I still feel defensive despite the lack of judgment. “I’m going to protect my children from a world that threatens them, yes.” The conviction in my voice surprises me. “I’m going to find a new job as soon as possible, before this pregnancy becomes obvious. I’m going to take Leo and move somewhere Radmir won’t think to look for us.”
She sets down her spoon with a sigh. “Danielle, you can’t run forever.”
I give her a look of challenge. “Watch me.” The determination feels good, feels like taking control of a situation that’s been spiraling beyond my grasp for weeks. I’ll start looking for new employment immediately. Definitely somewhere outside San Diego, though that means leaving Aunt Molly and Carmen. It has to be somewhere Leo, the baby, and I can start fresh without the constant threat of accidentally encountering his father.
I meet her gaze. “I know you don’t approve, but I’ll need your help.”
“Of course. Whatever you need.” Carmen reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “Are you sure this is what you want? Are you sure you’re making this decision based on what’s best for your children, or what feels safest for you?”
I don’t want to think about it. “Right now, those things are the same.”
“Are they? Because keeping Leo away from his father isn’t just about protecting him from danger. It’s also about protecting yourself from having to share him, from having to trust someone else with his well-being.”
I pull away from her. “That’s not what this is about.”
“Isn’t it? You’ve been Leo’s whole world for four years. You’ve made every decision, controlled every aspect of his life, and been his only parent. The idea of Radmir being involved means giving up some of that control.”
I want to argue and insist this is purely about safety and not about my own fears, but there’s truth in what she’s saying, uncomfortable truth that I’m not ready to examine. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am being selfish, but Leo is happy, healthy, and loved. He doesn’t need the complications that come with having a father like Radmir.”
“He might want them anyway.” She looks sad for a moment. “You remember my father left us before I was born, right? I don’t know that I’d ever want to know him, but I was depressed when I tracked him down a few years ago and found out he was dead. Maybe he never regretted leaving us, but it was his choiceto leave. You’re taking that from Radmir, and a man like that probably doesn’t react well if he learns the truth.”
The thought of Leo asking about his father, of wanting to know the man whose eyes he inherited, makes my chest tight with anxiety as much as the thoughts she puts in my head. I can’t pretend Radmir wouldn’t be enraged if he learns I left with his children if he wants them. Not knowing about them prevents that scenario from ever arising. He never has to choose if he wants to be a father, and I don’t have to risk having my kids in his world every weekend.
“I’ll deal with Leo’s questions when the arise.” It’s what I’ve been doing, and though it won’t work when he’s older, I can’t think about that now.
“What about this baby?” Carmen gestures toward my still-flat stomach. “What will you tell this child about their father?”
“The same thing I told Leo. Daddy isn’t part of our family. I won’t clarify why”
She shakes her head. “Can you live with that?”
I shrug, not entirely certain. “The truth is more dangerous than the lie.”
We finish our tea in relative silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts. The ultrasound pictures sit on the table between us, proof of the life growing inside me and the choices I’ll have to make to protect it.
As we drive back toward my apartment, I think about Andrei’s threats and the careful way Radmir controls every aspect of his public persona while hiding whatever he really does for a living. There’s no indication he ever wants a family, so am I reallydepriving him of something, or am I saving him the trouble of dealing with it? A pang of guilt shoots through me at the thought. I don’t have the right to make that decision for him, but I also can’t thrust my children into danger.
I think about Leo, playing happily at school, unaware that his mother is carrying his sibling and planning to disappear before either child can complicate their father’s carefully ordered life. My thoughts return to Radmir, working in his office and managing his empire, all with no idea that his genetic legacy exists.
Most of all, I think about the ultrasound image and the tiny heart beating with such determination. This child deserves better than being born into secrets and lies, but that’s all I can offer for now.
Maybe someday, when both children are old enough to understand the complexities of adult choices, I’ll find a way to give them the truth. Until then, I’ll protect them the only way I know how., by keeping them as far away from Radmir Vetrov as possible.
“I need to start looking for work immediately,” I say as Carmen pulls into my apartment complex. “Before I start showing or anyone at the estate puts the pieces together. Maybe I can find something I can do from home from anywhere, so I have stability when we move…” I bite my lip.
Carmen turns off the engine and faces me. “Where will you look? What kind of work?”
“Anything that pays enough to support two children. Maybe hotel housekeeping, or office cleaning. Something with different hours and different clients.” I unfold one of the ultrasound pictures, studying the tiny form that will be Leo’s sibling. “I havesome savings. With my next paycheck, if I take Leo out of his preschool, I’ll have enough to cover a security deposit when we move.” The idea fills me with guilt since he loves it, but he’s young, and moving means changing to a different daycare or preschool anyway.
She flinches. “Move where?”
“I don’t know yet. Maybe north, toward Oceanside or Carlsbad. Or somewhere completely out of California. It’s too expensive anyway. I need to go somewhere far enough away that we won’t accidentally run into Radmir.”
Carmen’s expression is troubled. “Danielle, you’re talking about uprooting your entire life because you’re afraid to have one conversation.”
I roll my eyes. “It’s not about one conversation. I’m talking about protecting my children from a man whose business associates threaten people. Whatever Radmir is entangled in doesn’t bode well for my kids.” I fold the pictures carefully and tuck them into my purse. “This isn’t about fear but survival.”
She still looks troubled, reminding me again why she’s so vehement about my children knowing their father. “What if you’re wrong about him? What if he’s nothing like Andrei?”
