Both of us froze. My heart was racing inside my chest and I could hear how heavily I was breathing. Something landed beside me on the plush carpeting. The dark crop contrasted with the light pink fibers.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him squat down in front of me. There was an arm’s distance between us, which might as well have been a million miles. How had we woken up so perfectly this morning to end up like this now? What had changed? What was different?
Was it Jason’s ultimatum? Had he called Master Mal and told him to break up with me? I couldn’t see Jason doing that; it would be very out of character, but maybe?
I sat upright and faced him. Shame made my movements slow.
“Do you think I would raise a hand to you in anger, Little Owl?”
I shook my head. “No, Sir. I don’t know why… I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for your reaction. The fault lies with me. I was not under control and you clearly sensed that I wasn’t.”
“You should be allowed to lose control, Sir,” I argued. At his raised eyebrow, I elaborated, “I mean, you shouldn’t have to always beon. Not with me. I want you to let go.”
“Even if it would scare you?”
“You don’t scare me,” I assured him. He looked pointedly at the crop on the floor. “Really,” I pressed. “I don’t know what that was. I think… I got some bad news today, and I was already off-center when I came into the club. I don’t think you would harm me, Sir. If I did, I wouldn’t be kneeling here before you.”
Master Mal moved to sit on the carpeting. He placed his arms over his raised knees, staring at me. “I had a shit day too,” he said softly. “Seeing your mask…” He ran a hand down his face before returning his arm to his leg. “Shit, pet, it pissed me off. It’s fucking sexy and I love seeing you in it,” he shook his head, “but not today. I needed to seeyoutoday. It was completely irrational of me to react as I did.”
I scooted closer to him on my knees. When I rested my hands on his arms below his elbows, he twisted his arms so his palms were facing upward to grab me in a similar fashion. “I have to wear it downstairs, Sir.”
He nodded. “I understand and respect that. Like I said,irrational.”
“Was it the mask, then? The thing I didn’t do?”
Master Mal studied me for a moment before shaking his head. My heart sank into my stomach, but he squeezed my forearms reassuringly. “I have no right to ask this of you, especially after how I just acted, but I’m going to anyway. There’s no pressure and you don’t have to, so remove the formalities before you answer.” I sat frozen, waiting. Master Mal reached forward and touched my right cheek with the back of his fingers. “What’s your name, Little Owl?”
I closed my eyes, looking away from him. Of course, he would ask me that. The one thing I couldn’t give him, would always have to lie to him about. “Is ‘Little Owl’ no longer good enough for you?”
“Youaremy little owl,” he emphasized. “If that is all I can ever call you, then I will do so gladly. But you were going to give your name to Mira the first day you called my office. If I hadn’t entered my office when I had, I have to believe I would know it now. Why won’t you tell me, Little Owl? Does it have to do with me being a cop?”
I shook my head, but that answer was both true and false. But I was leaving him after tonight. This was our last session, the last time he would ever see me. What was a little white lie? Just one? “You’re going to think it’s so silly.”
“Your name or why you’ve kept it from me?”
“Both,” I said with a bit of an eye roll. “It’s Phoebe, and the reason I’ve kept it a secret is because of how much I love being called your little owl.”
Spreading his legs, he pulled me forward until I was held between them. He took my face into his hands. “You willalwaysbe my little owl. Knowing your name, seeing your face, changes none of that.”
I turned my face to kiss the side of his hand. “Will you make me fly, Sir?”
“You trust me to do so?”
It was an honest question after my reaction a few minutes ago. “I do, Sir. I trust you.”
If this was my last time with him, I needed to give him something other than a fake name. I needed to give him as much of me to remember as possible. I needed to make this night last for eternity, so I didn’t have to say ‘goodbye’ come dawn.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Mal
My little owlwas up against the wall. There was a small stage, barely a foot off the ground, with red curtains outlining it. I wondered if it was for the littles to do fashion shows or something on. Regardless of what they used it for,Iwas going to use it to make my little owl soar. She might have confirmed her name was Phoebe, but I wasn’t prepared to use it. Even in my head. Especially not after hearing how much she loved me calling her my little owl.
She was just barely able to grab the curtain rod above her head. She’d even joked about being too little to be a little when we’d tested it out to see if it would work as her handhold.
I’d put my crop away after her reaction earlier. I was aware that it hadn’t been from the crop, but it still didn’t feel right using it. I grabbed my flogger instead.
