I hesitate. Am I sure? IsHolden? Before doubts can creep in, I remind myself of how ecstatic he was to hear my acceptance. How everyone had cheered and celebrated and congratulated us. How happy he’s made me since the day they met. It’s answer enough.
“Absolutely without a doubt.”
The call ends only moments later; my parents had given their approval, though my mothers voiced concerns about me driving the entire way. But they’d all three told me to do what fills my life with joy and peace. And living with Holden…
Just the thought is enough to inject calm through me, despite the nerves.
It’s real now, though. My family and best friends know I’m moving, and I have already requested a leave of absence from school. I can’t back out. Not without looking like a fool. Not without an onslaught of questions that I couldn’t answer.
Thankfully, Ashton doesn’t understand the change that’s coming: He doesn’t know that the apartment is home no more. He doesn’t know to ask when we’re leaving, when we’ll be in Tennessee, when everything will be different.
The day of the move comes too soon. The moon still hangs in the sky, speckles of starlight surrounding the sliver, when I slide out of bed. I tiptoe from the room and stride with bare feet to the kitchen. The French press is right where I left it in the cupboard beside the refrigerator, and I pull it down. Refilling the kettle with water from the sink’s tap, I set it on its burner to boil.
A soft knock comes from the door, and I frown. It’s too early for visitors. I finish adding grounds to the press then make my way to the front door, weaving through the boxes littering the short hallway.
Luci holds up a box of pastries from the coffeeshop and a shopping bag full of snacks. “I brought reinforcements.”
“I didn’t even think of snacks for the road,” I admit with a groan. “You’re a lifesaver.”
“Of course I am. Tristan’s on his way, too. There’s construction on the highway.”
I nod and head back to the kitchen. The aroma of sugar and carbs fills the air when I flip back the lid to the box. Grabbing an apple danish, I bite off a large chunk and all but moans at the sweet-tart coating my tongue. Luci takes over making the coffee while I eat another danish then a carrot-cake muffin.
Tristan arrives with little fanfare, just barrels into the apartment without knocking. His arms immediately wrap around me, and he buries his face in my hair. I squeeze my eyes closed and breathe in the scent I won’t smell for a long time.
We work to carry the boxes to my SUV, never leaving Ashton alone in the apartment by one staying behind while the other two work. When we’ve finished, I go into my bedroom to wake him. He fusses until I ask if he’s ready to go bye-bye, then he bounces on his bed while I struggle to unzip his pajamas. He at least lies still so I can change his diaper.
As Tristan leads Luci and Ashton out of the apartment, I hesitate in the doorway to stare around at the home I’d made in the one-bedroom flat. I’ve locked all windows and the balcony door, shades drawn tight over the glass. All the appliances and electronics are unplugged. Everything looks the same, but it feels so much more different, knowing I won’t come back.
Shaking off the thoughts, I grab my purse and keys, and step out into the hall. The lock slides into place with a resounding click that echoes with finality.
“I guess this is it,” Luci says quietly as she and Tristan stand by the driver’s side of the car.
I nod slowly, my hands tightening around the steering wheel. My eyes burn, but I don’t let the tears fall. I have to be strong. This goodbye isn’t forever. Just... for a while. Too long, I think.
“Love you guys,” I choke out, a single tear slipping down my cheek at the sight of my best friends crying.
“Love you, too, Deals.” Tristan coughs, looks away, blinks rapidly. When he looks back at me, his eyes swim in his tears, and his lips tremble. “Keep us updated, please.”
“Of course.”
My friends don’t move as I reverse out of the parking spot, and I wave one last time before driving away. Ashton chatters happily in the backseat, but I can hardly breathe. I’d known it would be difficult to leave my friends, my apartment, my city, my home. I hadn’t known just how hard it would be. How painful.
The GPS announces the first turn, and I blow out a slow breath before following the directions.
The drive goes as smoothly as it can with a toddler. He stops being so easygoing around the seven-hour mark, and I wince at the sharp screeches coming from behind me. Though I’ve made sure to stop every so often to feed him and let him run around in the grass by whatever fast food joint or gas station I come to, I know Ashton is bored and ready to be out of the car. So am I.
To my immense relief, Ashton dozes off after another hour of his tantrum. This leaves me with only the radio for company, and I force myself to relax into my seat. Another five hours stretch out before me, each second and each spin of the tires bringing me closer to Holden. My present. My future.
By the time I pull into the drive, Ashton has woken up for dinner, and his reflection in the mirror happily munches on chicken nuggets. I push open the door and step out into the blustering wind, shivering when icy rain hits my cheeks. Ashton grins at me through the window, and I brush my hair from my face with one hand as I pull on the handle with the other. Wrapping my arms securely around him, I use my hip to shut the doors then hurry up the walk to the front door.
The door that’s already open with my boyfriend waiting.
Holden steps to the side so I can pass, and I breathe out a ‘Thanks’ while lowering Ashton to the floor. His cheeks are already pink, but his eyes are bright. He squeals and drops the nugget in his hand, and Holden laughs before swooping the toddler into his arms.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asks when I open the door again.
“Getting our stuff.”
