I know but can’t help worrying anyway. I haven’t even told Holden I love him yet, and if my father scares him off, I’ll never get the chance. That train of thought veers violently off the track and crashes into the Land of Doubts. What does it mean that they’ve been dating for almost a year and I still can’t get the words out, even though I now live with him? Could I really not love him? Is this—
Someone jostles me, brings me back to reality, and I force a smile at Luci. She cocks her head.
“Need a map to get out of that mind of yours?”
“Nope, I’m okay. Just thinking. I, um, I’m gonna go find the other two so we can eat.”
My dad’s voice comes from the doorway. “No need, honey, we’re here.”
I exhale slowly then turn toward my boyfriend. I can’t read the expression on his face, but there isn’t any obvious fear. I take comfort in the possibility that he isn’t going to run screaming for the hills any time soon. He turns on his heel and swings Ashton up as he runs by, all in one smooth motion, and I stare. I will never not be impressed at how effortless Holden makes it look.
Ashton stares down at the plate my mother sets in front of him, face screwing up as he pushes it away. “No.”
“Ash, you gotta eat,” I say gently, nudging the plate back in front of him only for him to shove it away again. I blow out a breath and ignore the multiple sets of eyes on me. “Buddy, come on.”
“No. Ick.”
Holden shifts to face Ashton, ducking his head so they’re on the same level. “What’s ick, Ashton?” The toddler points to the pile of green beans. “Okay, so no green beans. Got it. You want some peas instead?”
“No.”
“Well, sorry, kiddo, but those are your options: green beans or peas. Which is it?”
“Tees,” mutters Ashton; he crosses his arms over his chest and slumps in his seat.
“Unfortunately for you, little trees aren’t an option. Peas or green beans. I have an idea!” Holden says it as if it’s the greatest idea in all of history, and Ashton glances up, reluctantly interested. “How about you take one bite of a green bean for me?”
Ashton takes the vegetable and stares at it. At Holden’s steady encouragement, he nibbles the end and then promptly shoves it into his mouth. There is less success with the pea: Ashton blanches, spitting it out onto the table. Holden nods slowly as if he expected it.
“Green beans then?”
“Yes.”
Crisis averted, Holden turns back to his plate of food, and conversations start up again. I can’t keep my eyes off him. He managed to convince a two year old to eat with minimal fuss. Even I struggle to get Ashton to eat when he doesn’t want to.
Mom elbows me gently, gaze darting between Holden and me, and her chin dips once. I take it as the approval it is and look back at Holden in time to see him carefully pushing Ashton’s hand away from his plate. From the corner of my eye, I see my mother’s smile soften, and I wonder what she reads in my face.
Though the plates are empty, no one but the children move from their seats. I watch as Henry chases Ashton who in turn chases Henry once more, a small smile playing on my lips at the sight. I listen with one ear to the others talking; Holden and my dad talk about the places they’ve seen in their travels, while Luci trades makeup tips with Cheryl. Whatever Samantha and Eddie are saying is buried under the din of the other conversations.
Tristan smacks my hand when I begin gathering the dirty plates. “Sit down, birthday bitch.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” I protest with a laugh, stilling when my mother pulls on my arm.
“Let the men do the hard work, honey.” She gestures toward the backyard. “Walk with me?”
I nod and round the table to loop my arms around Holden’s neck, drape myself along his back. His hand comes up and rests on mine, and he turns his head to accept the kiss I leave on his lips. I can feel his gaze on me as I walk away; Ashton and Henry hold tightly to our hands, and we make our way down the stairs. As soon as their feet touch the grass, the children take off.
“He’s amazing,” Mom murmurs once we’ve gotten a few feet from the deck. “I always imagined you’d fall for someone great, but he surpasses even my expectations.”
“He really is. I can’t believe he fell for me.”
“Dealla Taylor, you—”
“No, lemme explain. Like, when he and I met, I was just some random stranger in a coffeeshop who he sat with because I was at the only table with a spare seat. I was nothing more than a journalism student who had no time for anything because of school and helping raise a toddler. Mom, I told him about Ash withinhoursof us meeting. That alone should have sent him running. But… But now it’s been a year, and he’s still here.”
“Well, you deserve to be happy. And I’m so thankful that he makes you happy. Your dad approves of him, too,” she whispers conspiratorially, and I let out a quiet laugh amid the relief, the worries melting away.
We don’t say anything more, instead moving to chase the children around the yard. Luci joins only moments later. I glance up at the deck, at the figure standing by the railing, and Holden raises a hand in greeting. His smile paints his lips with a sweet tenderness, achingly soft. My heart pounds in my chest, a steadyI love this man I love this man I love this manin each beat.
