“Seems like you’ve closed the chapter on that story a long time ago. Don’t let it get to you, kiddo.” He tapped my table before walking out the door.
Even grumpy Oscar had my chest squeezing today. I was clearly off my game. I reached into my bag for a handful of gummy bears, just as Jane set our drinks down, and Henley hurried inside.
She took the seat across from me and studied me. “You okay?”
“Yes. I’m fine. I’m just—I’m a little off today.”
“Are you worried about Beckett showing up?”
“I hadn’t really thought about it until Oscar asked a few minutes ago. Obviously, I don’t want him to make a scene here in this peaceful town, you know? But I’m used to his stunts, so I can handle it.”
“So, what’s going on?”
“I asked Rafe if he wanted to go to the bar tomorrow. And you know, it’s Valentine’s Day, so I wanted to give him a heads-up. But he already made plans.”
She smiled before taking a sip of her coffee and setting her cup down. “I know. He told me he was doing something fun for you. I think it’s sweet. Why does that bother you?”
I could say anything to Henley, and she’d never judge me. She’s always been the person I trusted most.
“Because it’s sweet, and it’s all so confusing, and I don’t want to mess anything up. And you know I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day.”
She took my hands in hers and leaned forward. “It’s okay to like him, Lu. I know you’ve been in this state of anger since your last relationship, and yes, you dated after Beckett, but it was never anything serious. You’ve put this guard up around yourself, and I’ve watched you do it. I understand why you have it there because you’ve been hurt, and it’s scary to let someone in again. But Beckett Bane has taken enough of your time and energy. Even his drama can be all-consuming. So, let yourself be happy. It’s okay to do that.”
A tear ran down my cheek, and I quickly pulled my hand back and swiped it away. “This wasn’t supposed to be real. It wasn’t supposed to turn into anything. I’m leaving. The timing isn’t right. I can’t let myself go there right now. My life is just aboutto take off. I can’t get sidetracked by a good-looking man with a pretty penis,” I grumped.
Her head tipped back in laughter. “The woman who is all about having a fling and cutting loose has been in a relationship with all these rules she put in place for weeks. Why do you think that is?”
“Because she’s smart and cautious and knows trouble when she sees it.”
“I don’t think so, Lu. I think you care about him much more than you want to admit, and that scares the hell out of you. That’s why you haven’t had sex with him, and you sleep in separate beds, even though you basically live together. I mean, come on, it’s crazy. You’ve showered with the man. You make out with him every night. And then you go to separate rooms?”
I ended up telling her everything because I needed a voice of reason to tell me that I wasn’t crazy for doing this.
And now she was calling this crazy?
“Well, when you say it like that, it sounds insane.”
“Because it is.” She leaned forward again. “I love you. I know you’re scared, and I know you hate feeling that way. Being with Rafe right now does not mean you are going to derail your life. Maybe this is just something you need right now. Maybe you just let go of all of these fears and see where it goes.”
“I’ll tell you where it goes… I’m leaving for Paris in six weeks. It’s going to Paris.” I shrugged. “I don’t care how magical that man’s dick is or how charming or funny he is. I have a plan. I’m not going to let a man distract me ever again.”
“He knows you’re leaving, yet he’s still there. Playing by your rules. He’s been dragged into the press pretty much daily since this relationship went public, yet he’s stood by your side. He doesn’t care if you’re crazy-ass ex comes to town; he’s got your back. So enjoy it. He’s a good one, Lu.”
“I don’t want to like him this much,” I finally said, my voice cracking on the last word. “But I already do. And I’m afraid if I let myself go any deeper, I won’t be able to come up for air.”
“I was terrified when I let my guard down with Easton. But you can’t spend your whole life being afraid. And Rafe knows you’re leaving, you’ve both been upfront about the fact that you aren’t looking for anything serious. So enjoy yourself and don’t overthink it.”
“What is happening? That’s normally my speech to you. I’m not the overthinker. I’m not the one who throws caution to the wind. What is it about this man that has me so turned upside down?”
“I think it’s because you like him,” she said, one brow quirked.
She was right. I liked him. I liked him a lot.
Even though I wished I didn’t.
“I think it was the orgasm shower. I’m going with that,” I said, and we both fell back in a fit of giggles.
“Just let yourself have this. Even if it’s for a short time. You deserve to be happy, Lu. You’re always in that fight-or-flight state, and with Rafe, you don’t have to be. You can just be you. So give yourself this. Even if just for a few weeks. And then you’ll head to Paris and conquer the world, and he’ll be the first one to cheer you on. Along with me, of course.”
