When Joan finally reached him, he could see the trepidation in her eyes. He could feel the invisible wall she had erected around herself, and he hated that she needed to do that to protect herself. But he would share all that with her in time.
No embrace, for now, he greeted her with a soft word, fearing he might break the glass around her. Then, he took her hand and guided them toward a little rowboat.
“We’re not actually going in that thing are we?” Joan inquired with a raised brow.
“We are.”
“Do I need to remind you of what happened the last time we got in a rowboat together?”
“No reminders necessary. I remember. And this time, I want to do it right.” He pulled out an extra pair of stockings from his pocket and waved them in the air.
And then she did exactly as he had predicted, but with so much more impact on his heart than he had imagined.
She laughed. A deep laugh from her belly. The kind of laugh one sometimes waited months for and when it finally did come out, one lingered and drew it out to squeeze every last ounce of pleasure from it.
He laughed right along with her, feeling immediately relieved. No more toe tapping. No more rehearsing lines. He was in the moment with her. The one he wanted to be with. He only hoped he could reassure her of that. He wasn’t ready to say that he loved her, but he knew he felt more than just affection. He could convince her that one day love would blossom. At least now he could admit that love probably existed.
Her laugh mesmerized him. Engulfed him. Filling him up to overflowing. And right at the tail end of her laughter, she threw her arms around him.
Stunned, his arms hung at his sides. This was not a passionate embrace. There was no sexual tension being emitted from her. It was pure and simple a hug of appreciation.
She didn’t realize what she was doing to him in that moment. James had never felt such physical contact as this.
Appreciation.
Admiration.
Trust.
Respect.
Belonging.
…Love.
James blinked hard at the stinging sensation in his eyes. Just when he thought Joan was done with the hug, she looked up at him.
“Thank you for that, James. I needed that. You are a good man.” Tenderness, care, warmth. Her eyes were flooded with gentleness. For him.
Gradually he lifted his arms to pull her in closer to him and rubbed her lower back. “Thankyou, Joan. You have no idea how much I needed this.”
Abandoning the rowboat plan for now, he withdrew his arms and tugged her down to sit on the grass next to him.
“I think we should talk about the night on the terrace.” They had never really spoken about it, and it was time. After the kiss, he had been shaken to his core. But he could hardly admit that to himself, never mind explore those feelings by sharing them with Joan. Broaching the subject with her now was risky, but it was a necessary risk. His legs were trembling, and he was thankful to be sitting on the grass. It was grounding him. Reminding him that even though the stakes felt too high, the earth would stillbe here if she rejected him. The world would keep turning. The sun would keep rising. The grass would keep growing. He took a deep inhalation and exhaled, looking for peace.
“All is forgotten, James. There’s no need to discuss it.”
“All the same, I want to share my perspective with you.” She may not see the need, but he did. In some ways he was surprised that she didn’t want to talk about it. And he wasn’t sure if it was due to nerves, discomfort, propriety, or really that she didn’t care. He hoped it wasn’t the latter.
“There’s no need—”
“Please, Joan.” He would beg if he had to. It was imperative that he explore these feelings with her.
“I’m listening,” she conceded as she began playing with the grass between them.
“At first, when we were around each other, we had a purpose. A common objective. It was amusing to converse with you and learn about how your mind worked. Somehow, we were able to communicate with each other so easily.”
He watched as Joan nodded her head.
