“Not the way I want them to,” Joan choked out, feeling foolish. Childish. And ungrateful. But still, didn’t she have a right to complain temporarily?
“What’s not working out?” Nobi asked.
“I’m alone.” She shook her head. “Yes, you’re here. But one day you two will be gone. Married. You’ll have lives of your own. And I’ll be left alone.”
“You can live with us—”
“I know. Of course, you would offer that Nobi. Any of you three would take me in. But I would still feel alone.”
“We’ll find you someone,” Nobi said reassuringly. “It’ll just take time. I’m sure Wes knows someone. I can even…ask Chris. They’re both dukes. I’m sure they would help us find someone willing and suitable for you.”
“I don’t want just anyone,” she huffed. Her exasperation peaking, Joan pulled her legs up and rested her forehead on her knees.
“Why not?” Mimi asked.
“Because I love him.”
“James?” Nobi softly asked.
“Yes,” Joan heaved a sigh. This was the first time she was admitting it aloud. She loved him. He didn’t love her. They had no future. And because of that, her future looked bleak, despite having her business grow.
“You should really read his note then,” Mimi prompted.
Slowly Joan brought her head up. “What could he possibly say that would help in this situation?”
“That he loves you,” Mimi smirked. Her cavalier response caused Joan to scoff.
“He did not write that.”
“He might have,” Mimi elaborated. “Perhaps he wrote of his undying love for you and how he plans to whisk you away to elope and then cart you off to the continent for a months’ long honeymoon.”
“Doubtful.”
“Perhaps he’s writing to tell you that he loves you and has secured a special license to marry you anywhere and anytime you want. He’s just asking you to pick the time and place.”
“Mimi, please—”
“Perhaps he’s writing to tell you that he misses you and cannot live another day with you.”
“Mimi,” Joan ground out. “He hasn’t written any of those things.”
“You don’t know that. And you’ll never be sure unless you read his letter.” Trust Mimi to spell it out. First the fantasy. Then the reality.
“He might be your duke, Joan,” Nobi whispered beside her. “You could be the one that he finally fell for.”
It was too much to hope for. It was the impossible. People didn’t change. He was a rake and always would be. Joan wanted to toss the letter out. Better not to face being disappointed by him.
“We’ll leave you so you can read it on your own,” Nobi said quietly but firmly enough that Mimi took the hint.
It was respectful of them to let her have her privacy, so she could decide what to do. If the letter expressed his undying love, of course she would say yes to him. But that was not an imaginable reality. She had seen his eyes on the terrace. Protective? Yes. Caring? Yes. Loving? No. She couldn’t bear further disappointment.
Resolved, she threw the letter on the fire.
Chapter 19
“The soul's greatest journey is the path to self-discovery.”
—Joan of Arc
