I was lucky, though. I had a support team around me, ready to jump in and help the moment I needed anything.
My parents had insisted I come back home for the time being, so I was back in my childhood home and being watched over by my parents. For the first two weeks, Sofia had bunked with me. It was a hard time for both of us. We’d leaned on each other for support in those weeks, and I had every sympathy for her for what she was going through. The man she’d loved had become amonster. Eventually, I had to insist she go back home because I needed to get back to normal and rely on myself again, and she needed to face her own life. She’d gone, but insisted she be my number one call if ever I needed anything.
I agreed, but I was determined not to call. She was feeling guilty, as if she should have seen it coming, as if she could have prevented the attack, and I refused to let her keep trying to make up for something that was in no way her fault.
It was no one’s fault; no one’s but Ellis’s.
Even thinking his name turned my stomach and made me lock tight all over again. He was gone now, in jail, and he had no chance of freedom for a good long while. He couldn’t touch me anymore, but it was taking a while to believe that. Despite the warmer weather, a chill raised goosebumps across my arms, and I rubbed them to erase the feeling.
Healing was exhausting. And I don’t mean the physical side. My injuries had all healed now, and there was only a fine scar near my temple that remained to remind me of that awful night.
I was in therapy after what had happened, and I was making progress. It hurt to relive that horrifying event, but it was like lancing poison from my body as I got every moment of it out. My therapist was great, and she helped me to reconcile my life now with what happened and helped me to work through the onslaught of confusing and sometimes contradictory emotions that bombarded me.
After a small amount of prodding, I’d managed to convince Trev and Carol to get therapy as well. Sofia had needed no urging. I was pretty sure she had an appointment booked before we even left the island. But Trev and Carol carried so much guilt. It was as if they thought suffering was their penance for raising a son capable of such violence.
Again, I refused to hold anyone responsible for Ellis’s actions that night besides Ellis. I knew Trev and Carol, I knew how theyraised their son, and it wasnotby excusing things like what he’d done.
We were all still healing, and it would probably take a good long time to come to terms with everything, but we were working on it, so that was the main thing.
My phone vibrated and I looked down to see a message from Kate. I smiled as I opened it to see a photo of Sofia in a chair at the hairdresser’s, foils throughout her mass of dark hair. It had the caption,“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure she doesn’t get bangs!”
Kate had been an invaluable source of comfort these last two months. She’d been running between me, Sofia, and Trev and Carol, hoping to help us all. When Sofia had gone home, Kate had gone to stay with her for a week so she wouldn’t have to be in her own home all alone. I loved her for that.
The screen door opened behind me, and I turned my head to see Carol come out with a tray of drinks.
“Let me help,” I said, hurrying to stand.
“Oh, no. I’ve got it, but Trev could probably use a hand with the food,” she suggested, nodding her head back toward the house. Smiling, I did as she suggested and started inside. I’d barely taken more than a few steps though, before I came to a stop beside a familiar door.
I’d been in this house countless times since I was sixteen, and I’d never felt the urge to enter this room in all that time. But something inside me tugged hard, and I was pushing it open before I could really think much about it.
Of course, it no longer looked the same since Flynn had collected all his things. It was a guest room now, which meant there was still a large bed in the center of the room, but there were other boxes and things now which hadn’t been there before. Leaning my shoulder on the doorframe, I could practically see that night play out before me again.
Flynn had sat on the bed with his back propped against theheadboard, his dark hair longer and messy from running his hands through it. That smirk was on his face and mischievous glint in his green eyes as he came closer.
Closing my eyes, I could feel the way he reached for me. I could hear the deep timbre of his voice as he spoke softly to me, offering the girl across the road a way to have what she wanted and not be forced to make a fool of herself. He’d given me a safe place to experience my first kiss, and he’s made it an unforgettable experience. Granted, I knew neither of us had intended to get so carried away, but the minute I’d let him in, it had been almost impossible not to sink into it.
It seemed that was always the way with us. Flynn made me feel safe to explore new things, to learn about myself. He just made me feel safe, full stop.
Opening my eyes, I let out a slow breath and swallowed hard. It had been the same way on the island. We’d kissed, and all bets were off. It was like swimming against the current and continuing to fight what we felt had been exhausting.
He’d let me keep some distance for the first two weeks, and then I’d received a letter in the mail. He hadn’t once asked me how I was doing or brought up anything to do with Ellis or the attack. Instead, he wrote about the fun things we’d done on the island, how much he’d loved seeing me again, and how much he couldn’t believe I’d hired someone to fake-date without seeing the photo. He filled me in on his tattoo shop, and that he’d gone out and bought the motorbike he’d always wanted to do a cross-country trip in. He was planning to finally take that trip and told me all about it.
I hadn’t replied to that letter, still wondering if I should just let him go. But a few days later, another letter arrived. He kept talking about life as normal, not addressing the attack or the fact that I hadn’t replied to the first one. I finally responded and followed his lead, keeping things light and easy; no pressure andno heavy topics. But what I loved about each and every letter he sent were the sketches he’d send with them. They were of us on the island. We had a very small number ofrealphotos of the two of us and how we’d been back then. But he’d taken the time to draw our moments together, and I loved it.
I had a shoebox nearly full of letters at this point and was writing him every second or third day. We were getting to know each other again from the ground up, all ugliness put aside, and just enjoying what it was to know each other. I loved every moment of it, but I missed him.
I missed hearing his voice. I missed watching his smile grow from that knowing smirk to a full-blown grin. I missed the deep, raspy chuckle and the way his muscles tensed beneath tattooed skin.
I missedhim.
Footsteps sounded in the hall, and I looked up to see Trevor making his way toward me. I knew he walked louder now to give me a chance to hear him coming so he’d never sneak up on me. I loved him for that.
“How are you doing, sweetheart?” he asked as he came to lean on the wall beside the door, pale eyes searching my face.
“Sorry, I was meant to come in and help you. I got distracted,” I said, glancing at the room again.
Trev had been the arms I’d fallen into outside the hotel room on the island, and safety had never felt so good. At first, I hadn’t been able to tell who held me, my body was too primed to run for my life, but after a moment his deep voice registered and the way his arms cradled me was comforting, not confining.
