When he pulled back, his smile faltered as his gaze swept over me. Sympathy flooded his expression, and my stomach rolled. For a second, I understood how June had felt when she’d caught people watching us.
“How are you doing?” His hand squeezed my arm. “I heard you were sick. I’m so sorry, Jesse. That sucks. I guess that’s why Coach recruited another QB in your place.”
My entire fucking world seemed to stop.
“I can’t believe I won’t be playing with you next year,” Banks said, and my vision shimmered as his words sank into my brain.Coach recruited another QB in your place…
That wasn’t true, was it? I hadn’t been told anything about it. My mom hadn’t said anything, neither had my coach from back in McIntyre. Every strain of muscle in my body began to tighten until it ached.
Clearing my throat, I said, “I still intend to come to UT.”
Banks stilled. “In the future?” He frowned like I was speaking another language.
I shook my head, feeling myself begin to unravel. My hands began shaking.
Coach recruited another QB in your place…
“No, this year,” I said, and Banks’s gaze swept over me again.
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I was told…I was told you’d gone to a hospice.”
“I didn’t,” I said, a bite to my voice. I was never an asshole, but I knew I sounded like one in that moment. “I’m in a clinical drug trial. I’m gonna get better. And I’m gonna play for UT.” I didn’t care if my new coach had recruited another QB; there were always a few recruited. I’d still rise to the top.
Banks was quiet again. Then said, “Preseason is brutal, man.” I stared at him, but I felt like I wasn’t in the moment. My heart was slamming in my chest, my hands were clenching into fists and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“I know,” I said absently.
Banks looked behind him, and I saw a guy I recognized. Jason Williams. He was a UT defensive tackle. He was watching me and Banks with curiosity. His face…I realized he thought he was watching a walking dead man. A QB star that should have had it all until cancer came and ripped it all away.
“I’m gonna reach remission and get to UT this year. I’ll get my weight back on and my fitness up. You’ll see,” I said, and Icould hear the desperation in my voice. I wanted to tell myself to stop talking, but it all came spilling out. “I’m gonna play for the Longhorns, Banks. So, get ready. I’ll be there in the summer for preseason.”
Banks stepped away, and I could tell he just wanted to get the fuck away from me. “That’s great, bro,” he said, then pointed his thumb over his shoulder at Williams. “I’d better be getting back.” He backed away farther and farther until he said, “It was good to see you, Jesse. I hope the treatment goes well.”
Banks turned and ran back to Williams—who should have been my future teammate too.
Coach recruited another QB in your place…
Banks talked in low tones to Williams. They looked over at me, and I turned and moved toward my friends. But I was shaken. Rocked.
Preseason is brutal, man…
Iknewit was brutal. Iknewit would take all I had to get there and be able to participate. But I could do it. I knew I could.
But Banks didn’t. He looked at me like I wasinsane.
I glanced down at my hands. They were shaking, and for a moment, they didn’t seem like mine. Is this why June did it? Did she no longer feel like herself in those moments?
I couldn’t get my heart to calm down. But as I approached my friends, I forced a smile.
“Jesse!” Chris said and waved me over. “Die Hard. Christmas film or not?”
I lowered to the blanket they’d laid out, sitting beside June. I jumped when her hand touched my leg. I met her eyes and saw concern quickly fill their depths.
“You shocked me,” I said, hoping I sounded normal. But when I turned back to Chris and felt June’s attention remain on me, I knew she’d seen through me. She always did.
“Christmas film,” I said, trying to not let myself fall into the sinkhole that was opening up inside of me. My throat was thick with emotion, and it took everything I had to not crumble and let the tears flow.
Banks was told I was gonna die.
