Ula entered. As always she was perfectly tidy in a plain gray dress. Her dark gaze was unwavering. “I’ve set up lunch.”
“Thank you. Cathy is going out for a run, so she’ll be eating later.”
Ula nodded. “I passed her in the hall. She mentioned that.” She paused, and he knew she had more to say.
“What is it?” he asked, knowing it was pointless to avoid the inevitable.
She took a step into the room. Despite her height—or lack of—she was imposing as she stared at him. “You can’t keep doing this much longer.”
He wasn’t sure what thethiswas, but he had a feeling she was going to fill in the details. He leaned back in his chair and kept quiet.
“She isn’t a plaything,” Ula told him.
Theshebeing Cathy, of course. “I know that. I respect her. She works for me and does a great job.” He knew this wasn’t about work, but it was the only card he had.
“The girl is in love with you. You’re treating her as if you have strong feelings for her. In the end, she’s going to face heartache at your hand. You must let her go.”
“It’s not like that,” he said lamely, trying not to remember the first time they’d made love. As Cathy had fallen asleep, she’d whispered that she loved him. Since then she hadn’t repeated the words. He’d almost been able to make himself believe she hadn’t really said them…or if she had, that she hadn’t really meant them.
Unfortunately even he couldn’t make that one fly. She cared deeply about him. He wasn’t sure if it was love, but it was strong enough that she could be hurt. He didn’t want her to love him—he wasn’t worthy. And he knew better than to love someone else.
“I never told her it could be more,” he said by way of defense, as much to Ula as to himself. It was true, he thought. He’d made it clear that he wasn’t interested in any kind of a relationship. He ignored the voice in his head that asked what they had now, if not a relationship.
Ula shook her head. “She deserves better than this. She’s been wonderful to you, and this is how you’re repaying her. Stringing her along as if she’s not a real person, worthy of consideration.”
He hated her assessment even as he thought she might be right. “It’s not like that.”
“It’s exactly like that. I don’t know which would be worse. That you’re lying to yourself about the truth of it, or that you’re so blind and caught up with yourself and your own problems you can’t see what’s really going on.”
* * *
Cathy stared at the small, wide-mouth plastic cup. “Do I have to?”
The curly-haired nurse grinned. “‘Fraid so.”
Cathy groaned. “But I just went before I left the house. I don’t think I have it in me. And I mean that literally.”
“There’s a water cooler at the end of the hall,” the nurse said helpfully. “You could try downing a couple of glasses.”
Cathy shook her head. “Let’s see what I can do on my own first.”
When she was done, the nurse led her to an examining room and handed her a paper robe.
“I’m sure you know the drill,” the young woman said. “We keep the air-conditioning cranked up, so feel free to leave on your socks.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s really going to help.”
Cathy stepped behind the curtained dressing area. While she hated going to the doctor, she knew it was important to get her annual checkup. And she wanted to get a prescription for birth-control pills.
She folded her clothes, then slipped on the robe. As usual she felt exposed and foolish as she perched on the edge of the examining table. To distract herself, she thought of Stone. As her good mood faded, she realized that had been a mistake.
How much longer until Stone noticed something was wrong? She suspected he already knew but he was giving her time to work it out on her own. She was having trouble pinning down the exact problem herself. Some of it was that she was afraid she was little more than a good deed for Stone. A good deed he enjoyed sleeping with.
On the other hand, she reminded herself that she’d known going in that he would never fall in love with her. She’d decided that knowing what it would be like with him, then losing him, would be better than always wondering. She couldn’t forget that. She’d promised herself no regrets.
“An easy promise when I didn’t know how much it was going to hurt,” she admitted.
Sometimes the pain was so sharp, she could barely breathe. She thought she’d known what she was doing when she’d started their affair, but now she wasn’t so sure. She still loved him. If anything, her feelings had grown stronger. She believed that it was just a matter of time until he tired of her. Then where would she be? Where would she go? Could she still work for him? Would he even want her to?
