“I know you have no reason to believe me but I've never lied to you. I kept back, didn't reveal to you some things or twisted the truth, I admit it, but I've never lied to you and I'm not going to lie to you now. You have nothing to worry about because I won't let them even get close to you.”
Violette sighed and then ran her hand over her face, feeling like the tears would release at any moment but she didn't have strength for crying. She was tired. She just wanted to close her eyes and then wake up, wishing all of it was a baddream and what it takes to make all this disappear it's just for her to wake up. One simple thing.
Dante slowly pulled forward his body but she harshly flinched away as if it was a threatening move. And then he pulled back again.
The silence reigned over them.
“I didn't want this,” tumbled up from Dante’s mouth.
She finally raised her eyes to him, before quickly looking away.
“I didn't want to become…this,” he said, turning his gaze to something else.
Violette slowly wiped another bloodstain, her gaze locked on the same spot where the blood was a second ago.
“You said you've never lied to me…” she started, her voice deepened.
“Yes, I did not.”
“Then tell me…what did Caidas mean when he said you didn't listen?”
He let out a deep breath. “Caidas claims I've never really tried to tame my–” he swallowed “—urges. But it's not true. I've never meant to kill anyone, to become what I became. I am disgusted by everything I did back then. The truth is – my urge was unbearable. I couldn't get to used to it, I couldn't stop hearing the rush of blood, seeing people was a torture and I didn't have time to come to my senses as I…”
He raised his eyes to her face, finding it hard to tell the next word in her presence. The line of his jaw tugged.
“Caidas doesn't believe me, he thinks I didn't want to listen to him and was just stubborn but it's not true. I tried…I tried my best, Violette.”
Violette.
Violette…
He'd never called her by her name. She bit her lower lip before she dragged her eyes to him. The look on his face was strange, she couldn't say which emotion he tried to show or to hide. Perhaps that's what she saw earlier this night when she flinched away – he looked hurt.
She wet a towel again, carefully listening.
“If I could change everything – I would,” he said, his voice unusually gentle. “I'd been trying to run away from home as far as I could but no matter how hard I'd tried every time I kept waking up in a strange place with my hands covered in blood. I am a monster and I would never deny it but I didn’t want it.”
“What changed now? Why do you think this time will be different?” She raised her eyes to him for a split second.
“Since I was imprisoned almost three centuries have passed. It's not a lot for a vampire but I've tried to learn, I've lived among people and tried to bear with my thoughts and curb them. There was a time when all I could think about was blood and hunger but it changed – I'm fully conscious, I cleared the thoughts and don't have irrepressible urges anymore. I couldn't bear with my own mind and it was driving me insane, making me do horrendous things but I am no longer in that fatal state. I don't want to hurtanyone. I've already done enough. I just want to be free.”
Her brows lowered. Something inside her wanted to believe his words, despite her common sense screaming how dangerous and stupid it was. Something in his look, his voice made her believe he regretted his past, he always avoided conversation about it, after all. She could feel the woe lingering in his heart, even if it didn't change the fact that he was a murderer.
“I don't want you to think I've never tried,” he nearly whispered. She felt his breath against her nose as she cleaned a cut on his collarbone.
“Why?” Her lashes felt too heavy to raise them up.
The words fell from his mouth like a stone, “I just don't want you to think about me this way. I don't want your attitude towards me to change.”
“But it already did,” she breathed and shut her eyes. “We can't go back, pretending it didn't happen.” Her head shook as she withdrew from him.
“I know. But I don't want you to hate me for something I did hundreds of years ago that I'd never meant to do. I don't want you to hate me, at least, not for this. You have plenty of other reasons to do so.”
She looked to the side. There was a truth in his words and she hated it'd been making her feel sorry for him, however he seemed to be so sincere. Her eyes raised, lips pressed together.
“I just want you to know, you shouldn't be scared, I will not cause you pain and I will not let anyone else do it.”
For unexplainable reasons she trusted his words. Maybe, she just didn't want to believe that he is a pure monster, that a guy she spent time with was a soulless murderer. It didn't mean she could trust him unconditionally. No. But she wanted to believe him.
