Like usual these days, she doesn’t appear. I miss the mocking apparition, even if she never did a thing to help me. At least if I was talking to myself, the illusion made it feel like I wasn’t alone. I don’t know if the ketamine drip and then themaddening rush from my infection caused what’s left of my mind to fracture, but I can’t see her anymore.
No version of Porscha was a good person, but the one in my head only knew the cruelty already dealt out to me. She couldn’t create new pain because she wasn’t real. But at least she was someone to talk to.
“You could at least mock me about your daughter,” I grumble, staring down at my hands. Since I’m in solitary all the time now, punished for an escape I didn’t orchestrate, I’m just waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting…
I gave Sterling’s team what they needed to find the house, to find the clues. I told them I never pretended, but I don’t think the brilliant minds in the FBI have pieced it all together yet. If they did, I wouldn’t be forgiven for my transgressions, but I believe Porscha would be punished too.
I haven’t spoken to my attorney since the hospital. I was discharged shortly after the last time I saw Sterling, and nothing since. McKinney said he would contact me and visit the moment something new happened. So where the fuck is everyone?
My eyes close, letting my head fall back against the wall. “They wouldn't even bring me your book to read.”
It's not thatLove in Lockupsounds like something I'd enjoy, but I'm curious what delusions Porscha created.
I hear steps outside the cell, and glance towards the sound. Usually it's just someone passing by, but when I see the guard pause outside the cell and key in the code, my interest piques. I haven't had any outside time since I returned, and I'm starting to feel trapped. That's not something I've experienced in a long time. I grew accustomed to jail.
As the cell opens, I stand and stay in place beside the bed. I'm not supposed to approach the doorway until I'm cuffed.
“Mr. Constantine,” Warden Bradshaw says, and I’m surprised to see him again. I barely saw him during my entirestay at CGP, and now he’s visiting me in my cell? His badge leaves no doubt in my mind who this is, and I narrow my eyes as he continues. “Welcome back.”
“I’m feeling the love,” I say, putting most of my weight on my good leg. “What a thrill.”
The warden just shakes his head, blowing out a breath. There are two guards standing outside the cell, and I’m only semi-surprised to see Preston and another guard barely a step behind the warden, lining the outside of my cell.
I press a hand over my temple, his face immediately making my mind react. I don’t remember if I saw Norbert the day Porscha abducted me. Kyle and Porscha were the two I saw the most, plus that nurse…
What happened to the nurse? I haven’t bothered to ask. She became inconsequential once I was alone and unable to escape Porscha. But if I have to see her again I can’t promise there won’t be violence.
“We have some visitors who would like to speak with you,” Bradshaw goes on, distracting me. “The FBI is back.”
As much as it shouldn’t, my heart flutters all the same. He might not accept it yet, but Sterling is one of us now. And when I’m no longer able to see Jo and Vinny, maybe he can.
“Your attorney will be present,” Bradshaw goes on, and I just nod. What is he expecting me to say? “And we’re returning you to no-contact, so you will be fully restrained during the visit.”
“You gonna help me walk down then?” I ask dryly, raising a brow. “Seeing as I’ve got this limp going on.”
Bradshaw briefly glances down at my leg, but his expression is unreadable. Since I’m in solitary it hasn’t really mattered that my movement is limited, and I can hobble around as needed. The doctor back at the hospital would have a fit, butthere’s not much to be done about it. I’m not going to get a cane to help me out. Not here.
“We’ll make sure you don’t fall,” Bradshaw says, giving me a dark smile. There’s nothing friendly about it. “Preston, let’s go.”
I don’t have much to say as they restrain me. There’s a leg bar that’s going to make walking harder, but none of the three seem all that concerned with my comfort levels. I blow out a breath when we start walking, tossing a glance over my shoulder back to the room. I haven’t had it in me to fix what they messed up yet.
“I don’t appreciate the mess you caused leaving my prison,” the warden says, and I’m surprised he sticks around to walk with me, even if it’s a very slow gait. “You, Porscha, Kyle… all three of you gave me a lot of hell I didn’t need.”
“So sorry for the trouble,” I tell him sarcastically.
“You should be,” Bradshaw says, and I just let him talk. It’s obvious there’s something he feels he needs to say to me, yet he couldn’t be bothered to come chat until now. “You’ve given my prison a bad rep.”
“Doesn’t sound like it’s my fault,” I tell him, watching the elevator as we descend. “I was abducted, remember? You should be mad at Porscha.”
“Porscha isn’t part of my prison,” Bradshaw grinds out, and I latch onto each word. This is the most time I’ve spent with the warden, so maybe he’ll give something away. “I can’t do shit about her.”
“So you’re going to do something about me?” I ask, eyes narrowing.
Bradshaw glances at me as the elevator doors open. “You’ll see soon enough, Constantine. Transfer is already in place. You’ll go back to being the state’s problem soon enough.”
I frown, letting them shuffle me along. Why is Bradshaw telling me this? My understanding is they usually keep transfers under wraps unless the inmate requested it. Despite being taken from here, I prefer CGP to anywhere else. This is the place I’m familiar with, and sometime when I’m off solitary I’ll be able to go search for Bernie again.
It’s summer now… and it occurs to me I won’t see grad students anymore. I don’t know what Artemis is up to either, but no one breathed a word about any of that to me since my return. Maybe the program got nixed after the prison break.
