I want to stop it, want to not be so eager to talk to Holden.
I want to go back and not sleep with him.
I can’t say I regret it.
As soon as Ashton is distracted with food and Holden has promised to keep an eye on him, I disappear into the bathroom. It takes little time to do my business and wash my hands, but I take extra care with brushing my teeth. It would be just my luck that Holden would try to kiss me only to turn away because of bad breath or something. My reflection stares back at me when I lift my head. My dark eyes are bright, shining above rosy cheekbones. A smile twitches at my lips. I let out a slow breath then turn to the door.
“Holy shit!” I all but shout when I pull the door open.
Holden smirks, a sharp-edged sword of a smile, and I barely get a breath into my lungs when he pushes forward. He pins my body between the counter and his, and I close my eyes as he captures my mouth. He tastes like coffee on my tongue. My arms wrap around his neck without hesitation, pulling him closer. Pain from the counter digging into my back slithers up my spine, but I don’t care. I just leap into the heady feeling consuming me.
Holden pulls away much too soon for my liking, and I pout up at him even as I struggle to catch my breath. He grins cheekily, pushes a lock of hair from my face.
“Morning, sweetheart.”
“You aresomaking this up to me,” I mutter while he walks away.
Thankfully, I regain control of myself quickly. My breathing steadies, my heartbeat slows. Even my stride is unwavering as I make my way to the kitchen where Ashton sits so unaware of everything around him. Holden winks when I stop by the sink. All I can do is stick my tongue out at him while I wet a washcloth. Ashton holds up his oatmeal-covered hands with a smile, and I hurriedly wipe him clean. Blowing a raspberry on his cheek brings forth a giggle that I love so much. Once he’s on his feet, he heads to the toy bin. I watch him go and wonder, not for the first time, how the hell Katie can not see the amazing blessing she has in her life.
Holden remains on the sofa four hours later while I put Ashton in bed. I tuck the purple lion under Ashton’s arm, kiss his forehead, and run a hand over his hair. His eyes flutter closed after less than a minute, and I smile down at his sleeping form before sneaking out of the room. Stopping in the doorway, I watch the man sitting on my couch. His thumb taps the screen of his phone, his brows furrowed at whatever he sees.
I’ve found being with him as easy as breathing. His kisses are intoxicating. The feelings I’ve developed—the ones that should never exist—have only grown stronger; this fact bothers me but not enough for me to change it. Yet. He’s amazing, he makes me laugh so easily, and—not most importantly but still damn high up there—I want him physically to a depth I haven’t wanted another person for the last two years. I’ll put a stop to it all soon enough. I just want to enjoy this for the moment.
I stride across the room to plop down beside him, and he lets out a soft laugh before opening his arms for me. I shift closer and tilt my head up. Holden obliges without hesitation, and I fall headfirst into the dizzying spin of emotions that surge through me with the first touch of his lips to mine. I wiggle until I can drag my fingers across his abdomen. He gasps into my mouth when my hand slips below the waistband of his sweats, his briefs, and his hips jerk upward. I chuckle, swallowing down his moan. His head falls back against the couch with a quiet thump, and I take the chance to watch his face. His lashes spread like black wings over flushed cheeks, and his jaw tics as he exhales sharply through his nose.
I lean forward to nip at the tendon in his neck as he sucks his bottom lip between his teeth; my hand never stops its ministrations, my thumb finding and smearing the precum beading at the head of his cock. His pulse races under my mouth as I suck a bruise into the skin.
“You’re beautiful like this,” I whisper into his ear, nipping at the lobe.
That’s all it takes. His release spills over my loose fist, and I work him through it. My brain whispers as I watch the flicker of Holden’s expression as he shifts through emotions, but I ignore the voice saying that whatever I’m feeling for him…
It’s too close to the stirrings of love.
Changing Dynamics
Aknockonthedoor cuts through the quiet chatter, and I check the time on my phone. It’s after ten at night, too late for anybody to just drop by uninvited. Not even Luci or Tristan come over this late. Besides, the people I’ve allowed over are already sitting on my couch and floor. I set my pen down, excuse myself from the group of people who’d come to play board games, and make my way to the door. Shane calls out a request for another drink. I ignore him in favor of peeking through the peephole.
“Hey,” I say as soon as the door is open. “What are you doing here? I didn’t know you were still in town.”
Holden smiles and takes a wobbly step forward, stumbling then leaning against the doorframe. He waves off my efforts to straighten him. “Sorry. I’m fine, just…”
“Drunk,” I supply flatly.
I glance over my shoulder, but my classmates—my friends—still talk amongst themselves with no care about who’s come to visit. With a sigh, I turn to Holden and step back. He walks unsteadily into the apartment; my hands instantly come up to stabilize him, and I guide him through one door of the bathroom, through the other, and into my bedroom. He lets me push him until he sits on the bed, and we stare at each other.
I knew he likes to drink occasionally. Never anything to worry about, he’d assured me. But never once has he come over like this. He’s never even talked to me on the phone while drunk like this. I don’t know how I feel about his surprise appearance tonight.
Unfortunately, I don’t have time to dwell on it, not with the way he sways on the end of my mattress. I help him lie down and blow out a breath. Crouching, I untie his sneakers and toss them behind me, listening to the quiet thump as they hit the wall. Holden’s eyes are closed by the time I stand up; I wonder if he’s fallen asleep until he grins sloppily.
“Stay here,” I order in the voice I use to redirect Ashton from doing something he shouldn’t be doing. Holden’s nod is off-kilter, uncoordinated. I groan and leave the bedroom, pulling the door closed behind me. “Hey, guys, I hate to do this, but something’s come up. Gotta cut the night short.”
“Everything okay?” Megan asks even as she rises smoothly to her feet.
“Yeah, it’s fine. It’s just something unavoidable.”
Brian smiles, slaps his hand against his knee. “Alright. We can reschedule game night in the morning.”
I walk my friends to the door, smiling and bidding them goodnight, then I push the door shut. The lock scrapes in its track as I slide it into place, and I rub tiredly at my eyes. Turning off the lights in the living room, I make my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth.
