“Shit, I don’t know.” David shrugged with a little half-cocked grin. “I’m happy to help, but I’m a flighty artist with a community college computer science degree.”
Mason snorted, then laughed out loud. “Well I don’t know. I also have a computer science degree and didn’t pay attention in the one psych class that I took just to fill out my elective credits.”
David clicked his tongue. “Well hell. Maybe I can’t help you.” David slapped his hand down on Mason’s again and squeezed. “But I’m ready to try. Anything you need that I can provide, I will.”
And in that moment, Mason felt that. It was true. He didn’tthinkit was true. He didn’t figure itmustlogically be true. He didn’t evenfeelit was true, really.
It just was.
David would be there for him.
Chapter twenty-two
Mason
“Definitelykeepingthatplacein my rotation.” David’s mouth was absolutely on fire and he was full and happy as they stepped out of the elevator and headed back to Mason’s hotel room.
“It was pretty good. Hard to find anywhere that does a good okra dish. At least up here.” Mason couldn’t help a sense of pride, even if there was a voice in the back of his head that chided him for evenbeingproud of himself. After all, he was thirty. He should be able to eat in front of a guy who asked him to go to dinner.
But he was proud all the same. Once he’d had a few bites and nothing happened, the chains wrapping around him had loosened, and Mason had actually really enjoyed the food…and obviously the company. Mason was not opposed to spicy food, but after watching David wave at his mouth and chug water allthe way through his meal, he was pretty firmly of the opinion that Davidshouldbe opposed to it.
They stepped into the hotel room and it wasn’t even a question that David would be accompanying him. It also wasn’t even a question they’d end up making out…which was when Mason’s anxieties finally broke back through. He wanted to feel David’s lips again, but he didn’t want to touch him in the process.At least not my belly. It was one thing to not hate the way Mason looked, but it was another entirely to feel every inch of his body and not be immediately turned off. Plenty of guysthoughtthey were fine with a bigger guy until they actuallytoucheda bigger guy.
As the door closed, David stuck his foot in-between Mason’s and pressed his knee forward. Not enough to crush his bits, but enough to make sure that his presence was known. He smiled across at Mason. “My mouth is still on fire. I really want to kiss you, but I’m not sure that’s wise until I get the chance to brush my teeth.”
Mason tried not to laugh, but it wriggled up his throat and out of his mouth all the same. “Is that your subtle way of asking to borrow my toothbrush?”
“That was my subtle way of saying we should move this to my hotel room.” David stepped back. “But if you’re game, I can pop in there and brush and be minty fresh and ready to go.”
Mason’s stomach tightened and twisted, and it wasn’t because of the meal. “I’m pretty sure sharing mouth germs isn’t a concern right now.”
David nodded and twisted around him to head into the bathroom.
Once the door closed and the light flicked on, Mason went to his laptop. He wouldn’t have time to fill out his spreadsheets or anything for the job, but he had time for this. He opened up hisjournal, changed the text away from white so he could actually see what he was typing, and then started in.
I don’t know what the hell he thinks he sees in me. I want David. I do. I have since the first second he walked into that meeting. But I don’t know if I can handle the look of disgust on his face when he feels what it’s like to press into belly fat. Not going to be so inspiring or whatever after that.
Mason’s hands shook and he felt a prickle behind his eyes. Everything he’d ever experienced of David told him he was being ridiculous and allowing fear and probably some self-loathing to color his expectations. He was letting crap that wasn’t probably going to happen make him sad, which served no one. Yet he couldn’t stop it, and once he got his fingers to steady, he started typing again.
He could just walk out. Or maybe we try to have sex and he can’t get it up once he actually looks at me. He hasn’t even seen me without a shirt on, for Christ’s sake. I really think this is the kind of surprise to spring on him out of nowhere? He doesn’t know what he’s getting into, and I know exactly what I’m getting into: a lot of hurt. I don’t think he wants to hurt me, but I also don’t think it always matters what someone wants.
I don’t think David would try to do anything bad, but I don’t know if I can handle getting rejected like that right now.
“I’m not going to hurt you.”
Mason turned and saw that he’d completely missed David coming out of the bathroom and padding over. And thanks to Mason not being a kid anymore, he had his font size up high enough that apparently David could read it.
His mind spun through options. He could act outraged that David had read over his shoulder. He could try to pass it off as something else. He could give David an out so that he could leave and all of this could be avoided.
David leaned in and wrapped his arms around Mason, squeezing hard. It was the most intense hug Mason could remember getting in a long time…if not ever. It felt like David was trying to press some sort of intention in through Mason’s skin, as if he had to get all the emotions in physically, whatever they were.
After a couple seconds, Mason wrapped his arms around David as well. He didn’t tighten up quite so hard, but it felt right. Then whatever was happening seemed to work, at least a little. Some of the tension wicked away from Mason’s shoulders and spine.
Finally, David released him and stepped back. His brows knitted together in the middle and there was a mist to his eyes, which made Mason’s stomach drop down to his feet. “I’m sorry, I’m not—”
“None of that.” David wiped at his eyes with one knuckle. “I don’t know how to make you believe what I say, and I don’t know how to make you see what I see when I look at you and your…infuriatingly well-organized existence.” He sighed. “But I’m going to figure it out.”
“It’s not you. And I…that’s a journal I keep to get my thoughts straight.”
