His steady gaze didn’t offer any escape. Alex supposed she could have insisted on a change of subject, but she found herself wanting to talk about this. Mitch was a neutral party, and she knew she could trust him to keep quiet.
‘‘Sometimes I know that I would be a good queen. You’re right—I do care about my country and my people. I would happily dedicate my life to them. I have many ideas about improvements. I think it’s important to stay focused on the future and new opportunities while maintaining the life lessons and history of the past.’’
‘‘That sounds great. But what about the other times?’’
She found herself unable to meet his gaze. She stared into her mug of coffee. ‘‘Other times I’m not so sure.’’
‘‘What does that mean?’’
She shook her head. She couldn’t say it. Not to him, not to anyone.
‘‘Alex?’’
‘‘It’s wrong and selfish.’’
‘‘I don’t believe that. Tell me.’’ He stretched his arm across the table and placed his hand on top of hers.
His fingers were warm and strong as he squeezed hers. She found herself wanting to speak a truth she’d never had the courage to say aloud before. ‘‘Sometimes…sometimes I don’t want to be queen, or even a princess. Sometimes I want to run away and live like everyone else. I don’t want to be responsible or have to worry about the press or the country or what the people will think. Sometimes I just want to be foolish and ordinary and not think about anyone but myself.’’
‘‘There’s nothing wrong with that.’’
‘‘Of course there is. My sisters and I have lived an extraordinary life. We’ve been blessed with material possessions and great responsibility. We have a warm, loving family. That should be enough. I hate that I want more. I hate that I’m not more grateful for all I’ve been given. I hate that I want to be like other women and just meet a man and fall in love. I hate that I’ll have to worry about visiting heads of state instead of my husband, or getting back from a diplomatic trip in time to see my child’s first dance recital.’’
I hate that I can’t pick who I marry.Except she didn’t say that. She could barely admit that truth to herself. But it was true. Although she’d tried very hard to be dutiful and understanding, she wanted to fall in love with the man she married. She wanted their relationship to be special, not politically sound. Sometimes her heart felt so empty and dry, she was afraid it would shatter and blow away.
‘‘I wish I had some words of advice to offer,’’ he said, ‘‘but I don’t. I can’t relate to anything you’re saying. All I know is normal.’’
‘‘You don’t know how I envy that.’’
He offered her a quick smile. ‘‘I wish I could tell you that I envy you your royal life, but I don’t. I’ve only ever wanted to live on the ranch.’’
‘‘I understand why. It’s beautiful there.’’ She drew in a deep breath. ‘‘I wish…’’ Her voice trailed off. There was no point in wishing. Her destiny had been set a long time ago.
‘‘You ready to go?’’ he asked.
When she nodded, he threw several bills on the table. Alex stared at them. ‘‘May I pay for dinner?’’
‘‘No, you may not.’’ He helped her into her coat, then he took her elbow and led her out to the truck, muttering all the while. ‘‘Buy me dinner. That’ll be the day I let a woman pay for my food. I can’t believe you even asked. Talk would spread faster than wildfire if I so much as let you put down the tip. My mama didn’t raise me that way.’’
Alex planted her heels and stared at him. ‘‘You’re a sexist pig.’’
Instead of getting angry, Mitch grinned. ‘‘Yes, ma’am. I hold open doors, I let ladies go first and I pay for meals.’’
‘‘But I’m a princess.’’
‘‘I believe we’ve established that fact.’’
‘‘No one buys me dinner.’’
‘‘Then this is a first.’’ He opened the passenger-side door for her and motioned for her to step inside. ‘‘Now if I remember correctly, little lady, you said something about wanting to go to Submarine Point.’’
She didn’t know whether to laugh or threaten him with beheading again. ‘‘I’ll get you for this,’’ she insisted.
‘‘I’m sure you’ll try.’’
He waited until she was settled, then walked around to the driver’s side and climbed in. As he started the truck, he squinted up at the sky. ‘‘It’s nice and clear. We should be able to see all the way to the Pacific Ocean tonight.’’
Alex chuckled, then stopped as she had a sudden, unpleasant thought. She’d suggested going to Submarine Point in jest. Although she didn’t mind seeing the view of the valley below, she didn’t want Mitch thinking that she expected him to, well, do anything.
