“Solange would tell me to go. She always wanted me to escape. She’d hate it if Tyler got me back.”
“Are you saying that this is what you want to do?” Josiah asked. “Be really clear about it, Alex, because once we set it in motion, there’s no turning back. I’ll be a wanted man with no clout in the legal system here. Tylerwillget away with killing Solange.”
Alex’s smile faded. “I want justice for Solange, but if I’m dead by this time tomorrow, where’s the justice in that?”
“I’d still do my best to bring Tyler down, if that happened,” Josiah said, although he could hardly bear to think about it.
“God, Joe – you already feel guilty for Peter’s death. I can’t stand the thought of condemning you to yet more guilt for not being able to prevent mine.”
“Don’t make this decision based on what you think I’m feeling,” Josiah said sharply. “Let it be about you. You’ve denied yourself for long enough.”
Alex nodded. He gazed into space for a long moment, then turned back to Josiah. “Let’s do it. Let’s go. Let’s get as far away from Tyler as we can. Let’s live, Joe. Let’s actuallylive, after all these years of just existing.”
Josiah kissed him again, slowly, deeply. Drawing back, he stood up. “Come on! There’s no time to lose. Let’s pack and get out of here,” he said briskly, hurrying towards the stairs.
“Where will we go?” Alex ran up the stairs after him. “Tonight, I mean?”
“To the coast. I have associates there. Then, tomorrow, we’ll take a boat across the Channel – I have a friend who’ll smuggle us out. The authorities can’t – and don’t – patrol every inch of the crossing. We know the weak spots.”
They ran into the bedroom together.
Josiah found a couple of rucksacks and threw one at Alex. “Just a few basics. We’ll travel light. While you’re packing your clothes, I’ll go and pack us some food.”
“Won’t you need clothes?”
Josiah took his old army pack out from the wardrobe. “I always keep this packed and ready in case the Kathleen Line is discovered.”
“Of course you do.” Alex grinned at him, and Josiah grinned back, feeling suddenly energised. Finally, his life was starting again, after years of grief-numbed stasis. Finally, he wasfeelingagain, and was full of hope, energy, and excitement. He’d been so dour for so long that he’d almost believed that was all he was. Now, he had a purpose, and a chance at happiness, and he was sure they were doing the right thing. He grabbed Alex, pulled him in for another deep, heady kiss, then ran down the stairs with his army rucksack.
He jogged into the kitchen, packed up the most easily transportable food, and then looked around, his mind racing as he tried to think through what they’d need for the next fewdays. It was only then that it struck him what he’d leave behind: Hattie’s collar and leash, pics of Peter, all Peter’s possessions, the life they’d led together… the bloody Jaguar, of all things. They couldn’t take that; it was far too conspicuous. Which meant he’d have to take his Inquisitus duck as far as the garage he kept in Ashford, where he’d lock it up – nobody would find it there for a very long time. He kept a spare duck there, registered in a false name, and fake documents, too – passports and driving licences. He’d have to alter them, so they resembled him and Alex, but he’d done all this hundreds of times before.
What he’d never done before was plan to leave. He’d be running out, leaving Esther to face Tyler’s music alone. He wouldn’t have a chance to say goodbye to anyone, or even to explain himself. Reed, Esther, Mel… even Winston down the gym… he’d miss them all. Hell, he’d even miss Baumann and all her tight-lipped disapproval. He wasn’t just leaving this house behind, he was leaving a job he loved, people he’d worked with for years. And for what? A man he’d known for a week? What madness had come over him? Was he really seizing a chance at happiness, or did he just want to throw his whole sad, miserable life out and set fire to it?
Was this still about Peter, the way everything had been about Peter from the minute they first met? Or, worse, was he unable to live a life of his own, separate from the concerns of the men he loved? He’d thrown in his lot with Peter and the Kathleen Line without a second thought, and now he was abandoning his entire life to run away with Alex. He’d never viewed himself as a particularly rash or impulsive man, but it seemed that where the men he loved were concerned, that was exactly what he was.
Men he loved… There was no point in fighting it. He was head over heels in love with Alex and would do anything to protect him. He sat down with a thump, his heart pounding.
Alex came running down the stairs and stopped as he saw the expression on Josiah’s face.
“Oh. Joe.” He knelt in front of him. “You’re giving up everything for me. You have security, respect, a good job, people who care about you. I’m an idiot.”
“No.” Josiah shook his head firmly. “No. It’s what I want. I want you. Ichooseyou, Alex, and I choose living, because I don’t know what I’ve been doing these past seven years, but it sure as hell wasn’t that. I want this. I’m just shocked by how much.” He kissed Alex, then stood up. “Are you ready? Then let’s go.”
He grabbed the rucksacks and was halfway to the garage when his holopad buzzed.
“Joe… it’s Elsie.” She sounded out of breath.
“Elsie? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I was just about to retire the Kathleen Line nym when there was a call on it. There’s a woman… she was so distressed. Her brother’s an IS. He was in a bad situation – he escaped, but he’s been stabbed several times and he’s bleeding out. She asked for help. She has nowhere to go.”
Josiah stood there, his chest heaving. He looked at Alex, who had heard every word.
“Can’t she take care of him?” Josiah snapped.
“No – she’s an IS, too. She can’t even shelter him. She managed to get to him, but she can’t take him back to her flat because she shares it with several other indies. She doesn’t know what to do. Oh, Joe! I know we’re closing down, but surely we can save one last person, can’t we?”
Josiah whirled around, trying desperately to think of a solution, an alternative that didn’t involve him and Alex changing their plans.
