My heart shatters at the toddler’s words. I close my eyes against the burning, but I can’t un-see the pain on Ashton’s face. I’d known he was sad about leaving Holden behind, but I hadn’t realized the hurt, the fears of abandonment, ran so deep. I should have known.
Warm fingers wrap around mine, squeezing gently, then Holden speaks. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. I’m gonna be right here with you always, okay?”
“Trust,” Ashton whispers after a long pause, the longest pause of my life.
“Trust, forever and ever.”
Though none of us sleep again, Ashton doesn’t try to get out of bed. He stays in place, booping Holden’s nose and ‘singing’ to himself. The seconds tick away until two hours have passed, and Holden promises to be right back and disappears into the bathroom. I pull Ashton closer, murmuring a quiet apology for all the hurt I’ve caused him over the last week.
He doesn’t seem to care; he just pats my cheek and says, “I coffee now?”
I laugh in response then slip out of bed to prepare for the day. I change Ashton’s diaper and clothes before focusing on my own outfit. Holden rejoins us as I’m pulling on a pair of denim shorts, and he takes over readying the diaper bag. We brush their teeth as a group, Holden carefully scrubbing Ashton’s teeth clean, then he reaches for the toddler’s hand. I trail after them, smiling at the sight of the pair walking ahead of her, and lock the door once we’re in the corridor.
The silent drive would be disconcerting if it weren’t for the fact Holden seems just as content with no music to disrupt the serenity that’s settled in all around us. He keeps his hand in mine as I drive, occasionally responding to whatever babbling comes from the backseat, but replies aren’t necessary. Ashton seems content enough to fill the silence by himself.
The coffeeshop stands proudly at the end of a row of shops. Holden slows to a stop, staring at the building, and I frown.
“Is something wrong?”
“No,” he replies. “Just thinking.”
I hesitate but ultimately decide to take him at face-value. I let out a soft laugh and poke his bicep. “Well, stop it. We’ve not even had coffee yet, so it’s far too early for something as annoying asthinking.”
Holden’s lips curve into a sweet smile, and he holds the door open to let Ashton and me enter first. There are only two other customers inside; both are middle-aged men and deeply engrossed in conversation while they wait for their orders. I stifle a giggle when Ashton tugs on my hand, crouching to be on his level.
“Only to the case, okay? Anywhere else, and you go up.”
“No up!”
“Exactly. Go figure out what you want.”
I release his hand, and he immediately surges forward, skirts around the men, beelines for the glass-fronted counter. I sigh and stand upright, resting my head on Holden’s shoulder as we wait. He presses a kiss to my hair, and silently, we watch Ashton examine the pastries on display.
“I love you,” I whisper, the most glorious words I’ve ever spoken in a voice so soft, I wonder if Holden has even heard me.
The way his fingers tighten around mine assures me that he has. It feels right, to say those words here and now. The separation was Hell on Earth, but… I don’t regret it. The distance has opened my eyes—his, too, judging by our conversation. I know without a doubt that Holden is the only one I will ever want so wholly. My leaving was what we needed.
It’s baffling to think that. To know with complete certainty that if we’d never separated, we never would have lasted. Everything had been too perfect, too good, for too long. Now we are past the worst and stronger for it. It has given way to the words I’ve kept hidden from him, though he is the only partner they’ve ever been meant so honestly for.
“I love you,” I murmur again.
Holden huffs out a laugh next to me. “I love you, too. Gonna keep saying it?”
“Only until I’m tired of saying it.”
“And when will that be?”
I meet his eyes, so gray and clear and full of our future. “Probably half past never.”
“I can live with that,” he says before ducking down to kiss me.
As soon as the other men are gone, Luci lets out a loud squeal, rounding the counter. I get very little warning before my friend approaches, wraps me in a tight hug. Luci sways wildly; her voice is a nonstop torrent of sound, and my eyes warm with unshed tears. Her approval means everything.
“You two are okay again? Please tell me you’re okay and moving back to Tennessee because I’ll miss you, but I just want you to be happy, oh, my God, DeeDee!”
“What has Kenny told you about sampling the products, especially in vast quantities?” I laugh as I pulls away. “But yes, we’re going back to Tennessee.”
“Thank fuck. I love seeing your face, but I love seeing your face full of happiness through a video chat more. So what’cha getting today?”
