“What is it?” Alex snapped, looking hurt.
“Us! Me, refusing to feel anything because it hurt too much, and you, having to pretend you didn’t feel anything to fool everyone. What a pair.”
Alex’s face finally relaxed into a little grin. “I guess we are.” He rested his head on Josiah’s shoulder. “I meant it about enjoying the sex, though. Please don’t take that away from me.”
“I didn’t mean it to sound like that. I just never want you to feel obligated, Alex.”
“It’s all anyone’s wanted from me for so long that it’s a hard habit to break,” Alex admitted.
“Then how about we go upstairs, and you tell me all the things you want to do in bed, and then we do them?” Josiah kissed his neck gently.
“That sounds much better than dinner.” Alex grinned, taking his hand and leading him to the door.
Josiah didn’t fool himself that this particular problem was resolved, least of all by sex. He sought out Sofie first thing the next day, took her into a meeting room where they could be alone, and explained the situation.
“He’s traumatised,” she said. “No wonder he’s struggling.”
“I know. I just don’t know how to help him. One minute he’s trying to be the perfect servant, and the next he’s screaming at me.”
“I’m not a psychologist, but mainly, I think he needs time and a lot of love.”
“I can give him the second, but the first is out of my hands, sadly.”
“Then you do the best you can with the resources you have.” She patted his hand. “Would you like me to look into finding a therapist for him? If Esther will permit it?”
Josiah thought about it for a while and then sighed. “Yes, I’m sure she will. I’m a hypocrite, because I never went to one, and to be honest I think they’re mostly bullshit, but I’m out of my depth with Alex. I want to help, but I’m scared of breaking him even more than he’s already broken.”
“You’re a tower of strength to him,” Sofie said firmly. “How’s Sem doing?” she added in an undertone.
“Good. Alex says he still sleeps a lot, but he’s growing stronger every day. It does Alex good to have someone to take care of. It stops him brooding about what’s going on with Tyler.”
“I agree. What happens next with Sem?”
“Well, he’s not well enough to move yet, but it’s hardly ideal having him at my house with all that’s going on, especially now that I’ve had to put agents outside to watch the place. I thought we’d give him a few more days to get better and then smuggle him out.”
“Out of the country?” She looked stricken.
“Yes.” He squeezed her arm. “Sofie – he can’t stay here. He’ll be on the run his whole life. I’ve shut down the Kathleen Line, but I still have contacts. When he’s well enough, I’ll ask Big Jen to come and get him.”
“Big Jen?”
“Not that big, except her heart, which is huge.” Josiah grinned. “There was once a Little Jen,” he said, by way of explanation. “She’s long since gone, but Big Jen remains – she’s a very old and dear friend.”
“She sounds great.”
“She is. She’ll take Sem to Hanover, which is where another old friend lives. Liz is used to taking in traumatised indies. She’ll look after him, get him back on his feet, and then he can decide what he wants to do next. But first we need to get him well enough to travel.”
Sem was sleeping when Sofie arrived later that evening to check on him, but she woke him up and examined him.
“He’s on the mend,” she announced when she came downstairs. “You’re a great nurse, Alex.”
Alex lit up at the praise. “He’s an easy patient. Mostly, we play cards, and I help him to wash and stuff. He’s so nice. Such a gentle character.”
Josiah was struck by how much Alex and Sem had bonded. They didn’t talk about their lives as indies, and yet they each saw in the other something of their own experience, making them fast friends.
“He can’t stay here much longer,” Josiah warned. “The timing’s terrible enough as it is with all the scrutiny we’re under because of the Tyler case.”
Alex looked devastated, and Josiah could understand why. With him working all hours, Sem was the only company Alex had during this difficult time.
