“Dante…” she started gingerly. Drawing a breath, she looked around to see if anybody was watching. Fortunately, the guests were much busier with dancing and champagne.
Then he roughly took her by the wrist and led to the garden to avoid interested glances.
The ballroom was left behind the glass doorway. It was a perfect place for a little privacy without the risk of being suspected of unnecessary connections. The light from behind was piercing the garden, but, at least, nobody could hear them.
Violette broke off, her heart trembling, “Dante, please, I actually didn't plan to use it. I'm telling the truth.”
“Are you sure about it?” he said darkly.
Now she started to notice the spite he acted out of, the swirling shadows in his gaze. “You are still in doubt, otherwise you wouldn't bring the dagger with you. And even so, why didn't you tell me about your little conversation with Caidas then? He gave you it when we were there, right? I started to suspect that something was wrong after.” He rubbed the corner of his jaw.
“Yes, he made me an offer but I didn't agree to it.” She shook her head, her brows tangled together in remorse. “He handed me the dagger anyway, to think but I–I wouldn't…I don't want to use it. I am not a murderer.”
“I know, you're too weak for this.” It didn't feel like a compliment but acid from his mouth, as if it was part of her weakness –not able to kill.It was unfair but she let him speak. “You've already had a chance to kill me, you had a few chances to be correct and you missed all of them.”
“What do you mean?” She backed off.
“When I was training you.”
Her eyes widened, and she blinked rapidly as if trying to process what she had just heard. “Did you already know?”
“I am not stupid to not sense the real Vampire Slayer,” his voice was sharp and crisp. “I was wondering if you didn't want to use it or if you just weren't ready and were waiting for a perfect moment to do so. I was rather interested in what you'll come out with, when and how. Then I started doubting you'll do it at all. Until today.” His eyes found hers, forcing her to hold a breath. “I wasn't planning to do it before the ball started but you turned out to be a naughty, sneaky girl, bringing it with you. Maybe, you are not a person who would kill but I have no doubt you can betray me if there will be a chance. I see I should’ve slept with one eye open around you.”
Violette didn't wait long with her response.
“It isn't fair,” she greeted her teeth. Her pulse was pumping, and not because of fear but because it felt like he accused her of something she didn't deserve. He made her look like a traitor but what was he? Right, the unworthy of trust vampire. She felt bitterness tweaking her tongue.
“If I wanted to betray you I would already do it. Without any dagger involved, I would still come up with something.” Her eyes looked up, “Don't blame me for taking the dagger with me. What am I supposed to do? Everyone is telling me you are a monster, vampires hate you and Caidas call you a disaster if you were free. You were imprisoned for a reason, and everyone expects me to do something because I am the only one who you let close. And still you did it only because you have the intention to use me.”
Her voice shattered, she didn't notice how it started shaking and how her anger and worry let out. Her eyes glinted in the darkness as she unleashed all her emotions that were eating her from inside all this time. The confusion, doubts, lostness. Everyone expected something from her and she couldn't cope with it anymore, locking it deeper and deeper inside as she always does. She didn't want to make it all about herself but she could no longer pretend like everything was okay. And it was not her fault. Not. Her.
“I am not the one benefiting off this situation,” Dante's voice was sharp like a knife trying to cut her heart even deeper.
“Oh, don't say that!” she snapped back. “You were the one who came to me. You knew what you were going for when I didn't even know you were a vampire. Don't put blame on me for being scared and hesitating. I have no reason to trust you more than Caidas. Despite how many days went by, I still know nothing about you!”
The blood under her skin was boiling, however with that the tears glistened in the corners of her eyes. But no matter how overwhelmed she was, she didn't let them out.
Dante's gaze was regardful, the undetectable emotion frozen on his face. He didn't make an attempt to stop her as her voice continued to crack.
“You didn't make it easier, didn't let me know something about you to make me feel some sympathy for you. You are still astranger. And it's not fair that I am the one who has to do somethingand decide what is better for others. All I wanted was to save my father, not all of this mess!” She slowed down, trying to steady her voice, “Yes, I do have doubts about you but you have no right to make me feel guilty about it. You did nothing to gain my trust. Our deal started with lying so no, I am not the only liar here. And I'm just a human. And I'm scared. I am terrified to be honest, and it makes me confused because I'm trapped in something I don't understand and I don't know what to do and, honestly, I don't want to! I was put in this situation where I have to choose what to do but it's not my responsibility. I don't have to choose. Why me? You think I am happy to make this decision? It's your problem and the vampires’, never mine. Excuse me for not throwing the dagger in Caidas' face when he put it in my hands; For thinking what I should do with it and if I can trust you with this information. But don't make me feel guilty because of it. I didn't choose it. I just want it to end and…I want my normal life back.”
Finally her lips pulled tight, the corner of her mouth trembled and the look she gave Dante said she was truly done with all of this mess.
He studied her face, her eyes. Not a muscle moved on his face. What he was thinking was a pure mystery. Then his jaw clenched and he let out the words in the air to fill the tense space between them.
“You are right, it's not fair, not for you, not for any other human. I didn't think it would turn into this. You indeed don't have any reason totrust me but we share one goal. I told you not to trust other vampires, not because I'm scared that they can convince you to betray me. I said it because I don't trust any of them and would never do so if I were a human. All I said was only to protectyou. I promised I won't let anyone harm you and I meant it. But I didn't think I should beware of you too.”
Violette swallowed, did she imagine it or had she indeed caught a pinch of sadness in his tone?
His eyes lowered for a brittle moment before they found hers again.
“I forgot what fear can do with the human heart and mind.” His shoulders loosened, a sorrow crept into his voice. “And yet, I'll give you advice, Little Witch. If you kill me then you won't go back to your previous life, you'll not be the same. It will change everything.”
His features softened, brows knitted and eyes gleamed with understanding. He didn't say anything else as a triumphant melody came from the hall, announcing the arrival of the host of the evening. They had to go back to the ballroom.
But Violette didn’t move, still staring at Dante as if she waited for something else he would say. As much as his last words didn't sound angry or peeved he still looked pretty gloomy and rigorous.
She didn't know if he fully understood her but he seemed to be kinder than she expected after all of the emotions she threw his way. Perhaps he understood how it is to be human more than he was revealing. Perhaps he still remembers how it feels to be embroiled with hesitation.
