Maybethatwould be enough to cement them, even though Dane was choosing to leave.
He snapped off that line of thought before it could go any further. Hehadmade that choice, and it was the right choice. He knew as much, and filling his brain up with a bunch of needless guilt over it wouldn’t do either of them any good. It damn sure wouldn’t change reality, either.
Dane walked to the bed and sat gingerly on the edge. He clasped his hands together in his lap as nerves fired on overdrive. Then he glanced behind him to Aras. “Have I told you how hot you are recently?”
“No, I don’t think you have.” Behind Dane, the mattress shifted and wobbled. Then Aras’s fingers landed on Dane’s shoulders. “If you’re nervous—”
“I am.” Dane twisted himself around so he was facing Aras. Not quite straight on, but better. “It’s stupid, right? It was my idea, and I already have evidence you’re not going to recoil in terror when you see me naked. But I’ve got butterflies.”
Aras almost suppressed a smile, and for the first time in two days, Dane saw that familiar brightness and life in his gaze. It didn’t last long, but he’d certainly caught it. Once it faded, though, Aras was back to serious talk. “If you don’t want to fuck tonight, I’m not going to be mad.”
“I said I was nervous, not that I wasn’t ready.” Dane reached up and stroked his hand down the side of Aras’s face, then down his neck and shoulder, to his chest, ending when he felt the first ridge of his rib cage. “I want you. I guess I’m worried that…I won’t be good.”
“Either it’s amazing, or it gives us an excuse to practice whenever we get together again.” Aras’s voice sounded a bit hollower than normal, but not completely dead by any stretch. Maybe most importantly, Dane felt the weight and sincerity behind the words. Nothing—not tone, not expression, not body language—suggested Aras was anything other than totally serious about what he’d said.
The nerves balled up in Dane’s gut didn’t vanish, but they loosened a bit. He leaned forward for a kiss. Aras’s lips were slightly dry, and the kiss was tense at first before they melded against each other’s mouths.
Aras wrapped his arms fully around Dane and pulled him back onto the bed. Dane allowed it. Once they were laying down, he wriggled an arm out and grabbed the box of condoms from the nightstand. Not to interrupt—he wouldn’t dream of it—but to be prepared.
Aras’s fingers were rough and rigid, biting into Dane’s body as he explored. His tongue was manic, his breath was fire as it filled Dane’s mouth, and his heart slammed so hard Dane could feel it in his own chest.
He was all but breathless when he broke off the kiss, and his skin had tinged pink. “Lights on or off?”
Off would be easier. Dane lifted up his shirt and tossed it aside. “On. This memory’s going to need to last a little while.” He ran his hands down Aras’s bare chest. “And I want it in clear detail.”
Again, that bright pop of life returned to Aras’s eyes. Dane stared straight ahead, capturing every detail of that expression he could. So he almost missed Aras’s words. Almost, but he caught them, even if it took a moment for his brain to process. “I really do think I love you.”
From any other guy, Dane might have taken offense to the equivocation. He didn’t. He couldn’t. They had dived into this mess, and somehow only made it messier as time went on. Equivocation was more than acceptable. “If you think you love me, then let me make it a sure thing.”
Aras reached and pulled down his pants and underwear without hesitation. “You’ve had the secret to love this entire time, and you’re just sharing now?”
“Oh, it’s not a secret, per se.” Dane helped Aras take off his clothes the rest of the way, and in spite of all the heaviness surrounding the moment, his cock throbbed to life when he saw Aras, exposed and hard and obviously ready.
Dane struggled his own pants and underwear down and kicked them off, then laid flat on his belly and ran his hands under Aras’s thighs, pushing until he found Aras’s ass crack. “I have a really talented tongue.”
Danewantedthis to be a moment to bring them together, to give them a better chance. But if itwastheir one and only fuck, then he’d make sure it was the best he could possibly give.
Chapter thirty-six
Aras
Arashadtohelp,since Dane wasn’t exactly the bulkiest, most muscular top in the world. It forced him to focus even harder on Dane’s touch, reading every tiny movement to guide him. Dane’s hands were under Aras’s ass, and when he pressed upward, Aras leaned back. His breath caught in his throat. “I haven’t been rimmed in a hot minute.”
“A crime against nature.”
Before Aras could respond, Dane dove down, burying his face in Aras’s cheeks. The bridge of his nose was a sharp pressure, but not painful, and his lips were surprisingly soft on the too-sensitive skin. Aras wanted to keep talking, to reassure him—even though Dane already knew—that he didn’t have to do this. Aras could tell that was his own anxiety pushing him to make the clarification, and he normally would have given in.
Not then. There was a desperation palpably tingeing every movement Dane made. The way his fingers clenched like claws around Aras’s thighs. The way his tongue lingered slightly too long with each lapping pass at Aras’s hole. The way he kept pressing, as if to get deeper, closer to Aras.
Everything coalesced into a gale in Aras’s core, the sensation so ragged and intense, it pressed against his skin. He didn’t even have to reach down and stroke himself to get steel-hard, and precum dripped from his cock down to his belly button. Yet Dane showed no sign of slowing or backing off. Aras only barely heard his own panting moans, turned to rough inhalations, turned to animalistic grunting as Dane’s tongue worked him over, opened him and relaxed him. When he felt the tip of Dane’s tongue push past the rim, his breath stopped and his cock twitched.
Finally, Aras had to speak up. He scrabbled a hand down to Dane’s shoulder. His skin was white-hot to the touch. But Dane did lift his head. Aras grinned up at him. Or, at any rate, he tried to. He had no confidence that his muscles were listening to the signals he was sending. “You keep that up, I’m gonna blow my load before you even get the condom on.”
Dane smiled, his face red and his hair already flattened with sweat. “Maybe that’s my goal.” He punctuated the comment with his finger, brushing it over Aras’s hole, then bringing it up to his mouth and sucking on it. Eventhatsimple motion drove Aras wild, picking up the storm inside himself. If it had been a gale before, it was rapidly approaching hurricane territory.
When he pulled his finger past his lips, it glistened with spit. When he reached back for Aras’s hole, with a tiny bit of pressure, he slid inside. All the while, he held eye contact, and Aras stared at him, trying to control his face.
But why?The question raced through him, speeding the storm in his middle. What was the point of holding back when he was getting fingered? What facial expression was he going to make that would ruin this whole thing when Dane was already literally in him? And if there was something he could do to shatter everything apart, wouldn’t it be better to know rather than find out after they decided to pursue arealrelationship?
