Scrambling to his feet, he walked back to the house. He pushed open the gym door and found Two there slowly going through his yoga poses. Two looked up and met his eye. Neither of them spoke. Two finished his practice and then bowed to Alex, hands pressed against his forehead.
“Namaste,” he said softly.
“Namaste.” Catching sight of his reflection in the mirrored wall, Alex gave a resigned smile. “You know, ever since I became Tyler’s IS, I’ve looked in a mirror every day and tried to find some trace of myself. It’s been important to me, a lifeline to hang on to – who I am, knowing I haven’t lost myself, that he hasn’t really broken me.”
Two stood behind him and gazed into the mirror over his shoulder. “And now you must learn to lose yourself,” he said quietly. “To become nothing, invisible, a wraith, keeping your true self so well hidden that Mr Tyler doesn’t doubt for a moment that you are totally his creature.”
“Yes,” Alex said sadly.
“It won’t be easy,” Two warned.
“No, but you have a trick – I saw you do it with F once. You emptied your face when he was bullying you, became completely impassive. I need to learn how to do that.”
“Then I’ll teach you.” Two grasped his shoulders firmly. “I’ve been an IS for most of my life, and I’ve learned many tricks along the way – and you’re going to need all of them if you’re going to convince your houder. You must commit yourself to the process of learning, not just with me, but with B and everyone else here. Make good use of everything Belvedere offers, and when you return to Mr Tyler, you will be unassuming, unthreatening – and unrecognisable.”
From that moment forward, Alex became as assiduous a student as Four, always working hard during lessons with B, and studying any homework she gave them in the rec room after dinner. When he wasn’t learning from B, he was learning from Two. Every day after classes finished and every Sunday morning, he went straight to the gym and met Two for tuition.
“First, you need discipline,” Two instructed. “You’re too used to doing whatever you want, whenever you want. You’re subject to someone else’s timetable now, so find a few moments in every day to centre yourself. I use yoga for that, but you can try meditation, tai chi, or anything that works. Do it whenever you can, whenever you need to, as often as you like. Learn to control your breathing, find a place inside yourself that’s calm and go there. However bad things are around you, that’s your safe space and nobody can take it from you.”
It was harder than it sounded, but Two was an excellent teacher. He was also a hard taskmaster, insisting that Alex begin every session with breath control and meditation. At first, Alex found it difficult to empty his head of everything and be in the moment, but it came more easily with practice.
Next, Two taught him yoga. “It might not work for you, but it’s always worked for me, so let’s try it.” Two guided him through the principles and poses. “I can’t teach you everything in whatever time we have here – you’ll have to continue it by yourself,” he said. “Find other teachers, or a book, or just repeat what I’ve taught you. Lose yourself in the poses, in the breathing. Use the time to remind yourself of your mission, and why you’re enduring your houder’s harsh treatment. If it helps, think of it this way – you arechoosingthat treatment. Every blow, every humiliation, every cruel word – you are choosing to take them because you have a purpose. You could have thrown yourself off that cliff, but youchoseto stay and do this. It’s not being done to you, you’re not powerless, you’ve made a choice.”
Alexdidfind this helpful. It was a new way of looking at his life, and it made a big difference to his mindset.
Every morning, he arose immediately when the klaxon sounded and made his way swiftly to the gym to work out with E.
“Well, you’ve changed your tune,” she said one day, when he asked her to show him how to use one of the exercise machines, so he could work out by himself later.
“I want to learn, and you know how all this stuff works. I want to be healthy and strong,” he told her. “I’m lucky to have this opportunity. Most indies don’t.”
Oddly, she was one of those people who melted when people were nice to them. She became quite chatty, telling him all about her woeful love life, and the squalid house she shared with two families. She had one small, squashed room to herself, and the place was noisy, night and day. “I love coming to work at Belvedere, because I get to enjoy the peace and quiet of this place. I work in other gyms, too, but they pay well here and leave me alone. I don’t find it easy to talk to people…” She paused, flushing. “Except you. You’re easy to talk to.”
He grew to like her after their unpromising start. She had a hard shell but, like so many of the people he’d met as an indie, she’d had a tough life.
“Is everyone like this?” he asked Two later that day. “If you’re nice to them, they’re nice to you?”
Two snorted. “No, but as the saying goes, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Your bad attitude pushed people away before they got to know you, which is a shame, as you’re really not that bad.” He grinned and ruffled Alex’s hair.
“When will you teach me how to do the face trick?” Alex asked.
“When I decide. It’s out of your hands,” Two replied. “Patience is another skill that must be practised if it’s to be mastered.”
Alex made a face and, unexpectedly, Two slapped him.
“What was that for?” he exclaimed, clutching his cheek.
“There can be no public and private Alex,” Two scolded. “There must be only one – the perfect servant. You can’t have friends and confidantes when you go back into Mr Tyler’s service. You can’t allow yourself that degree of intimacy with anyone. You can listen to E, be nice to her, but never, ever let anyone get close. You can never tell anyone your secret. You can’t risk your houder knowing your intent. You must be mentally strong, Alex, to keep this to yourself, to hide yourself.”
“Iamstrong,” Alex responded, remembering what Ted had said when he gave him Solange’s picture. “I’ve lived through so much already and survived. Now I have a good reason to survive. I can do this.”
“Then learn not to make faces, not to react, not to have an opinion on anything – at least not one that anyone can tell. You are the perfect servant. That’s all. There is nothing else going on in here except the desire to please and the wish to serve.” He tapped Alex’s head firmly.
Alex found it hard to school himself not to react – not to pull faces or talk back.
“Learn to be quiet and to listen,” Two advised. “Talk to people about themselves, not you. Change the subject if it becomes too personal. People love talking about themselves, so it shouldn’t be hard.”
Alex found this even more difficult. To be invisible, a silent shadow in the background, handing out drinks or doing household chores.
