She took one shaky breath, then nodded. “She’s... so young.” With an effort, she swallowed the sickness that kept threatening to rise in her throat. “I’m all right. Don’t worry about me. I’m all right,” she repeated, then turned away to go downstairs.
“She shouldn’t have seen this,” Judd said. His own stomach was quivering.
“Nobody should see this.” Banking down on every emotion, Alex closed the door at his back.
She stuck it out, refusing to budge when Judd came down to drive her home. After finding an old chair, she settled into a corner while the business of death went on around her. From her vantage point, she watched them come and go—forensics, the police photographer, the morgue.
Detached, she studied the people who crowded in, asking questions, making comments, being shuffled out again by blank-faced cops.
There was grief in her for a girl she hadn’t known, a fury at the waste of a life. But she remained. Not because of the job. Because of Alex.
He was angry with her. She understood it, and didn’t question it. When they were finished at the scene, she rode in silence in the back of the car. Back at the station, she took the same chair she’d had that morning.
Hours went by, endlessly long. At one point she slipped out and bought Alex and Judd sandwiches from a deli. After a time, he went into another room. She followed, still silent, noted a board with pictures tacked to it. Horrible pictures.
She looked away from them, took a chair and listened while Alex and other detectives discussed the latest murder and the ongoing investigation.
Later, she rode with him back to the pawnshop. Waited patiently while he questioned Boomer again. Waited longer while he and Judd returned to the motel to reinterview the clerk, the tenants.
Like them, she learned little about Crystal LaRue. Her name had been Kathy Segal, and she’d once lived in Wisconsin. It had been hard, terribly hard, for Bess to listen when Alex tracked down and notified her parents. Hard, too, to understand from Alex’s end of the conversation that they didn’t care. For them, their daughter had already been dead.
She’d been nobody’s girl. She’d worked the streets on her own. Two months after she moved into the tiny little room with the sagging mattress, she had died there. No one had known her. No one had wanted to know her.
No one had cared.
Alex couldn’t talk to Bess. It was impossible for him. Intolerable. He shared this part of his life with no one who mattered to him. It was true that his sister Rachel saw some of it as a public defender but as far as Alex was concerned that was too much. Perhaps that was why he kept all the pieces he could away from the rest of his family and loved ones.
He hated remembering the look on Bess’s face as she’d stood in that doorway. There should have been a way to protect her from that, to shield her from her own stubbornness.
But he hadn’t protected her, he hadn’t shielded her, though that was precisely what he had sworn to do for people he’d never met from the first day he’d worn a badge. Yet for her, for the woman he was—God, yes, the woman he was in love with—he’d opened the door himself and let her in.
So he didn’t talk to her, not even when it was time to turn it off and go home. And in the silence, his anger built and swelled and clawed at his guts. He found the words when he stepped into her apartment and closed the door.
“Did you get enough?”
Bess was in no mood to fight. Her emotions, always close to the surface, had been wrung dry by what she’d seen and heard that day. She would let him yell, if that was what he needed, but she was tired, she was aching, and her heart went out to him.
“Let me get you a drink,” she said quietly, but he snagged her arm and whirled her back.
“Is it all in your notes?” That cold, terribly controlled fury swiped out at her. “Can you find a way to use it to entertain those millions of daytime viewers?”
“I’m sorry.” It was all she could think of. “Alexi, I’m so sorry.” She took a deep breath. “I want a brandy. I’ll get us both one.”
“Fine. A nice, civilized brandy is just what we need.”
She walked away to choose a bottle from an old lacquered cabinet. “I don’t know what you want me to say.” Very carefully, very deliberately, she poured two snifters. “I’ll apologize for choosing today to do this, if that helps. I’ll apologize for making it more difficult for you by being there when this happened.” She brought the snifter to him, but he didn’t take it. “Right now, I’d be willing to say anything you’d like to hear.”
He couldn’t get beyond it, no matter what she said. He couldn’t get beyond knowing he’d opened the door on the kind of horror she’d never be able to forget. “You had no business being there. You had no business seeing any of that.”
With a sigh, she set both snifters aside. Maybe brandy wouldn’t help after all. “You were there. You saw it.”
His eyes flashed white heat. “It’s my damn job.”
“I know.” She lifted a hand to his cheek, soothing. “I know.”
Compelled, he grabbed her wrist, held tight a moment before he turned away. “I don’t want you touched by it. I don’t want you touched by it ever again.”
“I can’t promise that.” Because it was her way, she wrapped her arms around his waist, rested her cheek against his back. He was rigid as steel, unyielding as granite. “Not if you want something between us.”
