Jesse nodded.
I meant his soul. I’d told him that if he went first, he had to wait for me until I followed.
“We go together,” Jesse said. It was our pact.
“Promise it’ll be you who comes and gets me,” I said. I squeezed his hand twice. “Just like this. So I know it’s you.” Jesse squeezed my hand back, twice, showing me exactly what he would do.
Jesse and I just stared at one another, soaking in these final moments. I studied his face, his dimples, his smooth skin. I committed every fleck in his green eyes to memory. And the longer we lay there, the weaker his grip on my hand became.
Hearing Jesse’s breathing grow heavy, I leaned closer and said, “You have made me happier than I’ve ever dreamed, baby. And I have loved every second of being your wife.Thank you.”
I lifted my hand and turned it into a fist. Jesse tried to laugh, but his chest barely moved. “Team two for the win,” I said weakly.
Jesse stared at my fist. His fingers curled around it, and he rasped, “We won…Junebug. We…didn’t beat…cancer, but we…won each other…in the…end.”
“We did,” I said, and Jesse’s eyes began to droop.
I looked to Cynthia with urgency, and she jumped up and kissed his cheek. “Sleep, my baby boy. I’ll see you again someday soon.”
Jesse managed to open his eyes and, looking at me, whispered, “Good…night, June…bug.”
I kissed each of his eyes and rasped out, “Sleep tight.”
Then Jesse fell into a deep sleep. He slept for just over an hour before his chest began to slow. I laid my head over his heart, holding tightly to his hand as his inhales and exhales grew into stillness.
Dr. Duncan checked him over, then said, “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
Torrents of tears sailed from my cheeks, and I cried and cried until I had nothing left. Jesse lay unmoving beneath me, and I prayed that he would open his eyes and crack an inappropriate joke.
But when I ran my fingers over his brow, his cheeks, only stillness met me. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,” I whispered over and over again until my throat was raw.
A hand on my back made me jump. I turned to see my daddy.
“They need to take him away, darlin’,” he said, sadness in his gaze.
Susan and Bailey were standing in the doorway to the room. I shook my head. “No,” I said. “No, you can’t. He needs to stay with me. He promised me he would stay.”
“Sweetie,” Cynthia said, and put her hand on my cheek. “He’s gone. We have to let him go.”
I held him tighter. Jesse couldn’t leave me. We didn’t go anywhere that wasn’t together. “He sleeps beside me,” I said, imploring them to understand. “He’s my husband. He’s…” I hiccupped. “He’s my husband and this is our bed. He sleeps beside me.”
I heard my mama begin to cry, but my daddy sat beside me and put his hand on my back. “It’s time to let him go,” he said.
It was pitch-black outside. And I felt so cold. Everyone was looking at me holding onto my husband with pain in their eyes.
“We were meant to live,” I whispered, and Daddy dropped his head onto my back. “We were meant to live, Daddy. We were meant to have our dream on our porch.”
I tucked my head into Jesse’s chest again. I stayed that way until I finally lifted my head and saw in Jesse’s face that he had truly gone. The light that lived in his eyes was no longer there. The twitch to his lips had stilled, and the love that I felt from his heart lived withinmenow.
I stared at his beautiful face one more time. I kissed his lips and said, “Keep your promise. Come for me soon.” Then I released him and watched as Bailey and Susan put him on a gurney and took him away.
I sat in the middle of our bed not knowing what to do. I looked down and realized that I still held his cap in my hand. I hugged it to my chest as though I were holding Jesse himself.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” my mama said, and I nodded numbly. As I looked around the room,ourroom, I didn’t want to be here anymore. My happiness had left with my husband. Then a picture on my wall—the picture of our dream, our porch—called out to me.
You have a book to finish, baby. You need to complete our happily ever after…
Jesse was right. I had to complete it. I had to complete our happily ever after, so that somewhere, in another life and universe, we didn’t have to have this moment. I reached for my pen and opened my notebook. And I began to write. I would finish this book, then I would say my farewells.
