She felt something move inside her heart and was afraid to believe it was healing. “I’d rather clear the air. I was too angry to do it before. He came by to tell me that Gabrielle was expecting. He was like a little boy at Christmas, and he wanted to share his good news with a friend. And to ask me if I’d be godmother—even though it’s seven and a half months down the road.”
He lowered his brow to hers. “You should have slugged me, McNee.” When he moved his mouth toward hers, he felt her retreat. Patiently he stroked his thumbs over her temples. “Just once,” he murmured and tasted her lips.
He didn’t mean to deepen the kiss, didn’t mean to crush her against him and hold her so tightly neither of them could breathe. But he couldn’t stop himself until he felt her body shake with a fresh bout of tears.
“Don’t. Please don’t.” He pressed his face into her hair and rocked her. “I’ll break apart.”
Turning her face into his shoulder, she fought back the worst of the tears. “I didn’t want you to come back. I didn’t want to feel this again.”
He deserved that, he thought as he squeezed his eyes tight. “You were right to send me away. I want a chance to prove to you that you’re right to let me back in.” He brushed a hand through her hair. “You’re so good at listening, Bess. I have to ask you to listen to me now.”
“You don’t need to apologize again.” She could do nothing but love him, she realized, and, drawing back, she managed a smile. “And I can’t let you back in, because you were always here.”
Her words brought a pressure to his chest. He pressed their joined hands against it to try to ease it away. “Just that easy?”
“It’s not easy.” She supposed it would never be easy. “It’s just the way it is.”
“Mikhail said I would grovel,” he murmured. “Bess, you humble me.”
“Let’s put it behind us.” She drew a deep breath, then kissed both his cheeks as a sign of peace. “I’m good at fresh starts.”
“No.” Taking her hand, he pulled her to the couch. “I like our other start. We don’t need a new one, only to play this one out. Sit.” He pulled her down with him, keeping her hand close to his heart. “You explained, now I will. I was afraid to believe in you. No woman has ever meant what you mean, and I let myself imagine that you’d be with me forever. Just as I let myself imagine that you’d turn away. And because I was more afraid of the second, it seemed more real.”
“It’s hard to be afraid.” She turned her cheek to his hand. “I know.”
“You don’t know all.” He glanced away, toward the flowers subtly scenting the room. “You kept the lilacs.”
“I tried not to.” She smiled again. “But they were so beautiful.”
“I brought you something besides lilacs that day.” He reached into his pocket and drew out the box. Her hand went limp in his. He watched her lips tremble apart. “I don’t think it’s ostentatious.” When she only continued to stare, he shifted. “That was a joke.”
“Okay.” The two syllables came out in a whisper. “Are you—are you going to let me see it?”
For an answer, he opened the box himself. Inside was a gold band set with a rainbow of gems. He knew what they were only because he’d asked the jeweler to identify each of them. The amethyst, the peridot, the blue topaz, the citrine.
“I know it’s not traditional,” he said when she remained silent. “But it reminded me of you, and I wanted—hell, I wanted something no one else would have thought to give you.”
“No one has,” she managed, barely breathing. “No one would.”
“If you don’t like it, we can look for something else.”
She was afraid she would cry again and knew it would do neither of them any good. “It’s lovely. Beautiful.” She managed to tear her gaze from it. “You bought me this before? You had it with you the other night? You were going to give it to me, then you walked in and saw me with Charlie.” Laughing, she lifted a hand to her cheek. “I’m surprised you didn’t gun us both down. I couldn’t have written it better myself.”
“Then you forgive me?”
She already had, but since he was looking so nervous, she nodded. “Anyone with such good taste deserves a second chance.”
“I bought this days ago, but it took me a while to work up the nerve. Facing a junkie with an Uzi seemed easier.” But he was into it now, and he was going to finish. “My idea was to pressure you to accept it, then push for a quick wedding so you wouldn’t change your mind. But that was wrong.” He closed the box, and was encouraged by Bess’s quick gasp of dismay. “It was stupid, and it showed a lack of faith in both of us. I’m sorry.”
“I—You—” She let out a frustrated breath. “I don’t mind.”
“Of course you do,” he said. “It was calculating, even devious, when a proposal of marriage should be romantic. So, when we’re both ready, I’ll ask you properly.”
Her face fell. “When we’re both ready?”
“I don’t want to push you when you might be feeling a little vulnerable. Especially since a long engagement is out. So I’ll give you time.”
“Time,” she echoed, ready to scream.
