I can’t get back together with him. No matter what my brain keeps screaming. Ozzy closed his eyes and let the cold turn into shivers. He could just shake himself back into something that made sense. He and Evander certainly didn’t make sense.
It didn’t mean abandoning all the memories, and for the foreseeable future, he would still be around Ev. A lot. That was the only thing that helped stave off the cold. Even when they were biting with each other, arguing about stupid bullshit, it was a little spark of life compared to the cold that was trying to break in and consume him.Can’t blame the cold when I’m the asshole who didn’t towel off. But he knew it went beyond that. It wasn’t just a chill from the shower or the AC in that moment. So much of his life felt…duller.
Hedidn’twant to completely cut Evander out, but there was no way in hell he could inflict their romance on everyone elseagain. As much as they might think Ozzy was a prick—and as much as they may have been right, at least some of the time—he cared about the Pine Point crew. They didn’t deserve to get swept up in the nonsense that always,alwaysunfolded between Ozzy and Evander.
He forced himself to his feet and finally dried himself off, rubbing vigorously over his arms, legs, and belly until he started to generate a little heat.
They could be around each other and have a relationship without dating. They hadn’t done the friend thing very often, only knew each other four months before they first started dating. But as Ozzy stared at himself in the mirror, scrubbed red from the terrycloth and otherwise looking like hell, the option firmed up as the only one that made any sense. He wasn’t apparently ready to fully cut off Evander, even if thathadbeen practical. They were going to be working together for at least six more jobs after this one.
“Friends.” He spoke it tentatively, like it might taste too sour or bitter in his mouth. Instead, he had to suppress a giggle about it. Patently ridiculous to make such a big deal about that possibility, yet there he was.
“Friends.” He said it with a bit more force, staring down his reflection. “I’ll tell him we should just try being friends.” It made the most sense.
Plus, somewhere in the back of that decision, trying and failing to hide, was the idea that friends could become something more. This wasn’t him shutting the door completely on Evander and him. Just a reasonable place to slow down instead of the wild emotional swings they’d always navigated before.
That spark of heat in his belly dimmed, but didn’t go out, so it was at least an acceptable choice.
For now.
He pretendedthatthought didn’t penetrate through as he tossed his towel on the counter and went to get dressed.
Chapter twenty-nine
Evander
He was early, ofcourse. Not good to keep Ozzy waiting when he showed up, and Evander was too excited to just sit around his hotel room anyway. Plus, since they were meeting in the bar, it gave him a chance to slam back a little liquid courage. Not enough to addle his brain, but a shot of bourbon was a good way to make sure he didn’t back out. It had been hard enough to approach Ozzy for a talk earlier.Havingthat talk…well, he picked the bar as a location for a reason, and it wasn’t the ambiance.
Knowing he was early and convincing himself that it was fine and Ozzy wasn’t bailing on him were two entirely different things. He sipped at his cheap-ass beer and tried not to focus too much on the empty chair across from him. But focus he did, his attention always returning to the emptiness and the lackof companionship and the gnawingworrythat, when the clock ticked over to six, he would still be left alone.
He was so in his own head and up his own ass, he almost missed when Ozzy walked through the door and looked around. The tension around Evander’s belly loosened…then reappeared. Ozzy had shown, wearing a red polo shirt and a pair of dark jeans, but that meant they really did have to have this talk.
Andthatmeant Ozzy could say no and toss him aside after Ev opened up to him.
After a couple seconds, Ozzy locked eyes on him and the corners of his mouth turned up into a smile. A tight smile. A fake smile that didn’t dance up into his eyes at all. His walk over betrayed all the nerves and uncertainty just as much, his hips stiff and his back entirely too straight. He looked less like a guy heading over to his boyfriend and a lot more like a guy heading to a morgue to try and identify his dead dad or some shit.
Evander’s stomach flash froze, but before he could sink too far into the panic, Ozzy pulled out the chair across from him. The quiet was only a couple seconds, but it stretched deep and harsh before he finally said anything. “Hope you weren’t waiting too long.”
Ev shook his head. “I said six. Still got a couple minutes before you’d even be late. Ozzy.”
The smile he got that time was much more sincere, if small. “Ozzy, huh? Pulling out all the stops.”
“It was pointed out that…well, screw that. It wasn’t cool for me to keep using a name you hate.”
“Hate’s a strong word.” Ozzy drummed his fingers on the tabletop a couple times. “But I appreciate it. I’ve been trying to shake off that stupid name forever.”
Evander forced his face to stay even and expressionless, even as he cringed inside. Of course it was wrong to call someone by a name they didn’t like. Why he hadn’t been able to pull his headout of his own ass long enough to see that, Ev couldn’t say. “Well, if I slip up, smack me.”
“Right. What we need in this relationship is an invitation to get into a fist fight.”
“Cat fight, if we’re just slapping, right?”
“Because we’resoknown for our collective restraint.” He locked his eyes on Evander, and the depth in them, the chasms of blue that Ev could easily fall into…breathtaking. Literally. Evander had to make himself take conscious breaths as too many familiar feelings and memories washed through him. Not aided at all as Ozzy kept talking. “I’m never going to hit you.”
“Oh, no. I wasn’t implying—”
“I know. But let’s not even joke about it. I’m not here for that.”
Evander nodded. “Then…what are you here for?” Better to rip through it instead of lingering and dawdling. “Not to put too fine a point on it. Just…well, I think we both know what I was looking to talk about.”
