How was he even saying this right now? The man I was looking at wasn’t the same one I’d been sleeping with. This Flynn was… cold. He was unfeeling; he was distant. What the hell was so wrong with the idea of having feelings for me that he could flip a switch just like that?
“I want to go back to the hotel now,” I said softly, looking away from him. It hurt too much to see this side of him.
“Chiara—”
“No, we’re done talking,” I said quickly, moving for the bike and putting the helmet on. “We can go now.”
Flynn didn’t move for a long moment, and I felt his dark eyes on my face, but I refused to look at him. If he could call a stop to what we were doing, then I could damn well end a conversation.
Thankfully, he didn’t push the subject further and climbed onto the bike. I waited for him to start it before I moved a little closer, and instead of wrapping my arms around him as I’d done before, I hooked my fingers through his belt loops. He didn’t move right away, and I knew he was waiting for me to adjust my hold, but when I remained stubbornly stiff, he shook his head, and we pushed off. I kept my head down the entire ride, telling myself the tears gathering in the corners of my eyes were from the wind and not because I was upset or felt foolish.
Somehow, despite us riding straight to the hotel instead of exploring, this ride seemed exponentially longer. The minute the hotel came into view, I breathed a sigh of relief. I was unbuckling my helmet before the bike even came to a stop, and the second we did, I pushed off and handed him the helmet back. Spinning on my heel, I marched away from him.
“Chiara,” he called, but I ignored him. I heard the bike turn off and I groaned. A second later his large hand wrapped around mywrist, and he spun me to face him.
“What?”
“Just…” He hesitated and seemed to be searching for the right words. “Are you okay?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Peachy. We good?”
I made to move away again, and he stopped me, his eyebrows drawn down in a frustrated frown.
“This is exactly what I’d hoped to stop from happening. I didn’t want you to get hurt,” he tried to defend.
“I’m not hurt, Flynn.”
“You’re not?” he asked in disbelief.
“No. I’m angry.”
“About what? That I was honest?”
I scoffed. “You were the farthest thing from honest.”
“No. I told you in the beginning that what we have is only for now,” he said, lowering his voice and looking around, aware that someone from the wedding could overhear us.
“And right there is the lie,” I accused, shaking my head. “I didn’t expect us to fall in love and live happily ever after. That’s not what I wanted. But I’m far more honest with myself than you are because I can admit that what we have can most definitely be something more, something real. It has the potential to survive outside this holiday bubble, but you refuse to admit it.”
“Ara—”
“Look, if you honestly felt nothing for me but lust, and you were genuine in saying your only concern was formyfeelings, then I could accept that,” I interrupted, pausing to take in a steadying breath. “But this charade you’re putting on, this act that your refusal to consider more is formybenefit, is maddening. You’re afraid to get hurt, plain and simple, and instead of owning it, you try to say it’s all for me. Don’t use me to take the coward’s path,” I continued.
When he didn’t say anything to that, I pushed on, shaking myhead.
“We have something, Flynn. It’s powerful, and it’s always been there between us, but we were too young to handle it before. But here we are, more than ten years later, and it’s stronger than ever. You feel it too. Iknowyou do, so don’t you dare disrespect me by denying it. I’m not saying you’re my soul mate or that we’re meant to be, butGod! At least I can admit there’s something there worth pursuing.”
Flynn opened his mouth to say something else, and I held up a hand to stop him.
“You keep saying you didn’t want me to get hurt, but I think you are really protecting yourself. You don’t want to risk someone else in your life disappointing you, betraying you, or leaving you. Fine, I get it. But while you go home lying to yourself, thinking you did the right thing and keptmesafe, I’ll go home knowing I had the courage to reach for something I wanted, even if it didn’t work out. And at least I’ll go with no regrets. Can you truthfully say the same?”
His deep green eyes flicked back and forth between mine, but he didn’t say anything. Drawing in a breath, I shook my head, for the first time disappointed in him.
“I didn’t think so.”
With one last look, I spun on my heel and marched through the automatic doors of the hotel, using my anger as a buffer from the tears threatening to break through.
I needed a drink and a friend.
