Ashton is asleep before I even reach the nearest drive-thru. I set the bag of food on the passenger seat and sigh heavily. Scrubbing a hand over my eyes, I point my wheels toward home and curse Katie for ever existing. For ever putting herself before Ashton. For ever hurting the child the way she has—and is.
Ashton wakes as I carry him into my apartment, stays half-alert long enough to eat two chicken nuggets and endure a quick bath, and falls asleep as soon as I tuck him into bed. I press a gentle kiss to his forehead, but he doesn’t stir. I watch him for a moment longer then tiptoe from the room.
A low buzz comes from my purse, and I dig through the bag until I find my phone. I want to ignore the notifications, want to ignore the world, but I’d promised to let Holden know when I got home. His five messages change in tone, from questioning to worried to demanding some sort of response before he gets on a flight to Austin.
Dealla
Landed. Home. Stopped and got Ashton.
Holden
Glad to hear you made it.
Is everything okay? You don’t sound like yourself.
Instead of texting, I blow out a breath and tap the icon to start a video call. Holden answers before the second ring, and his smile disappears in an instant. I don’t let him speak—my voice trembles as I explain what happened. I perch on a stool and press a palm against my eyes. A tear slips free, and I sniffle.
“What are you going to do?” Holden asks once I’ve fallen silent.
I shrug, avoiding his gaze. “I’m gonna call child welfare services tomorrow. Katie endangered his life for the last time. I can’t let it go anymore. I can’t always be the one to fix whenever she screws up. What happens the next time she does this and I’m not there to save him? Fuck, Holden, what if something had happened while I was gone?” I wipe my cheeks dry and exhale sharply. “I can’t lose him because she’s a horrible mother. If it means I don’t ever get to see him again… Calling will be worth it if he’s safe from her.”
“I think that’s the right decision.”
“God, Holden, why the fuck can’t she get her act together?” bubbles out of me, and Holden’s face twists up in his sympathy.
“I don’t know, sweetheart. I wish I did, but I don’t.”
“I better go. I need to be with him right now.”
“I get that. Will you be alright?”
“Yeah. Fine.”
I mumble out a goodbye before ending the call. Ashton doesn’t wake when I carry him from his bed to mine. He only curls against me in his sleep, and I gaze at his relaxed face in the soft white coming from the nightlight. Not for the first time, I wonder how Katie can be so selfish when she has someone so amazing depending on her.
Calling the authorities in the morning damn near shatters me to pieces, but I do it anyway. The social worker on the other end takes the report, doesn’t make any promises, just thanks me for the information. The line beeps in my ear, and I pull my phone away to see they have hung up.
Katie doesn’t call, text, or come for her son over the next week. Instead, I juggle school with taking care of him, struggling to calm him during his tantrums and soothing him through his nightmares. Tristan and Luci help as much as they can by alternating who watches him while I’m in class. When they can’t, I allow Luci’s cousin Allie to take care of him. I know I can never thank them enough for all they do in my life, but I try. I buy them candies and coffees, books and small tokens of appreciation that make me think of them.
My days start too early and nights end too late. I wish I could talk to Holden, to have real conversations with him again, but I have no time. No energy. So I make do with quick texts in the morning, sporadically throughout the day, and before I fall asleep.
The beginning of September arrives in a flurry of heat, humidity, and more heat. I don’t trust myself to drive to the coffeeshop, having been woken at three by Ashton whining to crawl into bed with me, so I text Luci with a request for a mocha with extra espresso and extra whipped cream. I grab the box of frozen waffles from the freezer, popping two into the toaster, and wait for them to finish heating. Ashton smiles brightly when I put a plate on his highchair only moments later, and he stuffs the first chunk into his mouth.
A knock echoes through the apartment within the hour, and I pull open the door sharply. Luci passes over the iced coffee with a grimace, complaining that it’s bitter. I only roll my eyes and suck up a mouthful of chocolate-flavored coffee. It is more bitter than usual, but I need the caffeine, so I don’t complain.
“Ooh, you’ve got a text,” Luci announces before tossing my phone in my direction. “Lemme guess, it’s the cutie?”
“Okay, first, you know you looked at the screen and saw it was from Holden. You also know damn well he’s beyond ‘the cutie’.”
“I do, yes. God, you’re disgustingly in lust, aren’t you?”
“Why are you even still here? I only needed extra caffeine, not you, too.”
“Because you love my face.” Luci scrunches her nose, sticking her pierced tongue out, then her expression grows serious. “But for real, I’m happy you two made this a thing. You deserve bright skies and sparkles, not the doom and gloom you were trudging through.”
“It wasn’t gloom, Luce. It was… routine.”
“Well, now you’ve got that cutie there and this cutie here,” she says with a gesture toward Ashton. “So yay, happiness!”
