“I know.” I nod, licking my chapped lips. My eyes flick over my other three men. “I’m going to tell you everything.”
They all watch and wait. I feel like crying again, feeling so open and raw.
Taking a deep breath in, I let it out slowly. “Around the time you three started showing me attention back in high school, Tina had an issue with it. She didn’t like that not only one, but three of the richest guys in school were showing me interest and not her. She made sure to make it her mission to remind me how unworthy I was. That it was some kind of joke, or dare, becausethere’s no way guys like you would ever be into a sad little poor girl.” I shake my head.
“I know I shouldn’t have let her words get to me, and for a while, I didn’t. But when she became so persistent, picking on my body, my weight, it became harder and harder to ignore. When you have someone always in your ear, telling you you're an ugly person and worthy of nothing, it’s hard not to start believing it.” I swallow thickly. “I let her get into my head, and I started eating less, being picky about what I was eating. Well, it led to an eating disorder that really affected both my mental and physical health.” My eyes find Preston’s. “The tower,” I whisper.
“The night I found you.” His jaw is ground so tight, I’m afraid he might break a tooth. “You passed out because you were sick. But it wasn’t with the flu, was it?”
“No,” I whisper softly. “At that point, I was at my worst. I wasn’t eating, and the things I could eat, I didn’t hold down for long. I was frustrated with myself that day and went to the tower to be alone. My self-hatred was pretty bad at that moment. I was so hungry I was shaking, dizzy, and seconds from passing out. After crying and beating myself up over it, I forced myself to eat until I couldn’t stand it anymore. Then...” Tears spill down my cheeks as I look away. “Pretty much what happened today is what happened back then. I kept puking and couldn’t stop. Until my body passed out and I was forced to.”
I turn back to look at Preston, tears streaming down my face. “I’m so sorry you had to find me like that. I never wanted you to see me like that. For anyone to see me like that. I’m sorry for the pain it caused, the worry.”
“That was the worst moment of my life.” Preston wipes angrily at his eyes. “Because even though I told myself I could never have you, I wanted you more than anything in the world. You were the only good thing in my life. Our moments in that tower,” he rasps, “they were the only thing that kept me going.The amount of times I was ready to just end it all.” He laughs, but it’s not a happy one as he tilts his head back to look up at the ceiling. “But I couldn’t do it because all I could think about was you worrying why I stopped coming to the tower.” He looks at me again, and we’re both crying now. “I couldn’t do it.”
“Preston.” I reach for him, taking his hand in mine as my heart breaks into a million pieces.
“Was it Tina? Did she cause this like last time?” Grayson asks, his own eyes red, voice shaky with emotion.
“Yes and no.” I wipe at my eyes. “At first, yes. It was easy to let her into my head again because it was hard to believe that you three would actually want anything to do with me. At least at the time. But the more time we spent together, I knew her words were lies. I believed what you all were showing me versus what a jealous, angry, hateful person said. I thought I was getting better. It didn’t get anywhere as bad as it was in the past.”
“So what caused it to get this bad?” Declan asks.
“This time, stress.” I shrug. “I’ve been so stressed with everything that's been going on. Not just recently, but since the beginning of the year. All of this.” I gesture between the group of us. “It’s not easy.” I laugh softly. “But I don’t regret any of it. It’s going to take work, and I knew it was worth every bit of it. That was manageable.”
“But ever since things with our father.” Collin growls.
“Yeah, pretty much.” I close my eyes.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Collin asks. “Why didn’t you come to us and let us help?”
“What more could you do?” I ask. “You’ve already been running yourself ragged to keep me safe. I didn’t want to worry you. Everything was going so good with each of us, I just wanted to enjoy things. I didn’t want to let that monster continue to have this hold over me and take the only good I had left in my life after already taking so much. So, I shoved it down and tried to forget.I threw myself into spending time with you guys and my friends until I wasn’t able to avoid it any longer.”
“Don’t,” Preston growls. “Don’t do that again. We are in this together, do you hear me? Your problems are our problems. Your stress is our stress. Even if there's nothing that can be done about it, we still want to be there for you.”
“I know,” I answer shamefully. “I should have trusted you guys. I just...” I sigh. “I didn’t want to worry you, and then I ended up making things way worse.”
“Tina isn’t going to be an issue anymore," Preston says.
“What do you mean?” My brows furrow.
“She’s being kicked out of school as we speak,” Collin adds.
“Really?” I shouldn’t be this hopeful over it, but I can’t help the relief that floods me.
“And, I told her we were done,” Preston says.
“You did?” Declan and I ask at the same time.
Preston nods firmly. “Also outed our relationship to the whole school, so there’s that to deal with when we get back.” He gives me a guilty look. “I should have thought it through, but I was just so mad. I’m sorry if this stresses you out. But I promise I’ll make sure no one fucks with you anymore.”
“This is the good kind of stress.” I smile.
“Ahh...” Preston rubs the back of his head as he looks to Declan. “They know about me and you, too.”
“Really?” Declan's smile is so damn cute it causes me to grin.
“Surprise?” Preston grunts.
