do what I wanted with my life.’’
