“Take your time,” Meyer says, then turns to me. “You know what we need to ask her about is how to rent this site out to other bands. That’s where we’re gonna make someserious—”
“Ava?” Zoey answers, completely stealing my attention. “How are you, my girl?”
“Zoe?” comes Ava’s little voice. She sounds so small and far away, which makes sense because she’s talking through both Zoey’s phone speaker and Meyer’s laptop speaker, but she doesn’t sound right. She sounds fragile, and frail, and out of breath like she’s just come back from a run.
“Yeah, can you hear me?” Zoey asks.
I bump Meyer’s shoulder so that he’ll push the laptop toward me, and I repeatedly smash the volume button until it’s as loud as it’ll go.
It’s loud enough for me to clearly hear Ava’s shallow, labored breathing, and my hackles instantly go up. “Did you take me to the hospital?”
Atthat, my blood runs frigid, and my stomach plummets so hard and fast that I go lightheaded.
“Yeah, babe.” Zoey’s voice is suddenly extremely fragile. She’s still turned slightly from the screen, but I can see her dabbing the corner of her eye and wiping her nose with the back of her hand. “Nobody could get a hold of you for days, so I came by. You let me in, but then you kept passing out while I tried to ask you what was wrong. Your fever was above 105, and you were having a lot of trouble breathing, so I had to take you to the ER. I had a feeling they were going to admit you, but they wouldn’t let me in to wait with you, all of which I expected, so I packed a bunch of stuff in your gym bag. Your iPad’s in there, your chargers, your shampoo and all that so you don’t have to use the hospital stuff. If you can think of anything else you need, just let me know, and I’ll drop it off.”
With every word, my head spins faster, and I’m starting to slump so low in the chair that I’m close to sliding off completely.
The first night we were together, I let something awful happen to Ava. I’ll never forget the sight of her blood-streaked back and the sickening dread that I had caused it due to simple carelessness. I’d run out of the room to get help from Piper, and all the while I was unable to shake the feeling that the accident was some kind of sign. An omen that showed up just to remind me that, no matter how good I thought things were, I was one false move from colliding with something terrible, dangerous, and violent.
And this is that.
My carelessness did this.
My pride did this.
My pain and disappointment did this because I was a coward who couldn’t tell her the real reason I wanted her to stay and then lashed out at her because she couldn’t read my fucking mind.
Zoey doesn’t have to say one word about what’s happened to Ava because I already know.
Ava caught that fucking virus. That’s why she was so sick on the phone last week. That’s why she wasn’t answering every time I tried to call her back. That’s why she’s suddenly in the hospital when she was just finebefore she left.
The fuckinghospital. Just like where a bunch of my buddies wound up. Just like three of them, whodiedin said hospital.
She caught that virus, she’s in the hospital with it, she could realistically, potentiallydie, and it’s my fucking fault.
I can feel Meyer staring at me, and I clamp my hand over my mouth
On the screen, Zoey has lowered her face into her hands, and her shoulders heave with what’s probably a silent sob. She looks exactly like how I feel right now. After a second, she lifts her head and wipes her face with the back of her hand, speaking through a shaky, higher-pitched voice. “You’re gonna be okay, sis. You just need to rest and fight, and rest and fight, and rinse and repeat. Let those nurses take care of you. Do everything they say.”
“Okay.” Ava drags in a breath that sounds like it takes all the strength she has. “Thanks, Zoe. Love you.”
I amthis closeto passing right the fuck out, and I have to stand up.
“I love you, Ava girl,” Zoey says. “You got this.”
I pace maniacally behind the chairs in the dining room, chain-smoking and staring wide-eyed at the screen. I should’ve said thatto her. I should’ve come right out and told her,I love you, Ava. Be with me. Be mine. Be mine forever. You don’t need to go home because I want us to make this your real home. Let’s make a life together.
If I’d had the balls to say all that, to tell her exactly what I wanted, I bet she wouldn’t have gone. And then, she’d still be here. Healthy. Safe. Not trapped in a fucking hospital fighting for her next breath.
Ava drags in another of those hard-fought breaths. “Zoe?”
“Yeah, hon. I’m still here.”
“Have you still been working with Meyer?”
Meyer and I exchange a glance, and then we look at the screen just as Zoey looks at us again.
“Uh...yeah.” Her face blanches with recognition as though she just realized Meyer and I have heard this entire conversation. “And don’t worry, I let Phillipp and Miriam know what’s going on. I’ve got you covered with everything. Everyone’s sending you all the good vibes.”
