Sweet words, wide smiles,
You always said that you’d stay awhile.
Immediately he was back there, watching the blood spurt from Peter’s neck, hearing Joe’s keening howl when he realised Peter was dead.
“Not this one,” he said curtly, changing the track.
“It should preferably be something you don’t have a strong emotional attachment to. Something calm but impersonal,” Two advised, glancing at him curiously. “Clearly, this song is not that. Keep trying, Alex. It might take a while to find the right song.”
Alex scoured the music library every day for the next week, with no success.
“There’s nothing that works for me the wayMoonlight Sonataworks for you,” he said morosely one evening.
“You give up too soon,” Two chided, always a sore point between them.
“It’s late, and I’m hungry,” Alex complained.
“Sometimes youwillbe hungry. Sometimes you will be tired, or in pain – all it takes is one slip, and Mr Tyler will know you’ve been lying to him. You have to learn how to control yourself at all times.”
“Oh, God, I’m starting to wish I’d never told you about Tyler. Just give me a fucking break.” Alex stormed off towards the dining room. It was dinner time, and he needed to get away from Two and his relentless lessons.
Five waved him over when he arrived, and he felt his bad mood dissipating. It was good to chill out and chat with his fellow indies. Who cared if Two disapproved of his emotional dependence on their friendship? Maybe it wasn’t necessary to cut himself off from everyone. Two’s way didn’t have to be his way; he could find a middle path.
D smiled at him fondly as she smuggled him his usual post-dinner treat – this time, two chocolate truffles. Alex smiled back and squeezed her hand as she placed them surreptitiously under his napkin. He didn’t see F looming behind them until it was too late.
“What’s that? What are you giving him?” F yanked the napkin aside to reveal the truffles. “Where did you get these?” he demanded, towering over D.
“The… st-staff room…” she stuttered, shrinking back against the wall.
“Why are you giving the students special food? What else are you doing for him? Are you passing messages to his family? He’s not allowed contact with his family,” F yelled, cornering her against the wall.
“Stop it!” Alex pushed F away and stood in front of D, protecting her. “It’s just some bloody chocolate. Where’s the harm in that?”
“Friendships between staff and students are forbidden – that’s the harm in it,” F retorted. “I’ll report you,” he yelled at her. “You’ll lose your job for this.”
“Don’t be such a fucking bully.” Alex shoved F’s shoulder to force him away from the cowering D.
“Oh, you’ve changed your tune,” F sneered. “You’ve been all ‘yes F, no F’ for weeks, but now we see you’re the same old One underneath, don’t we?”
Alex bit his lip. Over F’s shoulder he could see Two watching the scene. His expression was empty, devoid of opinion, but Alex knew what he was thinking. He could already hear his chiding words in his head, berating him for allowing this situation to get out of hand and ruin weeks of hard work.
Alex tried to collect himself, to calm down and get control of his emotions, but it was too late. The damage had already been done.
“I’m sorry,” Alex whispered to Two later, when they returned to the dorm to get ready for bed.
“Alex…” Two looked tired and defeated. “Everything I’ve done these past few weeks has been to help you. I was upset by your story, and I wanted to do something for you. I couldn’t bear the thought of you returning to your houder unprepared, to suffer at his hands again with no armour, no strategy for coping. But what do I know? You want to do things your way, and maybe you’re right. I’m just a tired old man.”
“Please, don’t give up on me,” Alex begged.
“Why not, when you’ve so obviously given up on yourself?”
“I haven’t. I need you. Please.”
“No,” Two said firmly. “I’m tired, Alex. I’ve done my best by you, but I’m afraid the time has come for me to throw in the towel, as you did earlier. I wish you well, but I can’t do this anymore. It’s over.”
Two climbed into bed, pulled the sheets over his shoulders, and very pointedly turned his back on Alex.
Alex stared at him for a long time, feeling very much alone. He slipped into his own bed, but sleep eluded him. Was Two right? Or could he do it his way and still succeed? He mulled it all over in his head but came to no conclusions.
