“Then, that night in the garden. When we kissed” —he saw the blush in her cheeks and felt a flutter in his own stomach— “something changed. For me. I don’t know about you…”
“Something changed for me too,” she agreed quietly, still not looking directly at him.
“Altogether, I have witnessed your power with a blade, your camaraderie with your sisters, your intelligence in scheming, and your recklessness around me.”
“I’m not reckless,” she defended with a quick glance but then returned her eyes to the soft green blades.
“Perhaps I bring out the best in you, then,” he teased, hoping to catch her eye.
But her reply consisted of a mumbled, “Perhaps.”
“But the candle was extinguished when I saw Lord Tamely’s hands on you. I saw black. Blackness for him. I wanted to call him out. But I also didn’t want to make it something that it wasn’t. The last straw was when he challenged my protection of you.”
James reached out and slipped Joan’s hand in his. He couldn’t believe he was doing this, but now was the time. This was the moment to step up and be a man. To go after what he wanted. To open himself up to being hurt in the hopes of gaining what he needed.
“This didn’t come about the way I expected it to. Hell, that’s mostly because I never would have predicted this. You. Joan. But somehow you’ve made me believe in love. You have shown it to me. There’s something I feel when I look into your eyes. Talk to you. Listen to you. I want to know everything about you, and I want to share everything about myself with you. I want you to be mine. I want a future with you.”
“What are you saying, James?”
“I’m saying,” he paused, rubbing his thumb back and forth over her knuckles, “You are power, intelligence, and beauty combined. I never thought a woman like you could exist. And then we found each other. You are loyal. You love your friends and family fiercely, wanting only the best for them. But you also know when to stand up for yourself and live your life fully.”
He brushed a lock of hair behind her ears. “You make me happy. When you hugged me just now, I knew without a doubt that I’m supposed to be here. We’re supposed to be together. I’m saying…I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I know it’s true.” James’s heart beat rapidly in his chest. Like a growling tiger knowing he had been captive for too long, wanting to be free. Wanting to love. And be loved. He was taking a chance and risking it all on Joan. If she rejected him, he wasn’t sure he could ever let himself love again. But this tiger, his heart, needed to be free to live and roam and be fully alive.
So James did the most reckless thing he had ever done. He opened himself up to an unrestrained future. “I love you, Joan. Will you marry me?”
Chapter 20
“Love is the most powerful force in the world.”
—Joan of Arc
TO SAY SHE WAS shocked was putting it mildly. He loved her? He wanted to marry her? Not just protect her from the scandal? It was too good to be true. Therefore, it couldn’t be true. Maybe he was lying to her? Exaggerating the truth? Hyperbolizing his feelings? When she thought about him, his deep blue eyes, casual demeanor, but caring soul, she knew he had the capacity to love. But how could she be sure he loved her? And so suddenly.
“How do you know you love me?” Joan asked with caution.
He ran his hand through his hair before he looked up and answered her. “I haven’t been with a woman since we started talking. Wait. Before you say anything to that, yes, that is a long time for me. And yes, there is always an opportunity for me to take a woman to bed. But since being around you, I haven’t even looked at another woman. I don’t want anyone else. I didn’t realize it until we kissed. And then we had the incident with Lord Tamely. When his hand was on you, all I could think wasmine. I didn’t want anyone else to have you. I wanted you. I wanted to protect you. Want to protect you.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Joan’s heart flapped wildly in her chest, but still, she couldn’t say yes to him yet.
“I see hesitation. Tell me what’s stopping you.” The words were curious, but his tone was demanding. Desperate.
And she knew she needed to be honest. If nothing else, they had been honest with each other, good communicators for the most part. She shouldn’t hold back now. “You’re a rake,” she finally said and instantly regretted as she watched his face fall.
He held her hands in his, sincere eyes pleading with hers. “That part of my life is over. If we marry—when we marry—I’ll be faithful to you. You are the only woman for me.”
She knew it to be true. Even saying he was a rake now had felt wrong. She had seen anything but a rake over the last several days.
“I believe you James. I know you are loyal. You put your friends first in your life. I’ve seen it firsthand. I know you have a good heart.”
“Why are you not saying yes then?”
“And I need to tell you something that might change your mind about everything.” She shuffled her feet avoiding his eyes.
“Tell me,” he coaxed her. “You can tell me anything.”
With a deep sigh, Joan said, “I’ve been harboring a secret from you.”
She watched as his brows furrowed into deep creases and he clenched his jaw.
