I settled back in my bed and realized I still had the cold cloth on my forehead. I pulled it away and placed it on my bedsidetable. “It’s rough,” I said. I wanted to protect her, but I also needed to be honest with someone. “This new chemo and the new drug therapy they’ve got us on…” I shook my head. “But if it works?—”
“When,” my mom said.
I smirked at her tenacity. “Whenit works, it’ll have all been worth it.”
Mom was quiet for a few moments, just staring at me. “And how are you, in yourself?” Her eyes seemed to bore into my soul. “How are you coping with everything?”
I took a deep breath. “I’m okay. Just trying to keep positive.”
She stared at me a touch too long, clearly trying to see if I was lying.
“I promise, Mom. I’m doing okay emotionally at the moment. I swear I’ll tell you if I’m not.”
“Okay,” she said, finally satisfied. “I’m so proud of you, Jesse. I don’t think you’ll ever realize how much. You’ve been through so much.Toomuch.” Her bottom lip trembled.
“Mom,” I said, fighting back my own grief. “I can’t wait to see y’all.” My voice was breaking, but Mom didn’t mention it. She just let me show my emotion. Nothing good came from me bottling it up.
“I’m counting the days until our visit,” she said. “How are your friends? Chris and Emma?”
“The same, really. Haven’t seen them in a few days. The treatment is hitting us all pretty hard.” She nodded, then said, “And June?” There was a different inflection to her voice when she mentioned June.
I raised an inquisitive eyebrow.
Mom laughed. “Jesse, I know when my boy has met a pretty girl, and I can tell when he likes her asmorethan a friend.”
“Great place to pick up a girl, Mom. A hospital.”
“Love finds us in strange places, Jesse,” she said, a singsong note to her voice. “It can sweep in hard and fast.”
Her comment gave me permission to think of June. Hell, who was I kidding? I’d been thinking of her nonstop for the past several days. I’d heard murmured conversations through our shared wall and the sound of her throwing up as much as me. I desperately wanted to go next door and sit with her each afternoon when our chemo infusions were done. It gave me strength. I missed company, and it was her company that I was particularly craving.
And I really liked holding her hand.
But I hadn’t dared go and see her. I was ballsy by nature but would never intrude on someone when they were on the ropes.
“June is…” I shrugged, unable to find words. “I don’t know. Different, I guess?” I felt my lips curl into a smile. “She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.”
“I can’t wait to meet her, Jess,” Mom said. “She sounds lovely.” Then she changed the subject. “Me and the girls went to the game last night.” A pang of jealousy hit me. I gripped my football tighter to my side. “The announcer talked about you, and all your friends and teachers were asking how you were and wishing you the best. Coach most of all. The whole stadium prayed for you.”
“Yeah?” I asked.
Mom nodded. “Coach said he sent you the game film for you to watch.” I hadn’t checked my email yet, so I’d be sure to later. “They’re counting the days until you come home,” Mom said, full of hope, and it was the lift I needed. She lowered her voice, then added, “And the stand-in QB was no match for you.”
I chuckled. “You have to say that.”
“I do,” she said playfully, “but it doesn’t make it any less true.”
“I love you, Mom, so much.” The past several months, I always told her I loved her. If anything ever happened to me, I wanted her to always know that she was the best mom there could have been, that she had done all she could to save me. When my father left, she’d kept us all standing. I tried to support her as much as I could, but she never let me be anything other than a kid. And she held me up when my daddy’s absence crushed me.
“I love you too, Sunshine,” she said, and I smiled at that childhood term of endearment. “Let me go get the gremlins so they can say goodbye too.”
When I hung up the phone a few minutes later, I took another sip of water and was instantly relieved that my stomach wasn’t trying to eject it. The anti-sickness meds were kicking in, and I decided I needed to get out of this room for a while.
I grabbed my phone and downloaded my emails and found the email from my coach. I put on my slippers and left my room. It was quiet in the hallway for the middle of the day—completely opposite to how the halls were the first few days.
I headed to the cinema room I had yet to visit.
Once there, I sat down in one of the plush chairs. I kept the volume low to not disturb anyone, though in a house this size, I was sure that wouldn’t matter, then kicked back the recliner and connected my phone to the movie screen. In seconds, my team was before me. Sipping on the water I had brought with me, a warm sensation burst in my chest at seeing my teammates came on the screen. My school field was illuminated under the Friday night lights. I itched to be there, dressed in blue and white and leading my boys to victory.
