Emma waved. “Hey, Jesse.”
“What are you doing here?” Jesse asked. His green eyes scanned me just as thoroughly as the MRI machine Dr. Duncan made us go in. “Are you feeling okay? How are you coping? Do you need to go to bed and rest?”
He was so considerate. And I noticed that as much as he was asking us all, it was mostly directed at me.
Feeling bold, I laid my hand over his. “I’m okay. Being sick, feeling tired, the usual.” I shrugged. “But I—we—wanted to be here with you.”
Jesse tipped his head to the side as he observed me. Understanding lit his eyes. “Your dad told you where I’ve been.”
I squeezed his hand, blushing when he flipped his hand and linked his fingers with mine like it was the most natural thing in the world. I inhaled a stuttered breath. Why did my body feel this way when he touched me? I couldn’t explain the pull. “He mentioned it, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking of you too.” It took be a whole lot of courage to admit that out loud.
My throat thickened as I watched Jesse’s eyes shine with unshed tears. “Thank you, Junebug,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.You’re not alone, I wanted to add, but I didn’thave the courage just yet to express that sentiment. Not with Emma and Chris here too.
“Gladiator,” Chris said excitedly. “Good choice, Jess.”
Jesse smiled. “I figured I’d make use of the movie room until classes start and we’re forced to endure both sickness and math.” He smiled, and it was the cheeky grin I loved on him. “Though I’m not sure what will make me more nauseous, chemo or algebraic equations.”
“Amen to that, brother,” Chris said, and pretended to high five Jesse from a few seats away.
“Hey!” Emma said, like she was offended on math’s behalf. “What did algebraic equations ever do to you?”
“Err…exist,” Chris said, and I burst out laughing. He regarded Emma with incredulity. “Don’t tell me you’re a math nerd, Em?”
Emma straightened her shoulders. “Mathlete regional champion, three years in a row,” she said smugly. I already knew this. Emma had shown me pictures of her and her classmates holding the trophy when I was hanging out in her room.
Chris groaned. “June, tell me math doesn’t have your love too.”
I felt the heat of Jesse’s stare, and he squeezed the hand that was still in his. I didn’t think he planned to let go anytime soon. “Afraid not. Words are my drug of choice.”
Chris groaned again, making us all chuckle. “I’m not sure that’s any better.”
Chris motioned from him to Jesse, then to me and Emma. “Jocks and nerds coexisting in Harmony. Who said adversity couldn’t unite people?”
Emma grabbed an ice cube from her glass of water and threw it at Chris. He caught it in the air, threw it in his mouth, and began to crunch it with his teeth.
“Pig,” Emma said, and earned a teasing grin from Chris.
This was already better, I realized. Being here with friends was already better than being in my room. I loved my parents more than life itself, but they didn’t understand what it was like feeling this exhausted, this sick. They didn’t understand the fight and what it took just to exist with death a half step behind you.
“Penny for your thoughts, Junebug,” Jesse whispered as he leaned in close. Emma and Chris were squabbling about something else beside us. I rolled my head to the left, inching closer to where he was. He had dark circles under his eyes and the skin on his cheeks were slightly cracked, yet he still looked so unbelievably handsome.
I tightened my grip on his hand. “I’m just thankful we have each other.” But as I retained eye contact, shivers running in relays went up and down my spine. “I’m…” I swallowed my nerves and said, “I’m real glad I’m here…with you.”
Dimples popped in Jesse’s cheeks as he brought our hands up to his mouth and grazed the back of mine with his lips. I was breathless, words and feelings rushing through me in a torrent. “Ditto.”
“You ever wonder if that’s what it’s like?” Emma said softly, pulling our attention to her. On the big screen, the main character was walking through fields of wheat, fingertips running over the tops as he made his way back to his family in the afterlife.
“I hope so,” Jesse said from beside me. “Or something like it.” We all fell silent then, watching a serene depiction of heaven before us, the beautiful soundtrack making my skin break out into goose bumps. There was one thing for certain: when you were diagnosed terminal, what happened after death became a constant wonder.
Jesse lifted my hand again, and butterflies swooped in my stomach as he pressed our joined hands against his cheek. I wasn’t sure what heaven was or what it would look like, butwhile I was here, fighting to live, I thought the ranch may not be so bad if I had this boy beside me, making me feel things I’d only ever read about in my favorite books.
“This is what we have to do,” Chris said, pulling us away from the beauty of the scene. He circled a finger in the air, encompassing all of us. “We do this when we have treatment.”
Just then, Bailey arrived with jugs of water, the dreaded orange drink, and buckets. Then, Dr. Duncan popped in to monitor our levels before leaving us alone again.
When they’d left, Chris continued. “We come here, together, and fight through this as one—while watching movies, naturally.”
“Naturally,” Emma echoed sarcastically.
