No, this is about me.
A long-suffering sigh parts my lips. “Look, despite my little…mishap last week, I am not interested in him, if that’s what you’re both so worried about. And trust me, he isnotinterested in me. This is Damian we’re talking about. He wants a girlfriend as much as I want…I don’t know, genital warts.”
“Sleep with him again and you may just get some,” Ronnie mutters.
I glare at her. “I’m not going to sleep with him again.” Frankly, I am mortified that my friends think so little of my self-control. I might be impulsive, but I’m certainly not incapable of keeping my vagina to myself.
Ronnie’s mouth presses into a line. “Mm-hmm.”
“I’m not! Hey, what’s that look?” I snap at Andie, whose lips are peeled back in her best impersonation of a set of wind-up teeth.
She holds up her hands. “We love you, Lex, but you’re two for two.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning, you’ve hung out alone with Damian twice, and both times, you’ve jumped straight on that dick, girl. This arrangement you have…it’s tempting fate.”
I grimace. “Oh, not you, too. I get enough of this destiny mumbo jumbo from that one.” I thrust my thumb toward Ronnie, who leans forward and flicks me on the head with her finger.
“Don’t sass the universe, dummy. It’slistening.”
“Jesus Christ, you two are making me need a drink more than this whole thing with Damian. Who, speaking of, I have been alone withthreetimes now, not two as you incorrectly stated. Those bullshit tutoring sessions at the start of the year don’t count as there were witnesses present, which leaves us with once in the library when we…you know…once last week, and then today at the park. And guess what? I managed to escape said park without his dick entering any of my orifices. So, no, contrary to what you believe, I amnotgoing to fuck him again.” Throwing my head back, I down my Gin Eyre in one go, and then slam the glass down on the table, wiping my lips with the back of my hand. “Like I said, this is all purely transactional.”
“I’m sure Julia Roberts thought the same thing,” Andie retorts.
Ronnie blinks large, owlish eyes at her cousin whereas I opt for a much more intelligible, “Huh?”
Andie glances between us, aghast. “Pretty Woman? God, you guys need an education in movies.”
I suck in a breath, wincing at the sudden throbbing pain in my temples. These two are beginning to give me a migraine.
“Andie,” I begin, pinching the bridge of my nose, “I say this as a fellow nerd, but I absolutelycannotwith your random eighties references at the moment.”
Ronnie makes a littlehmphsound that has me turning on her next.
“Is there something you’d like to add?”
She crosses her arms. “Only that Andie’s right. You become chemically imbalanced around that twatweasel, and it’sbecauseyou hate him that we know you’ll fuck him again.”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
She scoffs. “Sure, it does. They call it hate sex for a reason. All that anger and loathing you feel toward him has to go somewhere.”
I don’t bother dignifying that with a response. Mainly because I don’t want to give her the satisfaction or opportunity to tell me I “doth protest too much,” but also because I can’t be one hundred percent certain that she isn’t right.
I fucking detest Damian Navarro…but goddamn, if that boy isn’t fire in bed.
God, I really,reallyhate my vagina’s taste in men.
“Also,” Andie chimes in again, “if you’re serious about this, and you guys plan to sell the illusion of you as a couple, that will mean abstaining from sex with other people because there is no way to keep that shit quiet in a college that gossips as much as ours. And if you aren’t having sex with each other…” She does that annoying elaborate shrug people do when they think they’ve made their point. “I’m just saying, nine months is a long time. One of you is going to crack.”
“The question is: which one of you will it be?” Ronnie asks.
Frowning, I sink down into the booth cushions, sulking. “I really don’t like when you two gang up on me.”
Ronnie grabs me by the shoulder and gives me a commiserate shake. “Sorry, fam. Just speaking the truth.”
Camarón que se duerme, se lo lleva la corriente - The shrimp that falls asleep is swept away by the current
