“Probably just my imagination.” I help Leo into his car seat, but I can’t resist checking the area behind the bushes as we pass. “Maybe pregnancy hormones make you paranoid about everything,” I say with a brittle smile.
“Or being involved with someone in Radmir’s world makes you more aware of potential threats.” She gives me a meaningful look over Leo’s head. “Maybe the feeling of being watched isn’t paranoia.”
The possibility that someone connected to Radmir’s business might be monitoring our activities hadn’t occurred to me, but it makes uncomfortable sense. If his enemies know we matter to him, we could already be targets whether or not I acknowledge it.
“All the more reason to stop pretending we’re not connected to him,” I murmur as I buckle Leo’s seatbelt. “If we’re going to be at risk anyway, we should at least have the benefit of his protection.”
“Now you’re thinking clearly.” She opens her car door. “Call me after you talk to him.”
The drive home passes quickly, with Leo describing his plans for even more elaborate sandcastles and asking if Mr. Radmir might want to help build them someday. His casual inclusion of Radmir in future activities makes it clear yesterday’s dinner made a strong impression.
“Would you like that?” I ask, genuinely curious about his feelings. “Having Mr. Radmir around more often?”
“Yeah! He knows about dinosaurs, and he reads stories with really good voices, and he listens when I talk about important stuff.” Leo kicks his feet against his car seat. “Plus, he makes you smile more.”
The observation catches me unprepared. I hadn’t realized my feelings about Radmir were visible to my three-year-old, but children notice things adults think they’re hiding. “Does he make me smile more?”
“Uh-huh. When he was reading to me last night, you were watching from the doorway and looked happy, like when we have really good days at the park, or when Aunt Molly makes chocolate chip cookies.”
His innocent comparison makes my throat tighten with emotion. Leo associates Radmir with happiness, the feeling of good days, and special treats. How can I take that away from himby insisting we maintain distance for safety reasons that might not even protect us?
Back at the apartment, I help Leo wash the sand off his hands and feet while my mind works through how to approach the conversation with Radmir. Do I call him and ask him to come over? Do I wait for him to show up again, as he seems inclined to do? Do I take Leo to the estate and have the conversation on Radmir’s territory?
“Mama, can we call Mr. Radmir and ask if he wants to come for dinner again?” Leo looks up at me with hopeful eyes. “I want to show him the new book Aunt Molly got me about space dinosaurs.”
The suggestion solves my dilemma about how to arrange tonight’s conversation. Leo wants to see Radmir again, and I need to tell him about the baby. Combining those needs makes sense, even if the thought of the conversation makes my palms sweat.
“That’s a good idea, sweetheart. Let me see if he’s available.”
I find Radmir’s number in my phone and take a deep breath before dialing. He answers on the second ring, as if he’s been waiting for my call.
“Danielle?”
“Hi. Leo was wondering if you’d like to come for dinner tonight. He has a new book he wants to show you.” I pause, gathering courage for what I need to add. “And I think we should talk about some things.”
“I’ll be there in an hour.” His response is immediate, with no questions about what we need to discuss. “Should I bring food again, or would you prefer to cook?”
“I’ll cook. It’s nothing fancy, just spaghetti and salad.”
“That sounds perfect. Thank you for calling.”
After I hang up, I stand in my kitchen looking around at the modest apartment that’s been our safe haven for over three years. The envelope with the baby’s gender results sits on my counter where I left it yesterday, unopened because I already know and had no one else to surprise with it. Tonight, maybe I’ll find the courage to tell Radmir about his daughter, and together, we’ll start figuring out how to be a family despite all the complications that come with his world.
Leo helps me set the table, chattering about space dinosaurs and asking if I think Mr. Radmir will know about astronauts too. His excitement is infectious, and for the first time in weeks, I feel something like hope building in my chest.
Maybe Carmen is right, and the best protection I can give my children is making sure they have people who love them enough to fight for them. Maybe it’s time to stop running and start fighting for the family we could become.
22
Radmir
Danielle’s call this afternoon caught me off guard in the best possible way. The invitation feels like progress toward something I’ve been hoping for since I learned the truth about my son.
I arrive at her apartment carrying flowers for her and a small dinosaur encyclopedia I picked up on impulse, thinking Leo might enjoy the detailed illustrations. Danielle opens the door looking softer than usual, wearing jeans and a cream-colored sweater that makes her skin glow. It’s her expression that’s softer rather than her clothes though. Her body language suggests she’s more open too.
“You didn’t have to bring anything.” She steps aside to let me in, but I catch her pleased smile when she sees the book. “ Leo is going to be thrilled with that dinosaur encyclopedia.”
“I thought he might like the photographs. Some of them show fossil excavation sites where paleontologists are actuallyworking.” I hand her the flowers and follow her into the kitchen. “How can I help with dinner?”
