I love you, D. Forever. I’ll be home as soon as I can.
With the words firmly in my mind, I throw back the blankets and push myself out of bed. It’s time to start the day—judging by the sound of a little boy talking to himself in his bedroom.
Ashton’s good mood lasts until he realizes Holden is gone. He’s sullen and angry and misbehaving all day long; Tara sends me home with him when he throws a toy truck at another kid’s head. I try to cheer him up, but not even the promise of ice cream and cuddles works. So I heft him into the bathtub in hopes the bubbles will do the job.
They do. Somewhat.
“I miss Daddy,” he announces, splaying his fingers in the air in front of him before dropping his hands into the bubble-filled water.
“I know, baby. I miss him, too. But he’ll be back before you know it.”
He nods and yanks his boat out of the basket hanging on the wall. I sit back on my heels to watch him play, and I wonder how I ever got so lucky.
“You Mama?”
I still instantly at the small voice, the question asked with such innocence, and Ashton stares up at me. What can I say? I’d meant what I told Holden: I saw what pregnancy did to Katie’s mind and body, and I couldn’t see myself going through something like that. But…
The bubbles that dangle from his chin, the bright blue eyes, the scrunched-eyed grin he gives her… How could I ever have thought I was nothing more than his guardian, when he’s been the perfect son I never knew I wanted?
“Do you think I am?” I ask instead of bursting into tears, though it’s a close call.
Ashton wiggles his fingers and gives a solemn nod. A tear slips free despite my best efforts. Leaning over, I brush a bubble from his cheek and smile.
“Then yeah, I’m Mama.”
Right Where I Belong
Thehouseisfullof sound, a dozen people laughing and talking above background music and children shrieking. I weave my way through the guests gathered, a tray of hors d’oeuvres held aloft with both hands, until I reach the table set up along the wall. I set the mini quiches on the table between the charcuterie board and platter of veggies and dip.
“Don’t you dare!” I smack at my father’s hand, smiling despite myself. “You know damn well your grandson will throw a fit if you get any part of his cake before he does.”
He rolls his eyes but dutifully pulls his hand back from the enormous sheet-cake. “So how’s things with your boyfriend?” he asks, and I sigh.
“Mama told you, too.”
It isn’t even a question, and my dad doesn’t need to answer—the quick flicker of contrition across his face is answer enough. Though it’s been months since I left for Austin, my dad hasn’t brought up the subject, nor has he implied he knows about it. But of course he knows. I’m not angry Mama told him, though. He deserves to know about my life. I just wish I’d been the one to tell any of my parents.
“We’re great, Dad. We’ve both learned to communicate better. That way, our frustrations don’t fester into resentment.”
“I’m proud of you, sweetie.”
“Thanks, Daddy.” I lean into his side, letting him drape his arm over my shoulders as he has always done. “I’m pretty proud of myself, too.”
Holden catches my eye from across the room, where he’s talking to his father and our friends, and a slow smile lights up his face. Something in my soul settles, though my heart starts to race, and all I want to do is be with him for the rest of our lives. He’s been gone for two months, and now he’s home again. He’s mine.
My dad chuckles and pushes gently at my shoulder, but my trek to Holden’s side is interrupted by my moms and Lisa entering the living room.
“Dinnertime,” Mama calls.
As one, the adults move toward the kitchen. Everyone but Samantha and me. We gather up the two children who are still running around the house. The boys pout as their fun comes to an end, but they accept the inevitable. Ashton lets me put him in his booster seat without fuss, and I kiss his forehead before walking away to fill a plate for him.
Dinner is a mess. Henry and Ashton spend most of the time playing with their vegetables and eating ketchup by itself, and conversations come from all directions. I stay quiet and watch everyone, the people I love and would willingly lay my life on the line for.
I never expected this that day when Holden first sat my table in Rise & Grind. Phil and Samantha, Cheryl, Eddie, John and Evelyn, little Henry, Holden’s parents… They all came with Holden, and they’ve all lit up my life in some way or another. As much as I love Holden for who he is, I also love what he’s brought to me. New family.
After the plates are cleared away, my mom carries the cake to the table. Ashton’s eyes grow wide when he sees the enormous, fluorescent orange stegosaurus and equally bright brachiosaurus on top. I stand behind his chair, one hand on his thin shoulder and my other entwined with Holden’s. My nephew—my son—nearly hyperventilates in his excitement as we all sing to him.
It takes Holden’s assistance, but the polka-dotted candles are blown out. Three thin wisps of smoke take the place of the flames, and I help pass out the slices of cake with Mama. I’ve just handed Cheryl a plate when a warm hand latches onto my bicep. She grins and shakes her head as I’m pulled around.
