On some level I knew this was the case for Flynn. I’d told him asmuch outside the hotel. But only now were the ramifications of that sinking in. What if he never let his guard down? What if we left the island with this giant thing unresolved between us and he let himself stay miserable forever because he was too afraid to get hurt again?
I couldn’t say I didn’t understand it. He’d been through a lot. The idea of opening himself up to the possibility of more pain, of another thing in his life that could be ripped away had to be terrifying. But I’d thought what we had could push through all that.
Or maybe I’d just been hoping.
“Men are stupid,” I finally relented with an unhappy sigh.
“Absolutely,” Kate agreed.
“I mean, why are we even attracted to them? Are all straight women just suckers for punishment that we’ll literally tie ourselves to someone who will emotionally wound us all becausethey’retoo afraid of getting hurt themselves?”
“We’re idiots, that’s for sure,” Kate tacked on.
“This is the twenty-first freaking century, Kate. We don’t actuallyneedmen anymore, and I’m comfortable enough in my sexuality to know I could bend the other way if the right woman came along,” I continued.
Kate snapped her fingers dramatically. “Sing it, sister.”
“I don’t need Flynn, and it’s not like I’m actually in love with him or anything anyway. This is just a bad weekend.”
“That’s right!” Kate exclaimed, throwing her arm around my shoulder.
“Screw him and his macho attitude and gaslighting ways. I’m going to enjoy the rest of my own damn holiday and pretend he doesn’t even exist!”
“Now you’re getting it!” Kate cried.
“I’ve got this!”
“Absolutely you do!” she encouraged.
“Are you just telling me what I want to hear?”
“One hundred percent,” Kate answered with a giggle.
I laughed and shook my head, my smile slowly dying when reality seeped back in. I ducked my head, my hair falling forward. Kate used her arm around me to tug me against her and I rested my head on her shoulder.
“I’m falling in love with him, Kate,” I whispered.
“I know,” she said softly, taking my hand again.
“You know one of the scariest parts about that? Besides the possibility that he might not love me back?”
She shook her head, and I tried to smile, but it was small and shaky. “It wasn’t even that much of a fall. I think I’d fallen half-way in love with him as a girl and seeing him again—spending time with him again—just pushed me the rest of the way. It feels less likefallingand more like taking a long-awaited final step into a place I’ve been waiting to enter for a really long time. And now that I’m here, the door is closed, and it hurts, Kate. More than I thought it would.”
Kate squeezed me tightly, and I hung my head, feeling ridiculous for being so heartbroken so quickly. I didn’t understand how it happened so fast, and I didn’t bother trying to dissect it. I’d gone and fallen for him, simple as that. Now I had to navigate the best way forward that wouldn’t leave me a hopeless, desperate mess.
“I’m not crazy, am I, Kate?” I asked after a long silence. “Flynn and I… we really could have been something amazing, couldn’t we?”
Kate sighed. “Yeah, babe. I saw it when we were younger, and it was there even stronger the second I saw you two together again. Whether you believe in soulmates or not, the two of you are two pieces of the same puzzle, but it’s like he’s constantly trying to reshape his edges, so he doesn’t fit with anyone. Maybe he feels safer alone.”
I exhaled slowly and closed my eyes. He might feel safer alone,but it was going to be a lonely existence if he didn’t find a way around that. And I worried that because I felt so strongly for him, his decision to remain that way would shape my life, too.
After another long silence, Kate slowly pulled away and clapped loudly.
“Look, we can’t do anything about Flynn right now. He’s a grown ass man who will make his own decisions, whether they be right or wrong. But we are here for Sofia’s wedding, and she has her bachelorette night tonight. We need to get dressed up and be there for our friend,” Kate announced.
I nodded, immediately feeling guilty. I should have been there for Sofia more this trip, but she was so busy with her parents and grandparents here—plus Ellis’s parents—that I knew she hadn’t ever been left alone. Besides, most of my maid of honor duties had already been handled, and there was nothing else for me to do until tonight. I would put on a smile, I’d drink and dance, and we’d make sure Sofia had the best send off into married life.
“You’re right. We have a great night to put together for our friend, and I can forget about Flynn for the night.”
