“No…” I whispered, my happiness for him immediately morphing into fear.
“The treatment isn’t working for me either, Junebug. At least that’s what Doc Duncan said.” He gave me a sweet smile, and I tried to make my sluggish brain catch up with what he was saying. “My cancer has progressed. I’m doing another round of treatment, but if that doesn’t take…”
“Then you’ll be on palliative care,” I said, repeating the conversation I had had with Dr. Duncan.
“Bingo,” he said, then studied me. His eyes saddened.
“Jesse?” I asked, seeing him so forlorn.
“I knew I wouldn’t be able to face seeing the expression you’re wearing right now, the one that is telling me how destroyed you are for me.” He swallowed loudly. “I wanted you to be happy and focused and keep getting better. I wished for it with my entire heart.”
I ran my fingers down his cheek, heart swelling as Jesse leaned into my touch, as if our contact was limited and he wanted to advantage of it as much as he could. “The look you’re wearing now too,” I said, “overme.”
“Yeah,” he rasped, then pulled me into his chest. Jesse’s arms wrapped around me so tightly, I could barely breathe. But I didn’t care. He was holding me, and I was holding him and we both… Lord, we were both hanging on to life by mere threads. “Iwanted you to get good news so badly,” Jesse said, and I felt the truth of his words all the way down to my bones.
“I wanted that for you too,” I said, head against his shirt, holding him even tighter. He felt so warm. He feltalive.
Jesse pulled back and held my face in his hands. It was only then that I noticed he didn’t have his football. He always had it with him, but not right now—not in this life-altering moment. My heart broke anew. Was this Jesse accepting that his dream of being a UT QB was fading? Or was it something else?
Inhaling a shuddering breath, I said, “My pen must not be magical after all. Not for us two at least—the last chapter I wrote didn’t come true.”
“Not in this life anyway,” Jesse said. He looked at me intently, then said, “I love you, Junebug. I have for a while. But I love you, and I need you to know that.”
All of the fear and pain that was surrounding us fell away as those words came from his mouth. And the detached feeling that had taken me in its hold disappeared, and I hurtled back into my body.
I love you.
“Jesse,” I whispered, my heart flipping from lead to helium in seconds. Pressing my hand to his cheek, I stared into his evergreen eyes and said, “I love you too. So much that it aches.”
Jesse’s gaze always held a flicker of pain—a sign that he had a sadness inside of him that he never set free—but that flicker of pain wasn’t there now, in this moment. I was choosing him, and he was choosing me for whatever time we had left.
We breathed each other in, and then Jesse stepped back, holding out his hand and said, “Let’s go.”
“Where?” I asked.
“The rec room.”
I shook my head, that happy bubble of ours bursting. “I can’t…” Then a thought occurred to me. “Does everyone have their results now?”
He nodded.
“Are they all doing better?”
Jesse nodded again. Sadness was back in his eyes. And I somehow knew that the sadness this time wasn’t for him—it was for me.
“It’s just you and me, Junebug,” Jesse said in a raspy voice. He held up his fist, dark humor replacing the sadness in his gaze. “Group two for the win.” The irony of that motto shouldn’t have been funny, but it was.
Despite all the sadness, the shock, and the knowledge that the mountain we both had to climb was now Everest sized, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud and bump his fist with mine. “Group two for the win.”
As my laughter left me, I still felt the heady mix of being both shattered and elated, swinging between numb and feeling every bit of Jesse’s love.
Like the balm he was, Jesse had soothed me. Helovedme…and the universe had made sure we were still here, side by side, fighting the exact same battle. It felt like there was some kind of bigger plan to that, something almost unworldly.
Placing his hand in mine, Jesse led me from the stall. Olivia gestured to us that she would turn Ginger back out in the paddock. We walked slowly and silently back to the rec room, building our collective strength to do this.
When we entered, everyone stopped talking and turned our way. Tears built in my eyes when I saw my mama and daddy were here too. They must have been waiting for me to come back. Tears still swam in their eyes, but there was belief and determination there too. It might have only been around 10percent, but I still had a place in this fight—Jesse and I both did. Together, we were even stronger.
“You both okay?” Chris asked tentatively, like he knew we were anything but.
